Comments on: Straight Line of the Day: To Solve the City’s Financial Problems, Detroit…

By: IMAO » Blog Archive » You’ve Been Judged!

IMAO » Blog Archive » You’ve Been Judged! — Mon, 10 Dec 2012 23:08:37 +0000

[...] Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “To solve the city’s financial problems, Detroit…” [...]

By: rodney dill

rodney dill — Mon, 10 Dec 2012 12:48:26 +0000

….will blame ~~Bush~~Canada.

By: Carla ONeill

Carla ONeill — Sun, 09 Dec 2012 06:00:06 +0000

…should be nuked from orbit. It’s the only way we’ll know for sure…

By: CTCompromise

CTCompromise — Sat, 08 Dec 2012 22:34:50 +0000

To solve the city’s financial problems, Detroit…”called in some favors” from Chicago.

By: CTCompromise

CTCompromise — Sat, 08 Dec 2012 22:33:28 +0000

To solve the city’s financial problems, Detroit…had to borrow money from the union bosses, compounded daily.

By: CTCompromise

CTCompromise — Sat, 08 Dec 2012 22:24:42 +0000

To solve the city’s financial problems, Detroit…invests the pension fund in Powerball tickets.

By: CTCompromise

CTCompromise — Sat, 08 Dec 2012 22:20:43 +0000

To solve the city’s financial problems, Detroit…needs to just bring in bulldozers…and start over.

By: CTCompromise

CTCompromise — Sat, 08 Dec 2012 22:18:20 +0000

To solve the city’s financial problems, Detroit…is going on welfare en masse.

By: CTCompromise

CTCompromise — Sat, 08 Dec 2012 22:17:38 +0000

To solve the city’s financial problems, Detroit…is going to rename itself Beverly Hills to fool tourists.

By: CTCompromise

CTCompromise — Sat, 08 Dec 2012 22:16:32 +0000

To solve the city’s financial problems, Detroit…is going to raise the taxes on all their millionaires. (According to Obama’s plan that’s all any financial problem needs thrown at it.)

By: E Pluribus Unum

E Pluribus Unum — Sat, 08 Dec 2012 20:21:30 +0000

…started printing money, aimed at devaluing the “Detroit Dollar”, as it were, so that inflation would make the debt less onerous. Then they used the newly minted money to purchase up Detroit muni bonds, and PRESTO! Like magic, all problems solved……..except for that little crime thing…..

By: Dohtimes

Dohtimes — Sat, 08 Dec 2012 18:33:28 +0000

…raised the arson license fee to match the heating subsidy of a can of gas and a Bic lighter costs.

…started jailing the convicted felon teachers with the incarcerated until the age of eighteen thugs which leaves only one one room schoolhouse and 7,000 janitors to pay for.

…hire Sheryl Crow to dispense city restroom toilet paper.

By: tanstaafl

tanstaafl — Sat, 08 Dec 2012 12:09:30 +0000

ordered a spindizzy.

see james blish (cities in flight series)

By: currently

currently — Sat, 08 Dec 2012 06:50:46 +0000

To Solve the City’s Financial Problems, Detroit…decided that they would invest in a time machine requiring a $1 trillion dollar tax increase.

By: 1Richard

1Richard — Sat, 08 Dec 2012 03:56:37 +0000

FIRE!!! FIRE!!! FIRE!!!!

By: Bad Science

Bad Science — Sat, 08 Dec 2012 02:05:49 +0000

To Solve the City’s Financial Problems, Detroit… agreed to be in the robocop program. Oddly enough, that took care of the vast majority of crime there, and made for a really cool documentary film. Who knew?
Oh, wait, you’re talking about reality? Crap, never mind. That place is hosed.

By: NoMoBama

NoMoBama — Fri, 07 Dec 2012 23:57:05 +0000

To solve the city’s financial problems, Detroit… told one person to get a job, you have to start somewhere.

By: Dohtimes

Dohtimes — Fri, 07 Dec 2012 22:19:01 +0000

…raised the income tax to 4,000,000,000,000%.

…put on a blond wig and a mini skirt and waited for Charlie Sheen to cruise by.

…claimed to be 1/32 Jeep Cherokee.

…rezoned Michael Moore as a fat farm and sold fat.

By: rodney dill

rodney dill — Fri, 07 Dec 2012 21:54:02 +0000

…will declare itself as the moon, so Newt Gingrich will attempt to establish a colony. (…you will never find a more wretch hive of scum and villainy)

By: Hwy93

Hwy93 — Fri, 07 Dec 2012 21:08:06 +0000

To solve the city’s financial problems, Detroit…Ha! Just Kidding!
…Bought a fleet of chevy volt’s to stimulate the low cost, green driveby movement.
…Crashed on their friend Toledo’s couch and claimed never to have heard of Detroit
…Tried to institute a barter system. It was quickly discovered that because of the unions there were no trade goods left and because of public education there were no marketable skills.
…Inspired by some savy Iphone owners, Paid the whole debt off with food stamps.

By: kerrcarto

kerrcarto — Fri, 07 Dec 2012 20:44:45 +0000

…should be moved to the moon and nuked.

By: James

James — Fri, 07 Dec 2012 20:11:51 +0000

Annex it to Windsor Ontario in exchange for all their bacon.

By: AT

AT — Fri, 07 Dec 2012 20:10:23 +0000

… turned it over to OCP, who will immediately begin construction of Delta City.

By: Iowa Jim

Iowa Jim — Fri, 07 Dec 2012 19:53:46 +0000

. . . will be auctioning off the rights to all those Motown recordings from the 1960s.

By: Writer

Writer — Fri, 07 Dec 2012 19:50:03 +0000

…cancelled Welfare payments and created a lottery with Bus tickets for all citizens. Then they had the city declared an EPA disaster area.