Spider-Man dies. Again.
Now I’m reading where Peter Parker, who is Spider-Man, is going to die in the upcoming issue 700.
Only, Peter Parker died in some issue back in August 2011 and Miles Morales became the new Spider-Man. Except that was another continuity. Or something.
Anyway, Peter Parker is going to die … unless that’s a spoiler and I wasn’t supposed to tell that, in which case, SOMETHING BIG WILL HAPPEN … and Doctor Octavius will become the new Spider-Man. Or something.
Okay, I need to back up for a second. I don’t get comic books. I just don’t get them. Superman? Don’t get it. Bat-Man? Don’t get it. Spider-Man? Yeah, I don’t get it.
Yes, I fully realize this is blasphemy, and that many of you are lining up to tie me to a stake, stack wood and brush, and set me alight. And, I suspect that Frank J. would be taking the lead on this. But guess what? He doesn’t read the stuff I write. I’m not even sure he remembers I have the keys to the place. He’s got a wife, a kid, and another on the way. He’s too busy to worry about me.
Anyway, I don’t get comics. Particularly the whole multiple universe thing. That’s the comic book version of Bobby Ewing in the shower.
I can stand some kid being bitten by a radioactive spider and suddenly being able to climb walls and such … okay, maybe I can’t.
But I can get into stories about a super-rich guy who runs around in his underwear and a cape fighting criminals who dress up like playing cards or flightless birds … okay I don’t get that either.
Well, I can deal with a space alien who can fly and disguise himself with a pair of glasses and bullets bounce off him but he ducks when someone throws a gun at him …
I just don’t get comics.
Unless…
What if Obama’s election — and re-election — is actually part of an alternate universe like one where Spider-Man is Bruce Wayne’s sidekick or Superman is a country music singer?
I kinda like that other universe better.
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December 27th, 2012 at 6:02 pm
Hey guys? Remember, when we get the wood and brush to tie Basil to for burning, get the extra fresh, wet wood-it’ll be smokier, burn longer, and create more agony for the blasphemer.
Just kidding.
Really.
December 27th, 2012 at 6:40 pm
I’m not a big comic book fan, but I do enjoy stories where a good guy delivers pain and suffering to a bad guy with extreme prejudice, malice, and cruelty.
So… Dirty Harry & RoboCop are my favorite movies.
As for comics, Frank Miller’s “Dark Knight” trilogy is about as close as I get to enjoying that genre.
Outside of that, long-running comics tend to start pulling crap “surprises” like daytime soap operas do, just because they’re out of ideas.
December 27th, 2012 at 6:56 pm
The problem with comics isn’t the characters, it’s that they go on for 700 issues,
when going beyond 2-300 necessitates multi-verses, ‘imaginary-what-if’ stories,
silly reinventions of the characters, new ‘desperatly-seeking-relevance-through-current-events’ characters,
‘wait-and-see-how-we-resurrect-the-beloved-character-we-killed-off-again’ stories,
‘surprise-he’s-really-a-clone’ stories etc.
Nuff said!
December 27th, 2012 at 7:03 pm
There’s no legitimate argument for any civilian to possess wall-climbing or high-capacity web-slinging abilities.
December 27th, 2012 at 9:38 pm
Hmmm, Batman with Spiderman as a sidekick instead of Robin… that actually would have worked really well on the original TV series. You know, when Batman was a comedy? Geez, let Big Drama in and they’ll wreck everything, although the special effects are fun to watch for a while, I guess.
December 28th, 2012 at 1:22 am
I gave up on comics when they stopped being fun and tried to be serious.
Superman, dude, you wear your underpants OVER your long-johns.
Lighten up.
But I still check Axe Cop every week on the interwebs.
December 28th, 2012 at 2:36 am
I don’t care much for comic books anymore. Archies, Richie Rich, etc. were fun. Superheroes belong in the movies.