Straight Line of the Day: To Solve the City’s Financial Problems, Detroit…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
To solve the city’s financial problems, Detroit…
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December 7th, 2012 at 12:03 pm
…sent the bill to Obama.
Oh wait, this supposed to be a prediction or a joke?
December 7th, 2012 at 12:06 pm
…Elected Obama. (Better luck next time)
December 7th, 2012 at 12:07 pm
Released the Kraken.
December 7th, 2012 at 12:08 pm
To solve the city’s financial problems, Detroit…city officials are gonna smoke some meth and play Call of Duty 3. What? You got a better idea?
December 7th, 2012 at 12:08 pm
…had it’s mayor sue www-dot-bing-dot-com.
December 7th, 2012 at 12:09 pm
Made Kwame pay back all the money he stole.
December 7th, 2012 at 12:11 pm
… is going to burn the city to the ground for the insurance money.
December 7th, 2012 at 12:13 pm
…Declared the entire city an Indian casino.
December 7th, 2012 at 12:14 pm
… Should sell commemorative hopium hookas with the Obama logo on them.
December 7th, 2012 at 12:14 pm
…is moving back in with its parents.
December 7th, 2012 at 12:15 pm
…annexed itself to Canada.
December 7th, 2012 at 12:15 pm
…is suing KISS for copyright infringement.
December 7th, 2012 at 12:16 pm
…became the new Gitmo.
December 7th, 2012 at 12:25 pm
…became a big chop shop. officially, that is.
December 7th, 2012 at 12:27 pm
…asked Mr. Potter for a break. And when that fell through, Detroit wandered the streets until it came to a bridge. It climbed the railing and prepared to jump. “Wait!” shouted a stranger. Detroit hesitated. The man rushed over and pushed Detroit over the edge into the watery oblivion below. “You’ve had that coming for far too long,” said the stranger.
December 7th, 2012 at 12:28 pm
…Changed its name to Washington D.C. and the money came flowing in.
December 7th, 2012 at 12:32 pm
….Changed its nickname from Motown to Need Mo’town
December 7th, 2012 at 12:33 pm
…helped out 100 Nigerian Princes.
December 7th, 2012 at 12:34 pm
Charged a surtax on all jokes made about its financial situation.
December 7th, 2012 at 12:41 pm
…refused to go bankrupt, as they thought it was ‘Ban Corrupt,’ and they knew they couldn’t do that.
December 7th, 2012 at 12:51 pm
…is betting its entire annual budget on the Lions winning the Super Bowl.
December 7th, 2012 at 1:09 pm
…labeled financial problems as the newest form of racism.
December 7th, 2012 at 1:16 pm
…they’re hanging all their politicians.
December 7th, 2012 at 1:28 pm
… borrowed money from that guy down the street for lotto tickets.
… kept doing the same thing expecting different results.
… prayed for rain
December 7th, 2012 at 1:29 pm
Created the “Union of All Detroit”; and as Detroit is 311 years old it immediately retired at 311% of its peak wages.
December 7th, 2012 at 1:33 pm
… bring government spending in line with projected incomes, change legislation to create a more business-friendly environment, tie salaries (and benefits) of government employees to actual budget numbers to avoid deficits.
December 7th, 2012 at 2:18 pm
… aired Public Service Announcements that reminded the citizenry that it hasn’t been all that long since they were all cannibals.
December 7th, 2012 at 2:39 pm
… should declare itself a third world country that wants to build solar panels.
December 7th, 2012 at 2:47 pm
…declared its independence, became a Third World Country and began collecting trillion dollar bailouts, handouts and developement funds from the World Bank and the USA.
December 7th, 2012 at 2:50 pm
…cancelled Welfare payments and created a lottery with Bus tickets for all citizens. Then they had the city declared an EPA disaster area.
December 7th, 2012 at 2:53 pm
. . . will be auctioning off the rights to all those Motown recordings from the 1960s.
December 7th, 2012 at 3:10 pm
… turned it over to OCP, who will immediately begin construction of Delta City.
December 7th, 2012 at 3:11 pm
Annex it to Windsor Ontario in exchange for all their bacon.
December 7th, 2012 at 3:44 pm
…should be moved to the moon and nuked.
December 7th, 2012 at 4:08 pm
To solve the city’s financial problems, Detroit…Ha! Just Kidding!
…Bought a fleet of chevy volt’s to stimulate the low cost, green driveby movement.
…Crashed on their friend Toledo’s couch and claimed never to have heard of Detroit
…Tried to institute a barter system. It was quickly discovered that because of the unions there were no trade goods left and because of public education there were no marketable skills.
…Inspired by some savy Iphone owners, Paid the whole debt off with food stamps.
December 7th, 2012 at 4:54 pm
…will declare itself as the moon, so Newt Gingrich will attempt to establish a colony. (…you will never find a more wretch hive of scum and villainy)
December 7th, 2012 at 5:19 pm
…raised the income tax to 4,000,000,000,000%.
…put on a blond wig and a mini skirt and waited for Charlie Sheen to cruise by.
…claimed to be 1/32 Jeep Cherokee.
…rezoned Michael Moore as a fat farm and sold fat.
December 7th, 2012 at 6:57 pm
To solve the city’s financial problems, Detroit… told one person to get a job, you have to start somewhere.
December 7th, 2012 at 9:05 pm
To Solve the City’s Financial Problems, Detroit… agreed to be in the robocop program. Oddly enough, that took care of the vast majority of crime there, and made for a really cool documentary film. Who knew?
Oh, wait, you’re talking about reality? Crap, never mind. That place is hosed.
December 7th, 2012 at 10:56 pm
FIRE!!! FIRE!!! FIRE!!!!
December 8th, 2012 at 1:50 am
To Solve the City’s Financial Problems, Detroit…decided that they would invest in a time machine requiring a $1 trillion dollar tax increase.
December 8th, 2012 at 7:09 am
ordered a spindizzy.
see james blish (cities in flight series)
December 8th, 2012 at 1:33 pm
…raised the arson license fee to match the heating subsidy of a can of gas and a Bic lighter costs.
…started jailing the convicted felon teachers with the incarcerated until the age of eighteen thugs which leaves only one one room schoolhouse and 7,000 janitors to pay for.
…hire Sheryl Crow to dispense city restroom toilet paper.
December 8th, 2012 at 3:21 pm
…started printing money, aimed at devaluing the “Detroit Dollar”, as it were, so that inflation would make the debt less onerous. Then they used the newly minted money to purchase up Detroit muni bonds, and PRESTO! Like magic, all problems solved……..except for that little crime thing…..
December 8th, 2012 at 5:16 pm
To solve the city’s financial problems, Detroit…is going to raise the taxes on all their millionaires. (According to Obama’s plan that’s all any financial problem needs thrown at it.)
December 8th, 2012 at 5:17 pm
To solve the city’s financial problems, Detroit…is going to rename itself Beverly Hills to fool tourists.
December 8th, 2012 at 5:18 pm
To solve the city’s financial problems, Detroit…is going on welfare en masse.
December 8th, 2012 at 5:20 pm
To solve the city’s financial problems, Detroit…needs to just bring in bulldozers…and start over.
December 8th, 2012 at 5:24 pm
To solve the city’s financial problems, Detroit…invests the pension fund in Powerball tickets.
December 8th, 2012 at 5:33 pm
To solve the city’s financial problems, Detroit…had to borrow money from the union bosses, compounded daily.
December 8th, 2012 at 5:34 pm
To solve the city’s financial problems, Detroit…”called in some favors” from Chicago.
December 9th, 2012 at 1:00 am
…should be nuked from orbit. It’s the only way we’ll know for sure…
December 10th, 2012 at 7:48 am
….will blame
BushCanada.December 10th, 2012 at 6:08 pm
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