We Almost Nuked the Moon in the 50s

Absolutely everyone emailed and tweeted me to tell me that there is a news story about how the government plotted to nuke the moon. Thanks, absolutely everyone. It’s good that when people see things about the moon being nuked, they think of me.

The only thing is, there is nothing new in that story. This is stuff that has been reported on years ago (and as Harvey pointed out, has been commented on this site before). So I don’t know why this is a big story being linked by Drudge all of a sudden other than it was an extremely slow news and someone at the AP just stumbled across this stuff for the first time and had space to fill.

So anyway, yes, the government thought about nuking the moon in the 50s. I did know this for a long time, but not back when I wrote my Nuke the Moon essay over ten years ago. So basically this proves I’m not crazy and that I think like a military general from the 50s.

But why are we talking about the past? Let’s talk about the future of nuking the moon. While we missed out our chance to scare the Soviets with us nuking the moon, we could still scare Islamic terrorists. They seem to have an affinity for the moon since they use a crescent moon as a symbol since they think Allah lives there or something (I never really studied Islam). Thus, if we nuke the moon, we could scare them away from extremism. Also, we could scare the Chinese Communists from trying to land on the moon since they know we could nuke it at anytime. So, nuking the moon is one of the greatest plans man has ever had — if not the greatest idea.

I proposed this to Obama last year, but he just cried and told me to stop yelling at him. So, while his back was turned, I penciled in “the moon” on his secret drone kill list. I don’t think that worked, though. I was hoping for a new administration next year that would be more open to nuclear strikes against natural satellites, but no luck. Of course, if I’m elected in president in 2016, on day two I will launch a nuclear strike against the moon (day one will be spent getting used to my new office, setting up my computer, and getting automatic deposit set up for my paycheck).

For more information on nuking the moon, buy my new book and read the chapter on war. Thank you for your moon nuking interest.

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  1. Perhaps we should do some nuke testing before taking on the moon. Might I suggest Chicago and Detroit as a warm up for the bigger mission.


  2. The only thing I don’t like about nuking the moon is that it fails to actually annihilate any of our enemies… It seems like a waste of a perfectly good nuke.

    Besides, our traitor media would probably cast it as though we unintentionally “missed” our target, then our enemies would all laugh at us and our terrible aim: “Haha! Stupid Americans can’t even hit the broad side of the Earth!” All the while, our presidential pantywaist would be apologizing for another American “failure.”


  3. Pingback: IMAO » Blog Archive » Nuke the Moon: The Movie

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