So how much will taxes have to be raised on the middle class if we want to close up the deficit without spending cuts?
When the government mandates everyone buy something, that lowers its price in bizarro world.
Maybe to appease people we should make even semi-er auto guns that fire one bullets every two trigger pulls.
If Obama wants to show bipartisan spirit, he and Mitch McConnell can take turns punching Hagel.
I don’t like Hagel’s weird sad eyes.
Buttercup has mastered the prefect inflection on “Daddy, will you play with me?” so I feel like Hitler when I have to leave for work.
Who is Elizabeth Wurtzel? Does she make pretzels? Because “Wurtzel’s Pretzels” sounds like it would be a good brand.
The main reason I like guns is that I’m just way too lazy to run up to things to put holes in them.
Who thought “Hyrdrox” was a good name for a cookie? It sounds like something you’d keep under the sink and make sure kids don’t drink.
If Obama minted the trillion dollar coin, is there anyone in his cabinet you’d trust not to run off with it?
BREAKING: Trillion dollar coin minted.
BREAKING: Trillion dollar coin and Timothy Geithner have disappeared.
From all these scowling pictures of John Brennan, he at least looks like someone who should run the CIA. Pretty easy to imagine him shouting at CIA agents who don’t play by the rules.
Nic Cage lives in constant fear that Judge Doom will come after him with The Dip.
I try not to care who follows me on Twitter anymore, but for those of you still not, what’s up with you? You think you’re better than me?
If you put a trillion dollar coin into a soda vending machine, you now own all soda manufacturers.
There has been a huge increase in people pooping their pants during the Obama administration.
I’m starting to see some nerd backlash to Big Bang Theory. What a bunch of nerds.
Since Hagel served in Vietnam, shouldn’t we worry about his unstable rage like we did with McCain?
Your taxes didn’t go up, they’re just going back to what they were three years ago. Don’t you remember how much you liked your taxes then?