The Human Hand Evolved in Response to Hippies’ Faces

According to Science!, the human hand evolved specifically so we can punch each other. A gorilla can’t make a fist good for punching. I mean, a gorilla could grab a hippie and repeatedly slam him into the ground (which would be awesome), but he can’t punch the hippie in his stupid face. So the main thing that separates man from lower animals is the ability to punch hippies.

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9 Comments

  1. This means that…in order for mankind to evolve even more, we need to spend MORE time punching hippies. Hippies, not being willing, or able, to punch back, will DE-volve into useless little amoebas.

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  2. I always thought the human hand evolved to be able to open cans of tuna. But if tuna opening is just an addtional benefit derived from hippie punching then I’m good with that.

    Well played, Mr. Darwin! Well played indeed!

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  3. Ha!~ I’m an old hippie and I would have no problem kicking Frank J. Fleming ass in the ring. How about it Frankie?
    Really we could raise some money for the winners choice of charities. And punking you, Frank J. Fleming would be a contribution to the betterment of the spices.
    All in fun Frank. Put on the gloves, step in the ring with a “Hippie”. You have my contact information.
    Peace, Love and Ready!

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  4. Quoth Yon Genius, Joeeddy: punking you, Frank J. Fleming would be a contribution to the betterment of the spices

    Erm…Bubba, are you including sage, cardamon, ginger and nutmeg? Or is such an elevation limited to South American psycho-peppers?

    How, exactly, would such a display of macho violence (with you as the self-proclaimed victor) be connected to, or manifest, such improvements?

    Is the room to infer, by your masterful cyberboasting, that such single-combat would result in the death and enhumation of Frank?

    Oh, and finally, aren’t violent acts anathema to the common, bedraggled, bong-huffing Hippie?

    Just curious.

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