Random Thoughts: Hagel, Hydrox, and Trillions

Posted on January 8, 2013 9:42 am

So how much will taxes have to be raised on the middle class if we want to close up the deficit without spending cuts?

When the government mandates everyone buy something, that lowers its price in bizarro world.

Maybe to appease people we should make even semi-er auto guns that fire one bullets every two trigger pulls.

If Obama wants to show bipartisan spirit, he and Mitch McConnell can take turns punching Hagel.

I don’t like Hagel’s weird sad eyes.

Buttercup has mastered the prefect inflection on “Daddy, will you play with me?” so I feel like Hitler when I have to leave for work.

Who is Elizabeth Wurtzel? Does she make pretzels? Because “Wurtzel’s Pretzels” sounds like it would be a good brand.

The main reason I like guns is that I’m just way too lazy to run up to things to put holes in them.

Who thought “Hyrdrox” was a good name for a cookie? It sounds like something you’d keep under the sink and make sure kids don’t drink.

If Obama minted the trillion dollar coin, is there anyone in his cabinet you’d trust not to run off with it?

BREAKING: Trillion dollar coin minted.
BREAKING: Trillion dollar coin and Timothy Geithner have disappeared.

From all these scowling pictures of John Brennan, he at least looks like someone who should run the CIA. Pretty easy to imagine him shouting at CIA agents who don’t play by the rules.

Nic Cage lives in constant fear that Judge Doom will come after him with The Dip.

I try not to care who follows me on Twitter anymore, but for those of you still not, what’s up with you? You think you’re better than me?

If you put a trillion dollar coin into a soda vending machine, you now own all soda manufacturers.

There has been a huge increase in people pooping their pants during the Obama administration.

I’m starting to see some nerd backlash to Big Bang Theory. What a bunch of nerds.

Since Hagel served in Vietnam, shouldn’t we worry about his unstable rage like we did with McCain?

Your taxes didn’t go up, they’re just going back to what they were three years ago. Don’t you remember how much you liked your taxes then?

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (3 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

9 Responses to “Random Thoughts: Hagel, Hydrox, and Trillions”

  1. Iowa Jim says:

    Your taxes didn’t go up, they’re just going back to what they were three years ago.

    Uh, no. They’re going back to approximately what they were in 2000. W got tax rates cut late in 2001 (if memory serves, they
    applied to all of 2001), and they’ve stayed there ever since. I think that the cuts on long-term capital gains and dividends came
    in 2003.

  2. Harvey says:

    The Big Bang Theory stopped being a cool nerd show the moment 75% of the main male characters got girlfriends.

    All scientific realism completely out the window at that point.

  3. rodney dill says:

    The front of the Trillion Dollar coin, should be Jimmy Carter whacking a rabbit with an oar.

  4. TheRoyalFamily says:

    You’ve only now started seeing backlash about TBBT? Where I hang out on the Internet, we’ve never liked it. It’s not that funny. You only think it’s funny because of the laugh track/Live Studio Audience, who will laugh at anything “nerdy” because nerds. Chuck is much better nerd comedy, and also has action and Jayne and stuff.

    Heck, I’m surprised some Autism Awareness group hasn’t gone after the show; even though the producers and writers swear up and down that it isn’t the case, Sheldon has a very clear case of Asperger’s.

  5. FredKey says:

    Hagel does have weird sad eyes, doesn’t he? Not like a cop who’s seen too much. More like a guy who feels bad about not sending child support checks for years and now his kids are grown up and won’t talk to him. Or one of those clowns that scares people. I just thought it was a Nebraska thing, since they seemed to like him.

  6. Hunter says:

    If I found a $1Trillion platinum coin on the ground, rather than return it to the government, I’d start walking towards Mt. Doom to throw it in.

  7. tanstaafl says:

    One of the best lines in history from big bang theory, “Ghod does not take attendance.” (paraphrase)

  8. Bunkerhillbilly says:

    …or one of those clowns that scares people.

    Yep, put his pic next to one of John Wayne Gacy…might be cousins. (Has anyone checked the crawlspace under Hagel’s house to check his insulation?)

    If the US is printing trillion dollar coins, our version of the Weimar era is well under way.(The Krauts printed up million Mark notes back in the 1920s.)

  9. 4of7 says:

    #8 -Bunkerhillbilly,
    When my dad was in Germany during WWII, he found a note like that in the street, blowing along like an autumn leaf.
    No one else bothered to pick it up, since they knew it was worthless.
    A trillion dollar coin has Some intrinsic value; you can drill a hole through it and use it as a washer.

Leave a Reply

XHTML: You can use these tags: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>