Obama Dooms Earth to Destruction

[High Praise! to Hot Air]

The White House has officially responded to the petition to build a Death Star, and they’ve declined to undertake the project.

The Empire has responded with their typical smug condescension to the news. Excerpt from the official Imperial press release:

The overwhelming military superiority of the Galactic Empire has been confirmed once again by the recent announcement by the President of the United States that his nation would not attempt to build a Death Star, despite the bellicose demands of the people of his tiny, aggressive planet. “It is doubtless that such a technological terror in the hands of so primitive a world would be used to upset the peace and sanctity of the citizens of the Galactic Empire,” said Governor Wilhuff Tarkin of the Outer Rim Territories. “Such destructive power can only be wielded to protect and defend by so enlightened a leader as Emperor Palpatine.”

Man, they are totally going to Alderaan our asses.

They’ll just put a headstone on one of the larger chunks that says “Earth was peaceful. It had no weapons.

Thanks a lot, Obama.

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  1. There was a Twilight Zone (I think it was TZ, it was when they rebooted the show in the 80s) in which alien overlords came back to earth to tell us how ashamed they were of us. They said they planted us on earth to build a better people and, judging how things were (in the 80s), we failed them by our political cowardice and pointless squabbling. The people begged for more time and got a reprieve.
    So, all the smirt people got together and worked out a world peace deal and happily presented it to the aliens. The alines were disgusted. They put us on earth to be hardened warriors.
    Earth goes **poof**
    Let’s all take a lesson from 80s TV, ok?


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