Now I’m reading where Peter Parker, who is Spider-Man, is going to die in the upcoming issue 700.
Only, Peter Parker died in some issue back in August 2011 and Miles Morales became the new Spider-Man. Except that was another continuity. Or something.
Anyway, Peter Parker is going to die … unless that’s a spoiler and I wasn’t supposed to tell that, in which case, SOMETHING BIG WILL HAPPEN … and Doctor Octavius will become the new Spider-Man. Or something.
Okay, I need to back up for a second. I don’t get comic books. I just don’t get them. Superman? Don’t get it. Bat-Man? Don’t get it. Spider-Man? Yeah, I don’t get it.
Yes, I fully realize this is blasphemy, and that many of you are lining up to tie me to a stake, stack wood and brush, and set me alight. And, I suspect that Frank J. would be taking the lead on this. But guess what? He doesn’t read the stuff I write. I’m not even sure he remembers I have the keys to the place. He’s got a wife, a kid, and another on the way. He’s too busy to worry about me.
Anyway, I don’t get comics. Particularly the whole multiple universe thing. That’s the comic book version of Bobby Ewing in the shower.
I can stand some kid being bitten by a radioactive spider and suddenly being able to climb walls and such … okay, maybe I can’t.
But I can get into stories about a super-rich guy who runs around in his underwear and a cape fighting criminals who dress up like playing cards or flightless birds … okay I don’t get that either.
Well, I can deal with a space alien who can fly and disguise himself with a pair of glasses and bullets bounce off him but he ducks when someone throws a gun at him …
I just don’t get comics.
What if Obama’s election — and re-election — is actually part of an alternate universe like one where Spider-Man is Bruce Wayne’s sidekick or Superman is a country music singer?
I kinda like that other universe better.