Straight Line of the Day: To Get People to Show Up for Obama’s Inauguration, the White House Is Offering…

Posted on December 28, 2012 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…

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63 Responses to “Straight Line of the Day: To Get People to Show Up for Obama’s Inauguration, the White House Is Offering…”

  1. Genghis Khen says:

    Obamacare waivers

  2. Mongo says:

    Some Redistribution vouchers.

  3. Jared Garrett says:

    apologies for everything from slavery to your neighbor’s halitosis.

  4. blarg says:

    … Communism

    … Free cell phones

    … to disarm all attendees

    … Special inaugural t-shirts that say “my country went over the fiscal cliff and all I got was this stupid President

  5. g says:

    … free chevy volts

  6. Iowa Jim says:

    . . . free bongs
    . . . free firearms to anybody who can prove that he isn’t a legal resident of the United States
    . . . a free dinner with Michelle (all the tofu and cauliflower you can eat!)

  7. Writer says:

    . . . five hundred free minutes fot their Obamaphones, and the promise that they will be “re-educated” last.

  8. Genghis Khen says:

    …three free throws at the Nancy Pelosi dunk tank. (shhhh… don’t tell anyone she’ll melt after the first direct hit.)

    …to let people kick Mooch in the nuts.

  9. lilo says:

    Unconditional amnesty and pardons for anything and everything. (Palefaces need not apply.)

  10. Dohtimes says:

    …1/32 ethnicity of your choice.

    …two pardons for the price of one.

    …try one more time to get blood out your turnip before calling it quits.

  11. Dohtimes says:

    ewwww that took so long o think up it was a rehash of lilo’s.

  12. Dohtimes says:

    …tax write off for the cost of your boyfriends ball gown.

  13. Mxymaster says:

    –a briefcase full of taxpayer money

    –dog food (no, I mean DOG food)

    –an Bill Ayers-autographed copy of Dreams from My Father

    –lap dance from Chris Matthews

  14. spacemonkey says:

    …to kill you last!

  15. rodney dill says:

    - GM Volt Obamacars
    – raffle ticket to a well used golf cart.
    – Candy Crowley

  16. rodney dill says:

    A new Currier and Ives Mayan Calendar with dates for the next 5000 years.

  17. rodney dill says:

    - Michelle Obama’s weight loss program (A refrigerator magnet picture of Michelle)

  18. rodney dill says:

    …their very own racist playing cards.

  19. rodney dill says:

    …His newest book, “Fix the Blame, not the Mistake.”

  20. rodney dill says:

    …a promise to deliver 47% of everything the 99% ever wanted 1% of the time.

  21. Ironic Stompin' says:

    a Chicago ballot to vote for Obama during his 2016 re-election campaign.

  22. Jimmy says:

    …free choom!

    (Includes bong with small donation to pay off campaign debts.)

  23. TheHat says:

    …to tie a pork chop to Obama.

  24. DamnCat says:

    …to make you this week’s Secretary of State nominee.

  25. DamnCat says:

    …a dose of Rohypnol so you won’t have to remember it the next morning.

  26. Ogrrre says:

    Rodney, flat Michelle, along with flat Fatima and flat Islamic Rage Boy is available at The People’s Cube. And, yes, if there’s anything that’ll put you off your feed and fix the obesity “epidemic” in America, it would be flat Michelle standing in your kitchen.
    If you are in a particularly masochistic mind frame, you can always look up some of B.C.’s photoshops of sHrillary and/or Helen Thomas over at the Rott or Son of Soylent Green. Guaranteed to cause projectile vomiting and loss of appetite… along with a national shortage of Brain Bleach.

  27. a guy named Rob says:

    …to let all attendees punch either Joe Biden, or Michelle…depending on how brave they are feeling

  28. a guy named Rob says:

    free lessons on how to bow to other countries rulers, and a “I’m with Stupid” bumper sticker

  29. a guy named Rob says:

    …Bacon. Because people will show up to anything for free bacon

  30. sir colgrevance says:

    …to continue guiding the nation wisely despite an obstructionist, dead-ender opposition!

  31. CTCompromise says:

    To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…Peace, love, change, “the age of Aquarius”, and anything/everything on everyone’s wish list…Just as they did to get him elected in the first place.

  32. CTCompromise says:

    To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…free samples of “Medical Marijuana” in Washington on January 21st.

  33. CTCompromise says:

    To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…to allow “Occupy Inauguration” participants free tent space on the White House lawn.

  34. CTCompromise says:

    To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…free babysitting. (It’s not like Biden would be doing anything else, anyway.)

  35. Bob in Feenicks says:

    …automatic union membership. Your dues will be deducted from your welfare checks.

  36. Manolo says:

    To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…a private viewing of Sandra Fluke’s lady parts.

  37. Manolo says:

    To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…Republicans a fiscal cliff deal if they stop calling it a national day of mourning.

  38. Manolo says:

    To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…to double the welfare benefits of everyone who attends.

  39. Manolo says:

    To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…to hold mass gay weddings for his followers.

  40. Manolo says:

    To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…to actually fulfill a campaign promise.

  41. Manolo says:

    To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…to complement their free Obamaphones with free Obama 70 Inch Plasma TVs.

  42. Manolo says:

    To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…to divulge the sex of DHS Secretary Janet Napolitano.

  43. Manolo says:

    To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…free rides on Air Force One.

  44. Manolo says:

    To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…the Baby Boomers who voted for him absolution of their white guilt.

  45. Manolo says:

    To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…to help O.J. Simpson find the real killer.

  46. Manolo says:

    To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…to host it at Russell Simmon’s house because 99 percenters like him need all the help they can get.

  47. Manolo says:

    To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…raise taxes on white people only.

  48. Manolo says:

    To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering… free chicken and waffles. That’s right. I said it: CHICKEN and MUTHAF’IN WAFFLES!

  49. Manolo says:

    To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…to eliminate the national debt by outlawing the U.S. National Debt Clock.

  50. Manolo says:

    To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…the women who voted for him free rides on Richard Trumka’s mustache.

  51. Manolo says:

    To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…to combine it with a gun show.

  52. Manolo says:

    To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…assurances that the president will not ask the Supreme Court to overturn his Thanksgiving pardon of BO.

  53. Manolo says:

    To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…to make Jay Carney and Robert Gibbs do a song and dance routine to the tune of “Pick A Bail of Cotton” before the swearing-in ceremony.

  54. Manolo says:

    To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…to stop campaigning for another four-year term.

  55. Manolo says:

    To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…to not blame the failed economy on the guy who served the four years previously.

  56. Manolo says:

    To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…front row seats for the union members who slew Michelle’s arch enemy: the Hostess Twinkie.

  57. Manolo says:

    To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering free bottles of Cristal.

  58. Manolo says:

    To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering to make Michelle stop using forced child labor from D.C. public schools to tend the White House garden.

  59. Manolo says:

    To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering to jump start the economy by doing what he does best: golfing.

  60. Writer says:

    To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering a train on Sandra Fluke, but first you have to satisfy Moochelle.
    Or was that an exemption from the above? I’ll have to check on that one again.

  61. Dohtimes says:

    …new fender skirts and bloodflaps so none of your fellow Americans gets on you when the bus goes by.

    …to stand on his head so he can look down his nose at the people in the cheap seats.

    …to smack John Roberts up side the head and say that’s what we call a penalty if he botches the swearing in.

  62. CTCompromise says:

    To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…front row seats to Prince William and Kate.

  63. IMAO » Blog Archive » You’ve Been Judged! links:

    […] of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…” and “Upon returning to work this week after her illness, Hillary […]

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