Cats Are Remorseless Killing Machines

Cats are murder machines. They kill billions of small animals a year. Is this news to anyone? Ever really stare deeply into one of their sociopathic expressions? They obviously think about nothing but murder all their waking hours. If a dog ever kills anything, that’s horrifying, but for a cat, that’s just a cat being a cat. As I’ve said before, dogs were domesticated and cats were just made smaller. If you had a cat the size of a pit bull, you’d basically have a monster people would run screaming from.

The only thing keeping cats from killing you is that they’re too small to do it. But that’s doesn’t mean they don’t fantasize about it every day. Never turn your back on a cat.

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23 Comments

  1. @10 – You’re lucky. I’ve got 4 cats that occasionally get to go outside, and they’re hell on mice, moles, and baby birds. But the one time I had a chipmunk trapped in my office and I needed help removing the critter, I brought them in one at a time, and not a drop of blood-lust in the lot.

    Had to put on leather gloves (rabies protection, ya know) and extricate the bugger myself.

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  2. But according to the study, 84% of what they kill is vermin. And the birds I’ll never miss. If we can up that vermin-to-bycatch ratio, I say we breed some slightly bigger cats and set them loose on Congress.

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  3. This is why the proposal that New Zealanders voluntarily give up cat ownership, refraining from replacing their felines as they die, is not the sheer unadulterated moonbattery that it seems. The kiwi (NZ national bird and evolutionary oddity) nests on the ground, and cats are wiping them out.

    Unfortunately, another introduced species, the rat, is just as devastating to the kiwi population – and with no cats, there will just be a whole lot more rats. Kiwis be doomed.

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  4. There is a reason why Bast was a goddess in Egypt and protector of the home. Cats killing vermin, snakes, mice, bugs and other small critter, that is their job. That is how they protected the family and earned their saucer of milk. Mice and rats didn’t bring plague once they were in the belly of a cat. Nor did those vermin eat the grain you set aside for next spring, nor bite your kids.

    Those billions of vermin that get killed by cats, are billions more that we would be faced with ourselves. I am not saying we should trust cats, but they serve their function despite their attitude.

    It must be a group from Washington or Colorado

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  5. My #7 aside, our large furball only kills inside insects; he’s catch and release outside.
    He’s the only reason I’ve ever seen flying squirrel. I ran outside to see what he had, and he released it. The critter ran sideways across the brick wall of my house. Amazing little thing.

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  6. If you had a cat the size of a pit bull, you’d basically have a monster people would run screaming from.

    I think they call those theoretical beasts: bobcats, pumas, mountain lions, and jaguars.

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  7. To the cats defense…I admit publicly that I like to eat kiwis, too. Especially cut up in a nice fruit salad with watermelon, strawberries, blueberries, etc. Sometimes I just slice and eat them Sometimes I use them as garnish……Wait, you’re talking about a BIRD not the inexpensive little fruits which look like monkey’s balls? “Never mind…”

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