Bear tunnels

Posted on December 31, 2012 11:00 am

Quick, if you had $60.5-million, wouldn’t you use it to build bear tunnels? That’s what the state of Georgia is doing.

I’m not sure where it got the $60.5-million. Probably free money. You know, tax money. So, it’s not like it’s money that could have spent on something else. I mean, Georgia has just under 10-million people, so that’s a little over $6 for every man woman and child. And if they gave each resident $6, they’d just spend on something silly, like a McRib meal plus a McFlurry or something equally stupid.

No, Georgia is putting that money to good use, by building bear tunnels.

They’re doing this in three stages. After all, you can’t expect to build all the bear tunnels at once, now could you? The first stage will be in central Georgia, along State Road 96, which runs from US-80 in Geneva to US-441 south of Wilkinson. If you don’t know those places, don’t sweat it; most folks in Georgia haven’t either. But, apparently, the bears know all about it.

According to the report, some scientist people put up cameras along the route to get an idea about bears:

Scientists have also placed remote cameras near current bridges along State Route 96 to monitor the bears’ movement.

“We’re getting pictures of bobcats and deer and all kinds of other species,” (UGA wildlife ecologist Mike) Chamberlain said.

And, as everyone knows, pictures of bobcats and deer near bridges means that bears are off looking for tunnels to safely cross the road.

The state is also are going to build bear tunnels in the norther part of the state, up in the mountains. They’re also going to build bear tunnels down south, near my old stomping grounds, close to the Okefenokee Swamp.

I may take off work and go watch them build that one. I’ve always wanted to see grown men try to build a tunnel in a swamp. That sounds like fun!

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26 Responses to “Bear tunnels”

  1. Mxymaster says:

    Huh. Despite its having given Jimmy Carter to the world and hosting the Braves, Georgia always seemed to be one of the more sensible states. Not like my home of New York–where you could arrest every single person working at the capital and find something that would stick. (Wouldn’t even have to look that hard, I’m guessing.) And now the bear tunnels come along.

    So…did all these roads spring up overnight, suddenly leaving the bears cut off from their happy bear grounds?

  2. Harvey says:

    I suspect this is a result of Florida’s turtle tunnels being such a rousing success:

  3. Son of Bob says:

    Next phase of the project? Another 60 million used to train bears to recognize and use bear tunnels.

  4. Jimmy says:

    Speaking of tunnels, where the hell is Frank?

  5. Basil says:

    Who is Frank?

  6. RedMindBlueState says:

    Reminds me of the proposal back in the late 90’s to build highway overpasses for the squirrel population in some part of Washington state.

  7. SkyWatch says:

    They will have to put signs up all over the place pointing towards the tunnels so the bears know that is where they should cross.

  8. Tommy the Towelhead says:

    The bears will quickly learn how to get other animals to enter the tunnel. Then the state will rename it a feeding station.

  9. CTCompromise says:

    My favorite quote from the @2 link “Even if you are not in favor of wildlife conservation, which a major part of this project is, would you want to hit a 400 lbs alligator with your car at night or have a turtle the size of a cinder block come through your windshield.” Turtles come through WINDSHIELDS??!! Which one? Donatello?

  10. CTCompromise says:

    Scientists have also placed remote cameras near current bridges along State Route 96 to monitor the bears’ movement.
    “We’re getting pictures of bobcats and deer and all kinds of other species,” (UGA wildlife ecologist Mike) Chamberlain said.

    Somehow, I suspect the A.C.L.U. is already planning a lawsuit on behalf of innocent victims being spied on by the government.

  11. CTCompromise says:

    And nay-sayers claim the stimulus money was wasted on “pork” projects…..How much would “Bear Crossing” signs cost !??

  12. Jimmy says:

    Basil, Frank (I think) is some guy who, years ago, used to make me spew coffee on my keyboard and monitor. It was before Obama, I think, when there was still light at the end of the tunnel! (Yay – I stayed on topic!)

  13. Bill says:

    These are the steward of tax payer dollars? Maybe they could not find enough deadbeats to give the money to.

  14. Greg says:

    This is really going to have a negative impact on the thriving “Road Kill Cafe” industry in Georgia. Think of all those poor “Kill-n-Grill” workers losing their jobs!!

  15. AT says:

    Oh my god it’s really happening. First it’s tunnels. Then it’s fortresses. Then it’s death camps. Then we must capitulate to our new Ursidae Overlords!


  16. NO_MO_BAMA says:

    So how soon after they finish these (20+years in union time)will someone decide there’s too many bears and spend another $60 million to …..relocate them?….kill them? fill in the tunnels so they get killed the old fashioned way? Eliminate the road, those bears are indians NATIVE AMERICANS!!!!

  17. CTCompromise says:

    If it’s anything like the gazzilion dollar “Big Dig” in Boston (and since it is a government/union job, I expect it will be..) it will not only be way late and way over budget..but once opened, the falling tiles will kill more bears than any vehicles have.

  18. Manolo says:

    Did they survey the bears and ask them if they were willing to use the tunnels?

  19. Manolo says:

    “Bear” is a euphemism for “homeless people.”

  20. Jimmy says:

    Yes, Sir Manolo, they DID survey the bears and they found that 57% of them approved of the tunnels as long as they would be cleaned often by human workers carrying peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

  21. Keln says:

    To get the bears to use the tunnels, they should put hippies in them.

  22. SkyWatch says:

    Bears have noses. They would never enter a hippie den.

  23. macko says:

    One thing for sure is that it will make it a lot easier to find a place to set up a tree stand

  24. Javelina Bomb says:

    Are you sure they’re not bear cannons because they’re actually pretty similar. All that’s missing is some propellant.

  25. Denise says:

    I guess if there’s any money left over they could provide all the bears with bow ties and pick-a-nick baskets.

  26. Critter says:

    i think we’re missing a real opprotunity here. we could entice any remaining occupiers into the tunnels, with, say, the promise of free stuff and a bed for the night, and then the bears would just happen along….

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