Paris Hilton Handbag Store an ‘Affront’ to Islam

Posted on November 20, 2012 11:00 am

Riyadh, Saudi Arabia (NPN) – Muslims around the world are crying foul following the opening of a new Paris Hilton Handbags & Accesories store in Mecca, the capital of the Muslim world. Twitter was afire with angry comments towards the hotel heiress and her line of womens accesories that nobody had really heard of until now. Citizens living in and around Mecca especially are upset that such a store could be opened in the holiest of cities and the site of Islam’s annual pilgrimmage.

“This is an affront to Islam itself!” said Said al-Mularki. “Not only does this Satan woman who makes the sexy tapes soil our most holy of cities with her name, but also does so with a line of merchandise that isn’t worth camel dung. Who would buy this crap?”

Paris Hilton being taken into custody for questioning while wearing this lovely ensemble available from the Paris Hilton clothing line.

In response to the store’s opening, a flash mob ensued outside of the busy Mecca mall where protesters shouted in anger, demanding that the “Satan woman’s store be destroyed”. The flash mob also performed a series of dance numbers from the musical CATS, and then broke up.

At the daily White House briefing, reporters questioned White House Press Secretary Jay Carney about the uproar over Paris Hilton’s store in Mecca and what, if anything, the President might do about it.

“The President is deeply concerned about this” said Carney. “He wanted me to make it clear that the administration will do everything in its power to resolve this situation, including, but not limited to bowing to the King of Saudi Arabia…again, and also having Paris Hilton arrested for something that has nothing to do with this. Or something.”

And with that, Carney shouted “BOOM! Explosion!”, crouched behind the podium, and pretended not to be there anymore while singing Memory softly to himself.

Meanwhile, it has been confirmed that Hilton was taken into custody early this morning by the Beverly Hills Police Department. A spokesperson for the department said that the heiress has been taken simply for questioning about something that has nothing to do with handbags or Muslims. No further explanation was offered.

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10 Responses to “Paris Hilton Handbag Store an ‘Affront’ to Islam”

  1. zzyzx says:

    What isn’t an affront to Islam?

  2. Harvey says:

    Awesome :-)

  3. Professor Hale says:

    I know this is parody (this is IMAO after all), but this sounds like something the Mecca zoning board should have considered before approving her permits.

  4. rodney dill says:

    I guess she made a sow’s ear out of a silk purse.

  5. Doc says:

    Could have come straight from the New York Times… I suspect it probably will over the coming months…

  6. willy says:

    Fact Check! This whole story resulted from a misinterpretation of a Mall of Mecca security bulletin about how to properly bag the hands cut off from people caught shoplifting.

  7. CrustyB says:

    Is that a minaret or are you just glad to see me?

  8. plentyobailouts says:

    fraid I gotta go with the democrats on this one. Sorry I meant terrorists. No I guess I got it right, both times, Who would buy that crap? I mean I can understand buying obsama toilet paper, but Paris Hilton merchandise?

  9. DamnCat says:

    What isn’t she an affront to?

  10. Paris Hilton whips up a storm in holy Mecca – CNNLatest Showbiz Scandal | Latest Showbiz Scandal links:

    […] Mecca boutique is a really, really bad ideaThe Week MagazineSan Francisco Examiner -IMAO (satire)all 43 news […]

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