If Santa Were a Democrat

A majority think Santa is a Democrat? That’s stupid. A Democrat Santa would be awful.


* To fund his Christmas gift giving, he’d spend the other 364 days of the year mugging people.

* If you left out cookies for him, he’d add you to Michelle Obama’s naughty list.

* The whole point of his gift giving would just be to get you to reelect him to his cushy Santa position.

* Instead of giving coal to bad kids, he’d take away their parents coal-related jobs.

* Main gift for girls: Abortion vouchers.

* No presents for any children unless he was allowed to raise tax on the rich for no particular reason.

* If you asked him for a Red Ryder BB gun, he’d report you to the police.

* He wouldn’t enter any home than displayed a manger on the front yard.

* It wouldn’t just be his outfit that was red.

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  1. He’d dictate that parents could no longer give their kids presents. Instead, they’d have to pay an annual “gift tax” based on their income (or lack thereof) which would then be used to ensure all kids got the same amount of toys.


  2. Really? Who else would:

    1. Watch you while you’re sleeping
    2. Know when you’re awake
    3. Know when you’ve been bad or good
    4. Give you gifts that somebody else made while taking all the credit

    if not a Democrat?


  3. He’d bow down to the Grinch and then go play golf while Christmas was stolen. Until that happens though he would be sure to hire a bunch of cross dressing elves and deliver future generations gifts today.


  4. He would get daily updates from the FBI about the believers and non-believers.
    Non-believers would be charged to pay for the Believers’ gifts.
    He would also demand Arugula Candy at Christmas time.


  5. There would simply be no more Christmas; making toys, packing the sleigh, hooking up reindeer, delivering all stuff….sounds like a LOT of work….to hell with that. #OCCUPY NORTH POLE



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