In the Mail: The Onion Book of Known Knowledge

Posted on November 2, 2012 3:00 pm

As a somewhat popular political blogger, I constantly get offered free copies of books, but they’re usually all political books and I’m like, “Ah! Not more political books! Politics is so boring!” But this time I got sent a book that actually is enjoyable: The Onion Book of Known Knowledge.

Anyway, it’s a pretty fancy looking hardcover and is sort of like the Devil’s Dictionary, but in an encyclopedic format. It’s a bunch of funny entries about different stuff, such as this one:

Irish, horrible, drunken, violent, unwashed race of so-called “people” who only warrant an entry in this reference precisely because of how singularly vile they are.

Anyway, that’s just the beginning of the entry since I had to transcribe it by hand (physical books are so low-tech). You can go over to The Onion for more excerpts. Anyway, it’s what you’d expect from The Onion: a decent amount of vulgarity, a smattering of liberal clapper humor, and a lot of funny. Should be a good bathroom book… if people still read books on the can instead of tooling around on the internet on their smartphones.

And if companies want to send me more free stuff, I really want video games and candy. Send me video games and candy and I’ll mention it on my blog.

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14 Responses to “In the Mail: The Onion Book of Known Knowledge”

  1. Son of Bob says:

    “Send me video games and candy and I’ll mention it on my blog.”

    I’m pretty sure that’s what the Red Cross is handing out to the starving people in New York and New Jersey right now.

  2. zzyzx says:

    Back in 1976 the National Lampoon had an issue they titled Unwanted Foreigners, looks like someone from the Onion may have been inspired by that issue. Below is what the Nat Lamp had to say about Germans. They made fun of every racial group on the planet in that issue, it was one of their funniest issues ever.

    Germans

    Racial Characteristics: Piggish-looking, sadomasochistic automatons whose only known forms of relaxation are swilling watery beer from vast tubs and singing the idiotically repetitive verses of their porcine folk tunes-both of which amusements probably harken back to a pre-human state. Germans have never successfully been Christianized. Their language lacks any semblance of civilized speech. Their usual diet consists almost wholly of old cabbage and sections of animal intestines filled with blood and gore. Once every two or three decades, they set forth, lemming-like, on pointless military adventures during which great numbers of them are slaughtered-much to the improvement of the world in general. Their lardy women have long, tangled masses of sticky hair under their arms, and the men shave the sides of their heads.

    Good points: They kill a lot of French.

    Proper Forms Of Address: Kraut, Hun, Heiny, Spike-head, Sausage breath.

  3. Zaklog the Great says:

    Maybe we could get you an Advance Reader’s Copy of the next Brandon Sanderson book.

    [I like advanced copies (they make me feel special) and I like Brandon Sanderson, so whoever this 'we' is, they should get on it. -Ed.]

  4. T-dog says:

    Watch out, Sanderson is a Mormon. If Romney is elected and you read Sanderson you are liable to start liking Mormons (so says a Mormon).

  5. Jimmy says:

    Frank, your Irish half hates you for posting that quote.

  6. Bunkerhillbilly says:

    Quoth Jimmy:Frank, your Irish half hates you for posting that quote.

    Ahhhhh hah! Truth will out…Frank is a self-hating sort!

    There I was, fully prepared to snark, in mildly elevated dudgeon (high dudgeon being reserved for the truly insulting), about Frank, secretly, deep in the sub-cockle-ean region of his (half)Saxon, no doubt sclerotic heart…rabidly envying the roaring, full-throated, twelve-pints-of-Guinness fueled, two-fisted, hyper-literary, verbose, handsome, beautiful, deadly captivating nature of the Irish. (Culinary deficits notwithstanding.)

    Scary, but explanatory, to think that Frank may possess this commonality with Obama…being at war with himself.

    Tha awful “colour problem” of the Orange and the Green.

  7. Jimmy says:

    Unless we’re offering him an advance copy, Bunkerhillbilly, we’re nothing to him! Nothing!

  8. Bunkerhillbilly says:

    @Jimmy,

    No, Jimmy, we’re everything to him.

    Frank mocks that which he envies and cannot be. Irish in spirit and soul as well as name.

    The Saxon, devoid of Irish enculturation, mocks the Irish’s impressive capacity for alcohol consumption, calling it drunkenness while the Saxon (Liverpool denizens, again, notwithstanding), is often the first one folded up under the table.

    Mocked for being verbose..sesquipedalian even, it is the clear, refined tones of the Irishman which trump Cockney or Geordie even. if Frank possesses Irish ancestry, it is that no doubt which rises in his blood and draws him to the deploying of wittily-turned phrases.

    No, we are everything.

    I mean, when is the last time someone envied and took the time to deride the culture of the Magyar or the Laplander?

  9. seanmahair says:

    T-dog. We all know there is no way anyone would ever “like” a Mormon. They’re horrible people, all that praying and preparing for disasters, and family history (that they make available on familysearch.org for free), and volunteering, and giving back to the community, and raising children to work hard, pay taxes and care for the sick and elderly.

    By the way don’t read any Orson Scott Card either, yeah he’s a Mormon too (so is Glenn Beck). Goodness gracious they’re everywhere.

  10. seanmahair says:

    Oh and we Irish are used to being despised and rejected. I pretty sure that’s why the whole “hate the Mormons” thing doesn’t usually phase me. I’ve always been the member of a that inspires hate, it’s just a continuation not a new experience. God must really love me a whole bunch.

  11. CTCompromise says:

    @6 Bunkerhillbilly” “Scary, but explanatory, to think that Frank may possess this commonality with Obama…being at war with himself.”

    Nah…The ONLY commonality any one of us here shares with Obama { spit to the left at the mention of teh name}..is that we settle ALL problems with a “Beer Summit”! A cart to bring ‘em home, a few good hours of sleep, and then maybe a liitle “hair of the dog..” will settle most problems in this, or any other country !

  12. Bunkerhillbilly says:

    @seanmahair-yes, and those who despise and reject us aren’t worthy of our time.

    @CTCompromise–“Beer summit”?! Fine…but it’s the begrudgers, despisers, and envious who are picking up the tab for the kegs of Guinness. Plus the cost of etched, beveled and highly polished pint glasses from the Waterford factory. Such is the price of their hate, sez I!

  13. CarolyntheMommy says:

    Frank I will sic my redheaded self on you and then I will teach your daughter to say, “Daddy, I like cowboys and sailors.” Don’t. raise. the. ire. of. the. Irish! ROAR.

  14. seanmahair says:

    You go Carolyn. No one should really want to raise the ire of any woman but to raise the ire of an Irish woman is downright suicidal.

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