So we’re going do amnesty again or something because that worked out so great in the 80s. Of course, to the Democrats, this isn’t really an issue of the law or our sovereignty because all they’re thinking is, “Hey! We can get more votes!” I mean, those guys if they could would make the presidential election an internet poll that anyone in the world could participate in because they know who that would favor.
There’s a lot that annoys me on this issue. One is the supreme dishonesty of the pro-illegal immigrant side — always trying to conflate illegal immigration with the legal kind and never really saying what they’re end goals are (open boarders? a broken system we just ignore?). The other is how the people who came here illegally aren’t all apologetic about it — they’re all like angry at us for daring to have some sort of immigration law like every other country out there. If the illegal immigrants were more like, “Man, we’re so sorry about what we did and we know it was wrong, but Mexico super sucks and your country is so awesome. Could you ever forgive us?” we might have solved this by now. But instead, “You’re racist! And mean!” Well, why do you want to be in a country of mean, racists then?
Anyway, this issue is of course solved in my book How to Fix Everything in America Forever: The Plan to Keep America Awesome. First off, we get rid of our borders. It just seems wrong other countries should be touching us. And then we institute new, better tests for American-ness for anyone becoming a citizen (like wrestling a grizzly bear). And for everyone who comes here illegally, we deport someone. But my compromise is that if an illegal immigrant passes the American test, we can deport a useless hippie in his place.
Easy peasy. Man, if everyone just bought my book we’d have solved all our problems by now and Obama and most of the rest of government would probably be in a prison camp — where they all belong.