Straight Line of the Day: To Get People to Show Up for Obama’s Inauguration, the White House Is Offering…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

63 Comments

  1. … Communism

    … Free cell phones

    … to disarm all attendees

    … Special inaugural t-shirts that say “my country went over the fiscal cliff and all I got was this stupid President

    0

    0
  2. . . . free bongs
    . . . free firearms to anybody who can prove that he isn’t a legal resident of the United States
    . . . a free dinner with Michelle (all the tofu and cauliflower you can eat!)

    0

    0
  3. . . . five hundred free minutes fot their Obamaphones, and the promise that they will be “re-educated” last.

    0

    0
  4. …three free throws at the Nancy Pelosi dunk tank. (shhhh… don’t tell anyone she’ll melt after the first direct hit.)

    …to let people kick Mooch in the nuts.

    0

    0
  5. …1/32 ethnicity of your choice.

    …two pardons for the price of one.

    …try one more time to get blood out your turnip before calling it quits.

    0

    0
  6. –a briefcase full of taxpayer money

    –dog food (no, I mean DOG food)

    –an Bill Ayers-autographed copy of Dreams from My Father

    –lap dance from Chris Matthews

    0

    0
  7. Rodney, flat Michelle, along with flat Fatima and flat Islamic Rage Boy is available at The People’s Cube. And, yes, if there’s anything that’ll put you off your feed and fix the obesity “epidemic” in America, it would be flat Michelle standing in your kitchen.
    If you are in a particularly masochistic mind frame, you can always look up some of B.C.’s photoshops of sHrillary and/or Helen Thomas over at the Rott or Son of Soylent Green. Guaranteed to cause projectile vomiting and loss of appetite… along with a national shortage of Brain Bleach.

    0

    0
  8. …to let all attendees punch either Joe Biden, or Michelle…depending on how brave they are feeling

    0

    0
  9. To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…Peace, love, change, “the age of Aquarius”, and anything/everything on everyone’s wish list…Just as they did to get him elected in the first place.

    0

    0
  10. To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…free samples of “Medical Marijuana” in Washington on January 21st.

    0

    0
  11. To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…to allow “Occupy Inauguration” participants free tent space on the White House lawn.

    0

    0
  12. To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…free babysitting. (It’s not like Biden would be doing anything else, anyway.)

    0

    0
  13. To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…a private viewing of Sandra Fluke’s lady parts.

    0

    0
  14. To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…Republicans a fiscal cliff deal if they stop calling it a national day of mourning.

    0

    0
  15. To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…to double the welfare benefits of everyone who attends.

    0

    0
  16. To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…to hold mass gay weddings for his followers.

    0

    0
  17. To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…to actually fulfill a campaign promise.

    0

    0
  18. To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…to complement their free Obamaphones with free Obama 70 Inch Plasma TVs.

    0

    0
  19. To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…to divulge the sex of DHS Secretary Janet Napolitano.

    0

    0
  20. To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…free rides on Air Force One.

    0

    0
  21. To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…the Baby Boomers who voted for him absolution of their white guilt.

    0

    0
  22. To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…to help O.J. Simpson find the real killer.

    0

    0
  23. To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…to host it at Russell Simmon’s house because 99 percenters like him need all the help they can get.

    0

    0
  24. To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…raise taxes on white people only.

    0

    0
  25. To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering… free chicken and waffles. That’s right. I said it: CHICKEN and MUTHAF’IN WAFFLES!

    0

    0
  26. To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…to eliminate the national debt by outlawing the U.S. National Debt Clock.

    0

    0
  27. To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…the women who voted for him free rides on Richard Trumka’s mustache.

    0

    0
  28. To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…to combine it with a gun show.

    0

    0
  29. To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…assurances that the president will not ask the Supreme Court to overturn his Thanksgiving pardon of BO.

    0

    0
  30. To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…to make Jay Carney and Robert Gibbs do a song and dance routine to the tune of “Pick A Bail of Cotton” before the swearing-in ceremony.

    0

    0
  31. To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…to stop campaigning for another four-year term.

    0

    0
  32. To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…to not blame the failed economy on the guy who served the four years previously.

    0

    0
  33. To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…front row seats for the union members who slew Michelle’s arch enemy: the Hostess Twinkie.

    0

    0
  34. To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering to make Michelle stop using forced child labor from D.C. public schools to tend the White House garden.

    0

    0
  35. To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering to jump start the economy by doing what he does best: golfing.

    0

    0
  36. To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering a train on Sandra Fluke, but first you have to satisfy Moochelle.
    Or was that an exemption from the above? I’ll have to check on that one again.

    0

    0
  37. …new fender skirts and bloodflaps so none of your fellow Americans gets on you when the bus goes by.

    …to stand on his head so he can look down his nose at the people in the cheap seats.

    …to smack John Roberts up side the head and say that’s what we call a penalty if he botches the swearing in.

    0

    0
  38. To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…front row seats to Prince William and Kate.

    0

    0
  39. Pingback: IMAO » Blog Archive » You’ve Been Judged!

Comments are closed.