Benevolent Dictator vs. Lazy Dictator

Posted on January 16, 2013 1:00 pm

They say the best form of government is the benevolent dictator. That’s where one guy who is perfect and kind and never makes mistakes has all the power. Of course, it’s unrealistic because any actual person with that much power would make many mistakes and harm many people — even if he tried his best to be fair and just.

I thought of a more realistic idea that might mean better government, though: the lazy dictator. That where you give one person all the power in the country, and then he just plays video games all day and doesn’t do anything with his power so we have to govern ourselves. Of course, the problem there is finding someone who, when having all that power, wouldn’t use it. Maybe someone like me who really likes video games. But not me because I just suggested myself and that’s a big red flag; you never want any dictator who wants the job. But now I just said I don’t want it, so…

Anyway, I still think benevolent dictator is the best idea, but ideally everyone gets to be the dictator of themselves. Because that’s who we can be most trusted to look out for the interests of.

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9 Responses to “Benevolent Dictator vs. Lazy Dictator”

  1. Jimmy says:

    This is entirely too serious.

  2. blarg says:

    I don’t know, Frank, it’s really easy to find a couple of minutes between playing golf and taking lavish vacations to really screw us.

    I think before taking office every elected President (heck, why not EVERY official) should have to take a test. One that asks some very basic questions about constitutional rights and powers. Any candidate who scores less than 100% fails and doesn’t get to take office.

  3. Apostic says:

    Of course, the problem there is finding someone who, when having all that power, wouldn’t use it.

    I think Clinton had a lock on this after he figured out socialized medicine wasn’t gonna happen on his watch.

  4. AT says:

    I honestly don’t know why we don’t elect a large, predatory cat to the office. You know, like a lion or a cheetah or something. It’d totally get voter support. I mean, who doesn’t like cats?

    And it would just laze about in the Oval Office all day and eat anyone that comes in.

    This would be perfect because, for anyone who wants anything from the federal government, we could just say, “Of course. Let me escort you to the President’s office.” And then we’d lock the door behind them and not open it until the screaming and begging for help stopped. Imagine how quickly we’d clean out the worst people in Congress! And those annoying special-interest lobbyists! The same goes for foreign diplomats (and foreign leaders!). Man, screw other countries. I’m sick of those assholes. How great would it be if like, President Mahmoud Pajamabottoms came to discuss American/Iranian relations and we just introduced him to the President who then ATE HIM ALIVE. Plus, you know, whenever we had something to say to another country, we could just put the President on the television who would simply ROAR very menacingly.

    And, of course, since it can’t speak English and lacks the opposable thumbs necessary to signs bills into law, the American people get left alone. Which is awesome.

    We could save a lot of money on transport, because there’d be no reason whatsoever for the President to leave the Oval Office. Similarly, it wouldn’t need expensive security details because, well… lion.

    Yea, there’s the whole Constitutional issue of it in Article 2. “No Person except a natural born Citizen…shall be eligible…” But, think of how it would appease PETA (and all the other “animals rights” nutballs) if we started recognizing man-eating lions as people. We could be all like, “Hey, he’s just like Aslan.”

    They’d probably fall for that, not realizing the Jesus parallels… Liberals are so stupid.

    All in all, it’d be pretty awesome because eventually people would wise up and realize that it’s a bad idea to go to the President for things. Because you get eaten. Then they’d start figuring stuff out on their own.

    Maybe a puma. A puma could work.

    Frank, you’ve officially got your competition for the primaries.

  5. Carpenter says:

    Dictator?
    yeah but he also fulfills the role of a Messiah. Barack the Beloved and Benevolent Messiah, the Marxist Messiah of the Liberals. They LUV the Black Jeezus!

    Ancient Shiite Muslim prophecies predict an Obama like leader in the west who would be a friend of Islam. Seriously! Obama fulfills Ancient Islamic Prophecy. And he is their friend to the tune of BILLIONS and BILLIONS and BILLIONS of our dollars.

    Many Christians (including myself) see ‘Thee Obama’ as a punishment on a sinful apostate nation that has abandoned GOD. He will destroy this evil land along with his evil followers.

    He is, basically, all things to all people, all at once. As far as I am concerned the USA deserves to be Obamatized for its Apostacy. To the Muslims Obama is a long prophesied friend of Moohamud. To the Jews Obama is a Devil and to the Liberals Obama is a GOD!

    He’s not just a Dictator! He is the Great Destroyer and the Messiah. He is a the Devil and a God all at once.

  6. Duke of Earl says:

    “Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron’s cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.”

    ― C.S. Lewis

  7. blarg says:

    on the plus side, Obama has effectively passed “fake” gun control just as Frank suggested.

    Amid a lot of noise and 23 executive orders he’s managed to enact a whole lot of nothing.

    In several cases he REMINDED certain people that it’s already legal for them to do certain things. He also made it even more illegal to lie on your background check application and asked that “crazy” be re-examined to try to catch more poeple during the background process.

    So….with great fanfare, threats, noise and media attention, Obama has effectively done essentially NOTHING. Good.

  8. tedwade73 says:

    This lazy dictator idea sounds somewhat like what I imagine the American colonies had in the British monarchs prior to George III . Maybe not lazy but having better stuff to do closer to home.

  9. Capitalist_B says:

    Frodo Baggins for supreme overlord!

    It couldn’t be me, that’s for sure. I’d do stuff. Lots of people wouldn’t like it. I’d be all like ‘tough!’ Then I’d go back to playing ‘Tropico’

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