Awful First Draft Dialogue

Posted on January 7, 2013 1:00 pm

On Friday, there was a hashtag game on Twitter for #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue. I decided to participate, and now I will subject you to what I came up with:

“You can’t be told what the Matrix is; that’s the first rule of Matrix Club.”

“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. Blood and brains everywhere. I don’t like to talk about it.”

“That not a knife… No wait! It is a knife! Run!”

“Hold me, like you did by the lake on Naboo.”

“No. I am your father… or possibly Lando. Still waiting on the DNA test.”

“You can’t handle the truth so you’ll have to sign a waiver first as I don’t want to get sued!”

“Game over, man! Insert another coin to continue! I hope you recently saved!”

“Restart from last checkpoint, man!”

“So what do you need? Besides a miracle?”
“Gun control. Lots of common sense gun control.”

“Oh, the Statue of Liberty. I guess this is earth. I was wondering why everyone was speaking English.”


“The problems of three little people don’t amount to a hill of beans or a pile of pizzas or a stack of bagels… Sorry, I skipped lunch.”

“No, it wasn’t the airplanes that killed the beast. It was the Jews! Just read my newsletter.”

“My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Not cool, man.”

“Bond. James Bond. But everyone calls me ‘Fuzzy.'”

“I know what you’re thinking: Did I fire all 6 bullets or only 5? To tell you truth, I’m really drunk right now.”

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61 Responses to “Awful First Draft Dialogue”

  1. Zaklog the Great says:

    Die Hard “Now I have a gun free zone. Ho ho ho!”

  2. Zaklog the Great says:

    “I know what you’re thinking. Did he fire one bullet, two bullets, three bullets, four bullets, five bullets, or si-i-ix bullets? Hah hah hah hah!” *Thunder*

    Misplaced Characters

  3. Bunkerhillbilly says:

    “Call me Ishmael…call me Morty…call me Ivor The Engine Driver…I don’t care, just shut your gob and open the holes on the sides of yer head, cuz, boy, do I have a whale of a story to drop on ya!”-H. Melville, Moby Dick

    “The megabucks that groups of folks got, where capitalism makes the heavy-boss scene, hips itself as being a super-big buncha stuff that squares call commodities, daddy-o!”-K. Marx, Das Kapital, Allen Ginsburg, ed.

  4. Bunkerhillbilly says:

    “Excuse me, Miss Swift, if I might presume upon a moment of your time, and I assure you that I shall permit you to conclude your monologizing directly, however I would like to underscore the superlative and eternal nature of the oevre of Beyonce to her peers which are, on this auspicious evening, herein gathered to bestow honors, one upon the other!”-Kanye West, Spontaneous Oratory

  5. rodney dill says:

    @Formerhostage: #35
    I’ve always paraphrased that one as — Life is like a box of chocolates… some pieces taste like crap.

    The other one I saw somewhere went something like — People are like a box of chocolates… you never know what they’re like inside until someone sticks finger in their bottom.

  6. Doug says:

    Dirty Harry – with a high capacity Glock: “I know what you’re thinking, did I fire 17 rounds or only 16? ….. “

  7. CarolyntheMommy says:

    Yippie Kai Yay, German dudes!

  8. rodney dill says:

    “Head or purple nurple.” – Last Boy Scout

  9. HokieGomer says:

    “…I love the smell of talcum powder in the morning…” – Apocalypse Now

  10. hwuu says:

    One does not simply ride the subway into Mordor.

    No mister Bond I expect you to sizzle and smell like burning tires.

    Some Tasty Pig

  11. 4of7 says:

    #35 – Formerhostage,
    … the more bread you have, the less $h!t you have to eat.
    The day my brother told me that, I fell out of my chair laughing.
    Ah, memories! Bacon for you, Thanks. :)

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