Frank J.’s New Year’s Resolutions
I like New Year’s resolution because I firmly believe in that I should become more awesome every year until the day I die (which I predict will be from me literally exploding with awesomeness). So here are my resolutions for this year:
* I will get more vengeance against my enemies.
* I will capture Bigfoot (even though I suspect him to just be a large, hairy Canadian).
* I will have more pens around the house so I don’t have to go looking for a working pen. I mean I know I don’t use pens much anymore since mainly I take notes on my iPad, but still, every once in a while it would be nice to be sure pens are nearby.
* I will take more enjoyment out of the simple things in life, like headbutting.
* I will take all the elements that make food taste better (cheese, gravy, bacon, ranch dressing, butter, being fried) and make one super food using them all.
* Less talking, more roundhouse kicking to the face.
Well, that seems like some good ones. What are some other resolutions that will help one become more awesome?
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(6 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
January 2nd, 2013 at 2:20 pm
*Try Hillary’s 12 Step Program: If I fall down 12 times on the way to the bathroom I will slow down on my drinking for the rest of the day.
January 2nd, 2013 at 2:22 pm
Other things to make sure there are lots of scattered throughout the house:
screwdrivers
scissors
flashlights
bacon
January 2nd, 2013 at 2:29 pm
Punch more hippies.
January 2nd, 2013 at 2:39 pm
All Canadians are a hybrid of Big Feet or “Samsquench” and French explorers.
January 2nd, 2013 at 2:47 pm
Give in to Buttercup on everything. But you probably already do that.
January 2nd, 2013 at 2:53 pm
Eat more tuna.
January 2nd, 2013 at 4:08 pm
and chocolate. And beer-don’t forget to add chocolate and beer to your awesome food invention.
January 2nd, 2013 at 6:16 pm
I am going to eat 2013 pieces of bacon.
http://i151.photobucket.com/albums/s150/ruffages/2013bacon.jpg
January 2nd, 2013 at 7:39 pm
I don’t think you’ll have much luck capturing Bigfoot. She’ll have her own Secret Service detail for another four years.
January 2nd, 2013 at 8:50 pm
I will be less awesome. Ha! Another resolution broken.
January 2nd, 2013 at 9:02 pm
“cheese, gravy, bacon, ranch dressing, butter, being fried”
And POTATOES!
Frank, don’t make me come over there and make you lick ‘em.
January 2nd, 2013 at 9:58 pm
Improve the economy.
Require those on Unemployment for longer than seventy-eight weeks to work thirty hours a week in a public sewer. I bet that would slow things down.
January 3rd, 2013 at 12:54 am
Spend less, give more, pray often.
January 3rd, 2013 at 11:31 am
Jimmy,
I was thinking of using potatoes (or potato skins) as the base of this food.