Killer Hippies

Posted on December 31, 2012 2:30 pm

There’s a story out today about a hippie couple (I assume they are hippies as they are Occupiers) who, it was found when police raided their apartment for suspected fraud, had been making bombs and collecting weapons. Now, most hippies, hipsters, occupiers, whatever, espouse ideals of peace and love and marijuana smoking and not being a responsible adult. Generally, they don’t plan terrorist attacks or the like, which is why the best way to deal with them is by punching them. You know, because it’s an honest attempt to knock some sense into them and also it’s fun to do for the whole family.

But what happens when hippies get violent and arm themselves? How do you deal with them then? And I’m not talking about an obviously armed hippie that you would simply shoot like any threatening criminal, but when hippies are becoming more armed and dangerous how do you approach the hippie you see on the street? Punch them anyway and take your chances? Leave them alone?

I mean, other than some outliers like the Manson Family and such, hippies have been awfully annoying but mostly harmless. When they are crazed enough about their “cause”, whatever that is, they might just set aside their “morals”, whatever those are, and go on crazy rampages and start bombing Wall Street instead of merely stinking it up.

Like terrorist hippies or something. That’s a pretty scary thought right there. I wonder what a terrorist hippie yells when they pull a trigger instead of “Allah Ackbar!”. Maybe something like “Berkenstocks!”, or maybe “Occupy!” or whatever.

Anyway, I think this is a serious threat to our safety and there should probably be a debate about “hippie control”. Like hippies should all be rounded up into communes or something, for their safety and ours. I mean, they like communes right? We can give them lots of trees to hug. And bears. They love bears and natury stuff they’ve never actually seen. We can give them all kinds of bears to roam around in their peaceful, tree-filled, weapon-free communes. Then they can be happy with each other and do what they want and nobody will complain about the smell.

Except maybe the bears.

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15 Responses to “Killer Hippies”

  1. Apostic says:

    Like terrorist hippies or something.

    Or as they are called in our home: “trippies”

  2. Brutus says:

    A Hippie in every Tunnel (in GA).

  3. Jimmy says:

    “Maybe something like “Berkenstocks!”, or maybe “Occupy!” or whatever.”

    “Save the planet!”
    “Like, dude!”
    “Volkwagen!”

  4. Bunkerhillbilly says:

    The threat of the Killer Hippie goes back to the late 1960s and early ’70s when those scruffs started with blowing up ROTC buildings and went on to airplane hijacking and kidnapping.

    What do you think COINTELPRO was about?

    Google Patty Hearst and the Symbionese Liberation Army. (Those nutters were all about the AK-47 and the Che Guevarra poster.)

    It’s not like they were robbing banks in California to afford their subscriptions to National Review and membership in the local John Birch chapter.

  5. Bunkerhillbilly says:

    The sad thing is, that while President Nixon was willing to loose the FBI and COINTELPRO on the domestic terror threat (not to mention deploying Virginia and Maryland National Guardsmen around the capitol with belt-served .50 cal machine guns when the Hippies would protest), Obama, and Eric Holder, will seek to coddle them, saying how “misunderstood” these killer hippies are and how there needs to be more “tolerance” of differing ideologies for the sake of greater “diversity”.

  6. Greg says:

    Hippies-a bear’s natural laxative. “Does a bear s$^t in the woods? Yes, if it just ate a hippie!”

  7. Jimmy says:

    So, what’s the difference between a “killer hippie” and a “hippie killer?”

    One is the killer “killor” and the other is the killer “killee.”

    I need a drink.

  8. Keln says:

    @ Bunkerhillbilly:

    I think you missed the entire point of this post, which is that we really need to open up a national dialogue about hippie control. And bears.

  9. arik says:

    We oughta do what my Alma Mater did. We know how to handle hippies at Kent State.

  10. Bunkerhillbilly says:

    @Keln:

    Got the point. Added a modicum of historical depth.

    The subspecies of Killer Hippie is not a recent plague on society…and that the eradication methods deployed in the past, which, for a time, met with success, are not likely to be used with the same degree of enthusiastic vigor by the current administration.

    Thus, any “national dialogue” will not be brought about by the alphabet nets or sponsored by Ram Tough trucks and Armalite.

    It may be conducted, feebly and highly abridged, on twitter.

    Unless communication in 160 character flatulences is now considered verbose.

  11. arik says:

    Actually, I suspect the Hippie Battle Cry, Shouted as they spray the crowd with bullets, or blow themselves to heck with a vest bomb is: WORLD PEACE NOW!!!

  12. BblhdDave says:

    Would Bill Ayers be considered a killer hippie? Whatever, I don’t like him.

  13. Writer says:

    A place for Hippies and Bears.
    Hmmmm.
    I know, we can give then a chunk of the Kenai Penninsula, and fence them both in.
    Kodiaks like dumb hippies.

  14. Critter says:

    given the number of hippies consumed each year by Alaskan brown bears and grizzlies, i think AK would be an excellent tourist destination.

  15. Anonymiss says:

    Keln! KELN! It’s so nice to see you!

    Have you been away doing research on Hippies and Bears?

    We missed you :)

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