Straight Line of the Day: The White House Released a New iPhone App…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
The White House released a new iPhone app…
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November 29th, 2012 at 12:06 pm
…that will require 128GB.
November 29th, 2012 at 12:07 pm
…that directly funnels money from your bank accounts to the federal government.
November 29th, 2012 at 12:07 pm
Increase taxes, don’t cut spending? There’s an app for that.
November 29th, 2012 at 12:07 pm
The White House Released a New iPhone App… to make Boehner cry.
November 29th, 2012 at 12:08 pm
…that helps the user locate the nearest condom distributor.
November 29th, 2012 at 12:08 pm
The White House Released a New iPhone App…that sends minutes in your plan to people with Obamaphones.
November 29th, 2012 at 12:12 pm
iSwipe: deposits your paycheck directly with the IRS, eliminating that pesky banking middleman.
November 29th, 2012 at 12:13 pm
…that progressively increases your phone bill each month until you’re forced to drop your plan and buy an Obama Phone.
November 29th, 2012 at 12:15 pm
The White House Released a New iPhone App…that provides directions to the nearest dog pounds, dog parks and pet stores… and cooking directions.
November 29th, 2012 at 12:21 pm
It’s the Joe Biden Quote Generator! It assembles random sentences from a stored list of offensive and/or bizarre words & phrases – just like Joe does!
November 29th, 2012 at 12:26 pm
The White House Released a New iPhone App… the iRule.
November 29th, 2012 at 12:33 pm
…every time you do something wrong, it automatically sends Susan Rice out to lie to everyone about it.
November 29th, 2012 at 12:35 pm
…called Jay Carney Games.
November 29th, 2012 at 12:42 pm
… It identifies different breeds of dogs and recommends proper wine to accompany them.
November 29th, 2012 at 12:43 pm
… that notifies you when any given promise of the president’s reaches its expiration date.
November 29th, 2012 at 12:46 pm
That lets you send a text to your Congressman and Senators 5x a day reminding them to face Mecca and pray. Basic for free. Premium includes alert tone of prettiest sound on earth–the Muslim call to prayer.
November 29th, 2012 at 12:58 pm
no one has ripped off the simpsons yet so i may as well:
… It consists of a single button labeled SUBMIT
November 29th, 2012 at 12:59 pm
It gives th user a direct line to send complaints, compliments, and good ideas to an unmonitored inbox where it can be properly ignored.
November 29th, 2012 at 1:11 pm
Gives voice directions to the nearest abortion provider, and a two for the price of one coupon.
November 29th, 2012 at 1:26 pm
Takes your unused minutes are redistributes them to others that have squandered their own.
November 29th, 2012 at 1:42 pm
…that alerts you if you hold the phone upside down.
November 29th, 2012 at 1:45 pm
…it gives you a false Native American lineage and name… (e.g. Dances with wookies.)
November 29th, 2012 at 1:54 pm
…Provides you information on correctly using all the racist code words.
November 29th, 2012 at 1:57 pm
…has a proximity detector and alarm for whenever Joe Biden is approaching. (MALARKY MALARKY MALARKY!)
November 29th, 2012 at 3:18 pm
The White House released a new iPhone app… that blames Bush.
November 29th, 2012 at 3:19 pm
The White House released a new iPhone app… that makes the Obama Administration totally transparent… the bugs are expected to be worked out in the next version available early 2017.
November 29th, 2012 at 3:23 pm
The White House released a new iPhone app… the iPhoney
November 29th, 2012 at 3:36 pm
It works in four different languages; English, Spanish, Wookie and Klingon.
November 29th, 2012 at 3:38 pm
It requires you to buy a larger SD card, because it calculates the national debt in real time, and 32GB is the minimum required to display a number that large.
November 29th, 2012 at 4:44 pm
The White House released a new iPhone app…to replace the old mapping app. Unfortunately, it just keeps telling you to go left.
November 29th, 2012 at 4:48 pm
The White House released a new iPhone app…unfortunately, since it was a government program, the app was designed in China, built in Canada, cost millions of dollars to develop, and is not compatible with Apple products.
November 29th, 2012 at 5:44 pm
…that does nothing but calculate how much the app is costing taxpayers.
…which helps you distinguish a black hole 17 billion times larger than the sun from Michelle’s big Bertha Butt Bootay.
…that lets you make a charitable donation to the IRS in lieu of flowers for the funeral services being held for The United States Of America preceding Obama’s second inauguration.
November 29th, 2012 at 5:48 pm
#11 Rodney, does that one update the iWon?
November 29th, 2012 at 5:53 pm
The White House Released a New iPhone App… It costs way too much, is inefficient and no one wants it.
November 29th, 2012 at 7:31 pm
The White House released a new iPhone app…
that offers quotes from Marx and Chaiman Mao every time it rings.
November 29th, 2012 at 7:32 pm
requires minimum 16 bit but only works on 32.
November 29th, 2012 at 7:38 pm
The White House released a new iPhone app…
that balances your checkbook using the Proprietary Obama Budget transferring all valuables to the Federal Government.
that reports every mutter of Obama’s name to the thought police.
that causes the Calculater App to malfunction.
that balways points to Mecca.
that explains all Welfare Options for the individual.
November 29th, 2012 at 8:18 pm
The White House released a new iPhone app… the I-Waffle!
If Obama is off prompter, it synchs up everybody’s iPhone to dramatic, but pointless news story videos that play automatically at full volume. It is like a cloaking device for Obama’s inability to form even a single thought into words in public.
Oh, wait, the commercial news media already does that. Never mind.
November 29th, 2012 at 9:17 pm
You can download it on Google play.
November 30th, 2012 at 12:28 am
…when you dial 911, it automatically sends out a press release saying your emergency is a result of you doing something that insulted Islam.
November 30th, 2012 at 9:01 am
…. Angry Dems
…. Angry Chicks
…. Hippie Punching With Friends
…. Whack a Fluk
November 30th, 2012 at 9:15 am
…but you still can’t use it on the Tarmac… sorry Alec.
November 30th, 2012 at 5:53 pm
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