Frank J.’s New Year’s Resolutions

I like New Year’s resolution because I firmly believe in that I should become more awesome every year until the day I die (which I predict will be from me literally exploding with awesomeness). So here are my resolutions for this year:

* I will get more vengeance against my enemies.

* I will capture Bigfoot (even though I suspect him to just be a large, hairy Canadian).

* I will have more pens around the house so I don’t have to go looking for a working pen. I mean I know I don’t use pens much anymore since mainly I take notes on my iPad, but still, every once in a while it would be nice to be sure pens are nearby.

* I will take more enjoyment out of the simple things in life, like headbutting.

* I will take all the elements that make food taste better (cheese, gravy, bacon, ranch dressing, butter, being fried) and make one super food using them all.

* Less talking, more roundhouse kicking to the face.

Well, that seems like some good ones. What are some other resolutions that will help one become more awesome?

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14 Comments

  1. *Try Hillary’s 12 Step Program: If I fall down 12 times on the way to the bathroom I will slow down on my drinking for the rest of the day.

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  2. Other things to make sure there are lots of scattered throughout the house:

    screwdrivers
    scissors
    flashlights
    bacon

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  3. I don’t think you’ll have much luck capturing Bigfoot. She’ll have her own Secret Service detail for another four years.

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  4. “cheese, gravy, bacon, ranch dressing, butter, being fried”

    And POTATOES!

    Frank, don’t make me come over there and make you lick ’em.

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  5. Improve the economy.
    Require those on Unemployment for longer than seventy-eight weeks to work thirty hours a week in a public sewer. I bet that would slow things down.

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