Straight Line of the Day: Time Magazine Explained That They Picked Obama As “Person of the Year” Because…

Posted on December 20, 2012 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Time Magazine explained that they picked Obama as “Person of the Year” because…

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62 Responses to “Straight Line of the Day: Time Magazine Explained That They Picked Obama As “Person of the Year” Because…”

  1. rodney dill says:

    …it was deemed to be RACIST if they didn’t.

  2. rodney dill says:

    …He won.

    …There wasn’t anyone in the GOP worth sucking up to.

  3. rodney dill says:

    …because, uh… .LOOK SQUIRREL!

  4. SOYLENT GREEN says:

    Derp and Trollface already turned them down.

  5. g says:

    … After naming Hitler in `38, Stalin in `39 & `42, Khrushchev in `57, Khomeini in `79 and Putin in 2007 how could they not?

  6. Alucard says:

    …the check just cleared.

  7. IP says:

    In the end, there can be… Only one.

  8. Apostic says:

    …because the Adolph Reed Jr. said in a NYT op-ed that Time needed a token black for Person Of the Year. (Actually he said “toking,” but…)

  9. BigAl says:

    Karl Marx is dead.

  10. Greg says:

    because the prophet Mohammed(PBUH!!!) has already been selected as Person of the Millenium.

  11. Joel says:

    because he warned them that they would be shut down by executive order if they didn’t.

  12. MrsSgtTeddyBear says:

    …he gives them a thrill up their legs.

  13. tomg51 says:

    ….because they figured out he wasn’t a mollusk

  14. SteveK says:

    …because SHUTUP!

  15. tomg51 says:

    …because they’re saving Putin for Person of the Decade.

  16. DamnCat says:

    …they need a bailout.

  17. Conservatarian says:

    …they are hell-bent on “fundamentally changing America.”

  18. Chip says:

    I thought Person of the Year was one of those Racist Dog Whistle words.

  19. Gun Nut says:

    5.g says:
    December 20th, 2012 at 12:10 pm
    … After naming Hitler in `38, Stalin in `39 & `42, Khrushchev in `57, Khomeini in `79 and Putin in 2007 how could they not?

    Dont forget Gorbachev as man of the decade-for the eighties!! I seem to remember a guy named Ronald Reagan winning the cold war but maybe I’ve got that backwards….

  20. Mxymaster says:

    Because they could barely contain themselves from voting him Person of the Forever Every Single Gosh-darn Day!!!!!1!!!

  21. Raving Lunatic says:

    …they found time in the Gulag less appealing
    …they couldn’t think of anyone else who had done more for the cause of communism
    …there are no other people. You sub-humans should have figured that out by now.

  22. rodney dill says:

    They felt threatened when Obama was talking about the Mayan calendar and mentioned something about the ‘End of Time.’

    …because Biden’s mouth was already booked.

  23. Comrade Chairman Obama says:

    Because, they figured that with their solid track record of featuring well-established dictators, it was time to branch out into the “Dictator Wannabe” category.

  24. jw says:

    …the world is ending dec 21 anyway.

  25. rodney dill says:

    …they asked Obama who would be the best person to pick.

  26. tomg51 says:

    …because The Year of Obama has replaced The Year of the Tiger in the Chinese calendar

  27. piratepops says:

    what better way to mark the passing of the year in which the world ends than by honoring the world’s biggest failure?

  28. Iowa Jim says:

    . . . the rest of the candidates considered were Sandra Fluke, Christopher Stevens, Hillary Clinton, and Pee-Wee Herman.

  29. CarolyntheMommy says:

    … because it was the only way to get anyone talking about/paying attention to…. what’s the magazine called again?

  30. Jimmy says:

    Who or what is “Time Magazine?”

  31. Ernie Loco says:

    …they’re a bunch of left-wing, America hating communist dickweeds, and Obama is their god-king.

    Oh, was this supposed to be funny instead of the truth? My bad.

  32. CTCompromise says:

    “31 Responses to “Straight Line of the Day: Time Magazine Explained That They Picked Obama As “Person of the Year” Because…” Their first choice had been killed by Seal Team 6 at his compound.

  33. arik says:

    Time Magazine explained that they picked Obama as “Person of the Year” because.

    Just because.

    Or BECAUSE THEY SAID SO!!!!

  34. CTCompromise says:

    “Time Magazine Explained That They Picked Obama As “Person of the Year” Because…” he closed Gitmo, created a healthy job market, fixed the economy, restored pride in America…no, wait a minute…Well, he finally got above a 50% approval rating, didn’t he?

  35. Dohtimes says:

    …no matter how many times he pees down their legs they always end up believing it’s raining pee.

    …the dognapper’s note told them to.

    …they had no money to pay a photographer to shoot the real winner so they just retitled their Worse Than Hitler issue.

    …they got on the hipster irony bandwagon a little late, or created it, only time will tell.

  36. CTCompromise says:

    Time Magazine Explained That They Picked Obama As “Person of the Year” Because…they thought this was the Year of the Dog in China.

  37. Dohtimes says:

    …he can order a drone strike on any damn elementary school classroom he feels like and you can’t.

  38. Dohtimes says:

    …”We don’t believe he is Jesus, just that he rose from the Dead Heads”.

  39. CTCompromise says:

    Time Magazine Explained That They Picked Obama As “Person of the Year” Because…They figured they would sell a least a couple of hundred issues to Obama; So that he has a gift to give every head of state as he travels.

  40. CTCompromise says:

    Time Magazine Explained That They Picked Obama As “Person of the Year” Because…We wanted to prove we are not racists, we do not judge people by the color of their skin…Although, he IS black, and that’s cool, dude.

  41. CTCompromise says:

    Time Magazine Explained That They Picked Obama As “Person of the Year” Because…the editors are as clueless as Biden.

  42. CTCompromise says:

    Time Magazine Explained That They Picked Obama As “Person of the Year” Because…they really LIKE free stuff !

  43. Writer says:

    They held an election among their own employees, and it was unanimous. Scurrilous lies to the contrary, there was no public threat of Layoffs for the dissenters.

  44. Manolo says:

    Time Magazine explained that they picked Obama as “Person of the Year” because…it was either that or go with Chupacabra.

  45. Manolo says:

    Time Magazine explained that they picked Obama as “Person of the Year” because…the editorial board was actually making a coy statement of its own impotence rather than the president’s competence.

  46. Manolo says:

    Time Magazine explained that they picked Obama as “Person of the Year” because…Richard Stengel cut its production budget, so they had to use the proofs from last year.

  47. Manolo says:

    Time Magazine explained that they picked Obama as “Person of the Year” because…Hugo Chavez didn’t die in time.

  48. Writer says:

    Because Beelzebub was unavailable.

  49. Writer says:

    After voting, it was discovered that every dissenter was not a Citizen under their rules.

  50. Manolo says:

    Time Magazine explained that they picked Obama as “Person of the Year” because…they couldn’t get North Korea’s King Tongmyong to sit still on his unicorn.

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