Obama Dooms Earth to Destruction

Posted on January 17, 2013 8:00 am

[High Praise! to Hot Air]

The White House has officially responded to the petition to build a Death Star, and they’ve declined to undertake the project.

The Empire has responded with their typical smug condescension to the news. Excerpt from the official Imperial press release:

The overwhelming military superiority of the Galactic Empire has been confirmed once again by the recent announcement by the President of the United States that his nation would not attempt to build a Death Star, despite the bellicose demands of the people of his tiny, aggressive planet. “It is doubtless that such a technological terror in the hands of so primitive a world would be used to upset the peace and sanctity of the citizens of the Galactic Empire,” said Governor Wilhuff Tarkin of the Outer Rim Territories. “Such destructive power can only be wielded to protect and defend by so enlightened a leader as Emperor Palpatine.”

Man, they are totally going to Alderaan our asses.

They’ll just put a headstone on one of the larger chunks that says “Earth was peaceful. It had no weapons.

Thanks a lot, Obama.

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8 Responses to “Obama Dooms Earth to Destruction”

  1. rodney dill says:

    The more likely headstone would be – “Mostly Harmless”

  2. rodney dill says:

    In case you missed the reference.

  3. Son of Bob says:

    I prefer “Death Star-Free Zone.” That’ll scare ‘em off.

  4. Rock Throwing Peasant says:

    There was a Twilight Zone (I think it was TZ, it was when they rebooted the show in the 80s) in which alien overlords came back to earth to tell us how ashamed they were of us. They said they planted us on earth to build a better people and, judging how things were (in the 80s), we failed them by our political cowardice and pointless squabbling. The people begged for more time and got a reprieve.
    So, all the smirt people got together and worked out a world peace deal and happily presented it to the aliens. The alines were disgusted. They put us on earth to be hardened warriors.
    Earth goes **poof**
    Let’s all take a lesson from 80s TV, ok?

  5. Harvey says:

    @4 – Yes, it was an 80’s Twilight Zone episode.

    Reference link:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Small_Talent_for_War

  6. Dohtimes says:

    With the funding they channel to al Qaeda and Planned Parenthood a Death Star would be an unnecessarily cheap redundancy and not nearly as scary as Obamacare Death Panels

  7. Jimmy says:

    And that Twilight Zone episode was one of the best ever.

  8. seanmahair says:

    Obama now a failure today and long long ago in a galaxy far far away, here, globally and now intergalactically.

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