If Santa Were a Democrat

Posted on December 11, 2012 11:00 am

A majority think Santa is a Democrat? That’s stupid. A Democrat Santa would be awful.


* To fund his Christmas gift giving, he’d spend the other 364 days of the year mugging people.

* If you left out cookies for him, he’d add you to Michelle Obama’s naughty list.

* The whole point of his gift giving would just be to get you to reelect him to his cushy Santa position.

* Instead of giving coal to bad kids, he’d take away their parents coal-related jobs.

* Main gift for girls: Abortion vouchers.

* No presents for any children unless he was allowed to raise tax on the rich for no particular reason.

* If you asked him for a Red Ryder BB gun, he’d report you to the police.

* He wouldn’t enter any home than displayed a manger on the front yard.

* It wouldn’t just be his outfit that was red.

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19 Responses to “If Santa Were a Democrat”

  1. rodney dill says:

    Santa? Satan? Freudian slip?

  2. Harvey says:

    @1 – Fixed it for him.

    But yeah, Frank’s hatred of liberals slipped through in that one 😉

  3. FormerHostage says:

    He’d dump the reindeer and go with an all electric sleigh…which would only go 40 miles from the North Pole until he had to return and recharge.

  4. Jimmy says:

    * Instead of presents, he’d go around giving out IOU’s that never get paid.

  5. FormerHostage says:

    He’d guarantee that the kids would get everything they asked for and then demand (at the point of a gun) that the parents pay for it.

  6. FormerHostage says:

    He’d run a non-union shop and pay female elves less.

  7. Jimmy says:

    * His favorite color is a Christmassy nasal green.

  8. FormerHostage says:

    There would not be a naughty and nice list. It would be the “lucky” and “underprivileged” list.

  9. FormerHostage says:

    He’d dictate that parents could no longer give their kids presents. Instead, they’d have to pay an annual “gift tax” based on their income (or lack thereof) which would then be used to ensure all kids got the same amount of toys.

  10. jw says:

    ..he wouldn’t have a naughty and nice list, he’d have a “racist/sexist” and “donor “list.

  11. FormerHostage says:

    Ah…I bow to jw.

  12. Jimmy says:

    * Bad kids wouldn’t get coal in their stocking – because coal is bad – unless it’s all shipped to China because that’s good.

  13. Jay says:

    Really? Who else would:

    1. Watch you while you’re sleeping
    2. Know when you’re awake
    3. Know when you’ve been bad or good
    4. Give you gifts that somebody else made while taking all the credit

    if not a Democrat?

  14. Son of Bob says:

    He’d promise toys every year, but never deliver…then come to take the toys you bought yourself.

  15. Keln says:

    Jay has a point there…

  16. Dohtimes says:

    He’d bow down to the Grinch and then go play golf while Christmas was stolen. Until that happens though he would be sure to hire a bunch of cross dressing elves and deliver future generations gifts today.

  17. Bfpa61 says:

    He would be called Saint Prick.

  18. Writer says:

    He would get daily updates from the FBI about the believers and non-believers.
    Non-believers would be charged to pay for the Believers’ gifts.
    He would also demand Arugula Candy at Christmas time.

  19. Comrade Chairman Obama says:

    There would simply be no more Christmas; making toys, packing the sleigh, hooking up reindeer, delivering all stuff….sounds like a LOT of work….to hell with that. #OCCUPY NORTH POLE

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