Obama’s Final Speech (Of This Term)

So Obama is going to give his last press conference of his first term today. It seems like Obama has done nothing but talk his first term, but now we get it one last time — before we get four more years of it.

Anyway, it’s supposed to be on the debt ceiling and gun control, so here’s the expected transcript:

I’m going to keep spending and spending and never stop and you can’t make me so just raise the debt ceiling! Come on, guys! Just do it! I want to spend some more!

And gimme all your guns! Well, I don’t mean all your guns; I know that’s not politically possible. So just the scary ones. Like the loud ones. Gimme ’em! Eric Holder needs more guns to sell in Mexico.

Just realized: While I’m talking, I’m not spending. Gotta go!

Yay. Four more years.

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  1. That will likely be the speech in a nutshell.

    Look out for the “buts”:

    “I love the second amendment, BUT so many people are demanding I ban guns by any means necessary I have no choice.”

    “I really want to cut spending, BUT we have to spend a whole lot more money now before I can do that.”

    If you hear a “let me be clear”, a bald-faced lie is sure to follow.


  2. “I have a gun. Raise the debt limit, and no one will get hurt. Wait two years after I am out of office before you call the police.”



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