Comments on: Our Awful Baby Names

By: Comrade Chairman Obama

Comrade Chairman Obama — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 20:50:10 +0000

“Buttercup” would have been a fine, just fine, first name; but, you’re right – since it’s the middle name it doesn’t count. Friends of ours gave their daughter the middle name Morgana; Mrs. friend convinced Mr. Friend to make it the middle name instead of the first. True story.

Anyhoo, while I raised my eyebrows and/or laughed at several entries on the boys’ lists, I’ll confess, the girls seriously got the sh*t-end of the stick on this one. What you said about girls getting random last names – couldn’t agree more.

I hope there are soon-to-be parents out there reading this, cuz listen up: Your child’s name is NOT the moment to let your creativity shine, you heartless, soulless bastards: the CHILD is the one who has to live with it, not you, so get your heads out of your asses give your kids names that say “this is a definitely a girl”, or “this is definitely a boy” – or move to Sweden or some other androgynous country.

That is all.

By: Anna

Anna — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 09:23:26 +0000

Hehe. I want to give my kids normal, unmakefunable first names but absolutely evil middle names, to give them character. Perhaps Tsepesh or Ouranos for boys, and Berengaria or Stheneboeia (if I figure out how to pronounce it…or maybe even if I don’t) for girls.

By: Tommy the Towelhead

Tommy the Towelhead — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 01:43:27 +0000

Pubert.

By: Wombat

Wombat — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 00:13:43 +0000

My name hasn’t been in the top 100 since the 1600s. I like my mother’s naming strategy ( to select names that half of my sibs and my first grade classes wouldn’t have [she succeeded]). I have to agree with FrankJ on this one. If we give our kids sissy names, odds are they will grow up to be sissies. Maybe if we name our kids after conquerors we can be the biggest baddest superpower ever.

By: CarolyntheMommy

CarolyntheMommy — Tue, 11 Dec 2012 23:23:46 +0000

Weird names are stupid. Stick to normal stuff, like hashtag.

By: Keln

Keln — Tue, 11 Dec 2012 22:47:59 +0000

I wanted to name my first son Zoltan Agamemnon.

Wife wouldn’t go for it.

Seems like a strong name to me, but nobody wants strong names anymore. They want “nice sounding” names. Since when do conquerors have nice sounding names?

Oh yeah, I wanted my first son to be a conqueror when he grows up. I don’t think the wife is keen on that either.

By: Bunkerhillbilly

Bunkerhillbilly — Tue, 11 Dec 2012 22:40:22 +0000

Harpers play Irish harps (the kind found in bars). Guinness, Bushmill's and Laphroaig are also found in bars...(along with Asian hookers named Rusty and peg-legged boozers named Buck.) I don't see those names represented on this ferkakte list. I did meet a Johnny Walker when I was in the service...and there was this one senior NCO who had the alternating nicknames of Old Granddad and The Famous Grouse. (Or was that Famous Grouch?)

By: Iowa Jim

Iowa Jim — Tue, 11 Dec 2012 21:51:00 +0000

It’s “harpist”, not “harper”….

I know a fair number of people who play harps. Harpists play pedal harps (the kind found in a symphony orchestra). Harpers play Irish harps
(the kind found in bars).

By: Son of Bob

Son of Bob — Tue, 11 Dec 2012 20:39:07 +0000

So, even though so many of these heathens don’t believe in God, almost every name from the Bible is represented on the list.

By: sarahk

sarahk — Tue, 11 Dec 2012 20:30:34 +0000

Reese is probably after Reese Witherspoon, dummy.

By: silaS marreD

silaS marreD — Tue, 11 Dec 2012 20:20:04 +0000

My first son went from top 130 when he has born to top 5 now; we were ahead of the curve! My second son languishes in the top 14,500 names and is unlikely to get any closer.

“Jace” sounds more annoying than the ones you mentioned. His classmates will probably change it to something like “Ugly Face Jace”!

By: Elvenbane

Elvenbane — Tue, 11 Dec 2012 19:46:29 +0000

One of my sons has a name in the top 5 of that list. I was a bit upset with that at first, then I remembered that his first name was a compromise to get his middle name Kael which although it means faithful, it is the bad guy on Willow. And he is SO PROUD of that simple fact.

By: Jimmy

Jimmy — Tue, 11 Dec 2012 19:46:13 +0000

You failed to mention your chosen name for your next child. If it’s a boy, will it be “Frank J., Jr.?”

Then you could call him “J-J.”

Or you could name him the best name on the planet: “James.”

By: Andy

Andy — Tue, 11 Dec 2012 19:08:45 +0000

It’s “harpist”, not “harper”….

By: Mxymaster

Mxymaster — Tue, 11 Dec 2012 19:07:09 +0000

@plenty

Harumph!

By: Genghis Khen

Genghis Khen — Tue, 11 Dec 2012 19:04:37 +0000

Anyone who names their kid something that rhymes with ‘aiden’ is a moron. No apologies to all you morons out there. Approved names are: Genghis, Attilla, and Alexander. If your name doesn’t strike fear into those that don’t know you, you’ve done something wrong.

By: plentyobailouts

plentyobailouts — Tue, 11 Dec 2012 19:01:56 +0000

This was obviously rigged and part of the hippie conspiracy. Olaf and Sven did not make the list. Nor did Angus or Carmichael, therefore the list is rigged.

I didn’t get a harumph out of that guy!

By: Mxymaster

Mxymaster — Tue, 11 Dec 2012 18:50:35 +0000

Ragu got all over that one.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UVBbkf7ZLGs

By: Dave

Dave — Tue, 11 Dec 2012 18:44:30 +0000

what? no Hussein? or barack?

By: Bunkerhillbilly

Bunkerhillbilly — Tue, 11 Dec 2012 18:37:13 +0000

Horace?!?

C’mon now…you need a robust, manly name like Percival. Or Rupert.

Those names just bristle with the implication of a square jaw, dragging knuckles and unchecked mayhem just simmering beneath the surface.

Wesley and Llewellyn too.

Several New Orleans Saints defensive players are named Llewellyn.

By: Greg Zywicki

Greg Zywicki — Tue, 11 Dec 2012 18:36:59 +0000

It started with splash

By: Tim

Tim — Tue, 11 Dec 2012 18:10:58 +0000

I agree there weren’t any good solid names like Horace. A name like Horace would give a kid character.