If Santa Were a Democrat
A majority think Santa is a Democrat? That’s stupid. A Democrat Santa would be awful.
DEMOCRAT SANTA
* To fund his Christmas gift giving, he’d spend the other 364 days of the year mugging people.
* If you left out cookies for him, he’d add you to Michelle Obama’s naughty list.
* The whole point of his gift giving would just be to get you to reelect him to his cushy Santa position.
* Instead of giving coal to bad kids, he’d take away their parents coal-related jobs.
* Main gift for girls: Abortion vouchers.
* No presents for any children unless he was allowed to raise tax on the rich for no particular reason.
* If you asked him for a Red Ryder BB gun, he’d report you to the police.
* He wouldn’t enter any home than displayed a manger on the front yard.
* It wouldn’t just be his outfit that was red.
Send to Kindle
(12 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
December 11th, 2012 at 11:03 am
Santa? Satan? Freudian slip?
December 11th, 2012 at 11:08 am
@1 – Fixed it for him.
But yeah, Frank’s hatred of liberals slipped through in that one
December 11th, 2012 at 11:14 am
He’d dump the reindeer and go with an all electric sleigh…which would only go 40 miles from the North Pole until he had to return and recharge.
December 11th, 2012 at 11:14 am
* Instead of presents, he’d go around giving out IOU’s that never get paid.
December 11th, 2012 at 11:15 am
He’d guarantee that the kids would get everything they asked for and then demand (at the point of a gun) that the parents pay for it.
December 11th, 2012 at 11:16 am
He’d run a non-union shop and pay female elves less.
December 11th, 2012 at 11:16 am
* His favorite color is a Christmassy nasal green.
December 11th, 2012 at 11:17 am
There would not be a naughty and nice list. It would be the “lucky” and “underprivileged” list.
December 11th, 2012 at 11:19 am
He’d dictate that parents could no longer give their kids presents. Instead, they’d have to pay an annual “gift tax” based on their income (or lack thereof) which would then be used to ensure all kids got the same amount of toys.
December 11th, 2012 at 11:21 am
..he wouldn’t have a naughty and nice list, he’d have a “racist/sexist” and “donor “list.
December 11th, 2012 at 11:22 am
Ah…I bow to jw.
December 11th, 2012 at 11:32 am
* Bad kids wouldn’t get coal in their stocking – because coal is bad – unless it’s all shipped to China because that’s good.
December 11th, 2012 at 11:53 am
Really? Who else would:
1. Watch you while you’re sleeping
2. Know when you’re awake
3. Know when you’ve been bad or good
4. Give you gifts that somebody else made while taking all the credit
if not a Democrat?
December 11th, 2012 at 12:02 pm
He’d promise toys every year, but never deliver…then come to take the toys you bought yourself.
December 11th, 2012 at 12:37 pm
Jay has a point there…
December 11th, 2012 at 2:47 pm
He’d bow down to the Grinch and then go play golf while Christmas was stolen. Until that happens though he would be sure to hire a bunch of cross dressing elves and deliver future generations gifts today.
December 11th, 2012 at 3:16 pm
He would be called Saint Prick.
December 11th, 2012 at 7:48 pm
He would get daily updates from the FBI about the believers and non-believers.
Non-believers would be charged to pay for the Believers’ gifts.
He would also demand Arugula Candy at Christmas time.
December 12th, 2012 at 4:00 pm
There would simply be no more Christmas; making toys, packing the sleigh, hooking up reindeer, delivering all stuff….sounds like a LOT of work….to hell with that. #OCCUPY NORTH POLE