Straight Line of the Day: To Solve the City’s Financial Problems, Detroit…

Posted on December 7, 2012 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

To solve the city’s financial problems, Detroit…

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54 Responses to “Straight Line of the Day: To Solve the City’s Financial Problems, Detroit…”

  1. Jay says:

    …sent the bill to Obama.

    Oh wait, this supposed to be a prediction or a joke?

  2. rodney dill says:

    …Elected Obama. (Better luck next time)

  3. rodney dill says:

    Released the Kraken.

  4. JGPetruna says:

    To solve the city’s financial problems, Detroit…city officials are gonna smoke some meth and play Call of Duty 3. What? You got a better idea?

  5. rodney dill says:

    …had it’s mayor sue www-dot-bing-dot-com.

  6. rodney dill says:

    Made Kwame pay back all the money he stole.

  7. g says:

    … is going to burn the city to the ground for the insurance money.

  8. rodney dill says:

    …Declared the entire city an Indian casino.

  9. Silverfiddle says:

    … Should sell commemorative hopium hookas with the Obama logo on them.

  10. apostic says:

    …is moving back in with its parents.

  11. rodney dill says:

    …annexed itself to Canada.

  12. apostic says:

    …is suing KISS for copyright infringement.

  13. rodney dill says:

    …became the new Gitmo.

  14. jw says:

    …became a big chop shop. officially, that is.

  15. apostic says:

    …asked Mr. Potter for a break. And when that fell through, Detroit wandered the streets until it came to a bridge. It climbed the railing and prepared to jump. “Wait!” shouted a stranger. Detroit hesitated. The man rushed over and pushed Detroit over the edge into the watery oblivion below. “You’ve had that coming for far too long,” said the stranger.

  16. rodney dill says:

    …Changed its name to Washington D.C. and the money came flowing in.

  17. rodney dill says:

    ….Changed its nickname from Motown to Need Mo’town

  18. Genghis Khen says:

    …helped out 100 Nigerian Princes.

  19. rodney dill says:

    Charged a surtax on all jokes made about its financial situation.

  20. rodney dill says:

    …refused to go bankrupt, as they thought it was ‘Ban Corrupt,’ and they knew they couldn’t do that.

  21. DamnCat says:

    …is betting its entire annual budget on the Lions winning the Super Bowl.

  22. rodney dill says:

    …labeled financial problems as the newest form of racism.

  23. Jimmy says:

    …they’re hanging all their politicians.

  24. plentyobailouts says:

    … borrowed money from that guy down the street for lotto tickets.

    … kept doing the same thing expecting different results.

    … prayed for rain

  25. tomg51 says:

    Created the “Union of All Detroit”; and as Detroit is 311 years old it immediately retired at 311% of its peak wages.

  26. Mrs. C says:

    … bring government spending in line with projected incomes, change legislation to create a more business-friendly environment, tie salaries (and benefits) of government employees to actual budget numbers to avoid deficits.

  27. Guglielmo Boogliodemus says:

    … aired Public Service Announcements that reminded the citizenry that it hasn’t been all that long since they were all cannibals.

  28. Dave says:

    … should declare itself a third world country that wants to build solar panels.

  29. Writer says:

    …declared its independence, became a Third World Country and began collecting trillion dollar bailouts, handouts and developement funds from the World Bank and the USA.

  30. Writer says:

    …cancelled Welfare payments and created a lottery with Bus tickets for all citizens. Then they had the city declared an EPA disaster area.

  31. Iowa Jim says:

    . . . will be auctioning off the rights to all those Motown recordings from the 1960s.

  32. AT says:

    … turned it over to OCP, who will immediately begin construction of Delta City.

  33. James says:

    Annex it to Windsor Ontario in exchange for all their bacon.

  34. kerrcarto says:

    …should be moved to the moon and nuked.

  35. Hwy93 says:

    To solve the city’s financial problems, Detroit…Ha! Just Kidding!
    …Bought a fleet of chevy volt’s to stimulate the low cost, green driveby movement.
    …Crashed on their friend Toledo’s couch and claimed never to have heard of Detroit
    …Tried to institute a barter system. It was quickly discovered that because of the unions there were no trade goods left and because of public education there were no marketable skills.
    …Inspired by some savy Iphone owners, Paid the whole debt off with food stamps.

  36. rodney dill says:

    …will declare itself as the moon, so Newt Gingrich will attempt to establish a colony. (…you will never find a more wretch hive of scum and villainy)

  37. Dohtimes says:

    …raised the income tax to 4,000,000,000,000%.

    …put on a blond wig and a mini skirt and waited for Charlie Sheen to cruise by.

    …claimed to be 1/32 Jeep Cherokee.

    …rezoned Michael Moore as a fat farm and sold fat.

  38. NoMoBama says:

    To solve the city’s financial problems, Detroit… told one person to get a job, you have to start somewhere.

  39. Bad Science says:

    To Solve the City’s Financial Problems, Detroit… agreed to be in the robocop program. Oddly enough, that took care of the vast majority of crime there, and made for a really cool documentary film. Who knew?
    Oh, wait, you’re talking about reality? Crap, never mind. That place is hosed.

  40. 1Richard says:

    FIRE!!! FIRE!!! FIRE!!!!

  41. currently says:

    To Solve the City’s Financial Problems, Detroit…decided that they would invest in a time machine requiring a $1 trillion dollar tax increase.

  42. tanstaafl says:

    ordered a spindizzy.

    see james blish (cities in flight series)

  43. Dohtimes says:

    …raised the arson license fee to match the heating subsidy of a can of gas and a Bic lighter costs.

    …started jailing the convicted felon teachers with the incarcerated until the age of eighteen thugs which leaves only one one room schoolhouse and 7,000 janitors to pay for.

    …hire Sheryl Crow to dispense city restroom toilet paper.

  44. E Pluribus Unum says:

    …started printing money, aimed at devaluing the “Detroit Dollar”, as it were, so that inflation would make the debt less onerous. Then they used the newly minted money to purchase up Detroit muni bonds, and PRESTO! Like magic, all problems solved……..except for that little crime thing…..

  45. CTCompromise says:

    To solve the city’s financial problems, Detroit…is going to raise the taxes on all their millionaires. (According to Obama’s plan that’s all any financial problem needs thrown at it.)

  46. CTCompromise says:

    To solve the city’s financial problems, Detroit…is going to rename itself Beverly Hills to fool tourists.

  47. CTCompromise says:

    To solve the city’s financial problems, Detroit…is going on welfare en masse.

  48. CTCompromise says:

    To solve the city’s financial problems, Detroit…needs to just bring in bulldozers…and start over.

  49. CTCompromise says:

    To solve the city’s financial problems, Detroit…invests the pension fund in Powerball tickets.

  50. CTCompromise says:

    To solve the city’s financial problems, Detroit…had to borrow money from the union bosses, compounded daily.

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