Comments on: Straight Line of the Day: The Biggest Surprise of the Final Twilight Film…

By: IMAO » Blog Archive » You’ve Been Judged!

IMAO » Blog Archive » You’ve Been Judged! — Thu, 22 Nov 2012 01:34:30 +0000

[...] Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “The biggest surprise of the final Twilight film…” [...]

By: Bunkerhillbilly

Bunkerhillbilly — Thu, 22 Nov 2012 01:22:37 +0000

…was the scene of a pale and sparkly Bob Newhart waking up in bed next to the corpse of Suzanne Pleshette and commenting about the strange dream he just had which was interrupted by a CGI of Rod Serling walking onto the set and making a droll, insightful commentary about having just departed…The Twilight Zone.

By: TheMostCowbell

TheMostCowbell — Wed, 21 Nov 2012 23:27:13 +0000

CarolyntheMommy, I have a small to medium to large to extra-large girlcrush on you. That is all.

By: Dohtimes

Dohtimes — Wed, 21 Nov 2012 19:25:40 +0000

…was the scene where Lawrence Talbot and Count Dracula moved to a country where assisted suicide was legal.

By: rodney dill

rodney dill — Wed, 21 Nov 2012 18:22:00 +0000

was the subtitle — It Ain’t Over ’til The Bat Lady Sings

By: rodney dill

rodney dill — Wed, 21 Nov 2012 18:19:27 +0000

…had more bad acting than a William Shatner film festival.

By: a gut named Rob

a gut named Rob — Wed, 21 Nov 2012 14:24:05 +0000

Was that the entire final battle was really about who gets to have their picture on the new Count Chocula Box

By: Isaac

Isaac — Wed, 21 Nov 2012 06:20:26 +0000

First, Bella busts the vampire guy and the werewolf guy sucking face.

Then, Daniel Day Lewis shows up as Abe Lincoln and kills them both with an axe, and with a little help from an adz.

By: Bob in Feenicks

Bob in Feenicks — Wed, 21 Nov 2012 05:06:03 +0000

…Bruce Willis was dead the whole time.

…it turns out Rosebud is a sled.

…Maggie shot Mr. Burns.

…people actually spent money to see it.

…they’re reworking the story to turn it into a TV sitcom starring Dane Cook.

By: Bad Science

Bad Science — Wed, 21 Nov 2012 02:20:39 +0000

The Biggest Surprise of the Final Twilight Film…
the loud sucking sound throughout the movie was the movie series actually sucking.
a space laser evaporated the lot of them in the middle of the movie and none of the people watching noticed.

By: phreshone

phreshone — Wed, 21 Nov 2012 01:52:00 +0000

… is when Col. Henry Blake’s plane is shot down over the Sea of Japan

By: phreshone

phreshone — Wed, 21 Nov 2012 01:48:21 +0000

… is that it was all just Bobby’s dream

By: arik

arik — Tue, 20 Nov 2012 23:00:09 +0000

The biggest surprise of the final Twilight film is (spoiler alert) the death of most of the major characters at the hands of Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter.

And yes, I stole that from Jimmy Fallon. But it was too good not to.

By: CTCompromise

CTCompromise — Tue, 20 Nov 2012 22:18:12 +0000

The biggest surprise of the final Twilight film…was that it got less press than the personal lives of the idiot actors in it.

By: CTCompromise

CTCompromise — Tue, 20 Nov 2012 22:16:58 +0000

The biggest surprise of the final Twilight film…was Rod Serling narrating at the end how they had been in “The Twilight Zone” and the whole story was from a drug induced coma.

By: Writer

Writer — Tue, 20 Nov 2012 21:57:17 +0000

… the only Vampires who “Twinkle” in sunlight are also “light in the loafers”

By: plentyobailouts

plentyobailouts — Tue, 20 Nov 2012 21:51:39 +0000

… were the zombies snickering in the background.

… was that the sparkling was just the aneurysm.

… was that someone actually spent money to make this “thing”.

By: Dohtimes

Dohtimes — Tue, 20 Nov 2012 20:35:15 +0000

…was learning all the sparkly blood suckers were just gay lawyers looking for Obama’s navy corpsemen.

…is seeing all the werewolves in the feminine products aisle every full moon.

…was when Frank J and spacemonkey got in that fight to be first in line.

By: CarolyntheMommy

CarolyntheMommy — Tue, 20 Nov 2012 20:05:30 +0000

It was weird, but they showed up to fight with their faces painted half blue, and then they all lifted their kilts. I’m still not sure what that was all about, but baby, it was cold outside.

By: rodney dill

rodney dill — Tue, 20 Nov 2012 19:41:34 +0000

…was when the vampires built a giant wooden Werebadger.

By: CarolyntheMommy

CarolyntheMommy — Tue, 20 Nov 2012 19:32:32 +0000

There was a flash mob dancing to “Thriller” in the middle of the whole thing.

By: Lane C. Russell

Lane C. Russell — Tue, 20 Nov 2012 19:28:20 +0000

Is when the werewolves start up a casino.

By: Greg

Greg — Tue, 20 Nov 2012 19:25:23 +0000

Was Edward dropping Bella like a cold fish and running off to San Francisco with that hunk Jacob.

By: HokieGomer

HokieGomer — Tue, 20 Nov 2012 19:15:15 +0000

…was Gary Busey’s cameo dressed as a prom queen.

By: Son of Bob

Son of Bob — Tue, 20 Nov 2012 19:07:48 +0000

…that people are still going to watch Twilight films.