Guns are for closers.
If my novel gets published, I’m so going to edit my Twitter profile to reflect that.
What’s Cory Booker’s origin story?
Maybe we should rebrand the attack on cool looking guns as the Democrats’ “War on Awesome.”
Why would I pay $0.99 to read Stephen King’s rant on “assault weapons” when I can hit myself on the head with a mallet for free?
Pitch for DC or Marvel (whoever pays me first): Mayor who is secretly his city’s superhero savior by night. Alias: Bory Cooker.
The pen is mightier than the sword but pales in comparison to a rocket launcher.
If FOX News needs someone to replace Sarah Palin, I could go on TV and talk politics if I’m paid a lot of money. And I mean A LOT. I hate talking about politics. It’s so asinine.
What happened to the dolphin? Did it drink 17 ounces of soda?
It’s okay to make fun of dolphin dying, right? I’m sort of a sociopath; you need to explain these things to me.
Saturday pancake breakfast! Decided to start following a tradition from my dad.
Differences: It’s gluten-free Bisquick and you don’t have to get up as early for it.
Buttercup was like: “Daddy is cooking? This is insane! My world has no meaning!”
I thought it would take a lot of talent to do those arrangements on Glee, but apparently all it takes is being an amoral thief. (BTW, buy Coulton’s cover of Glee’s cover of his cover of “Baby Got Back”)
I really admire how much Edgar Allen achieved despite the fact he grew up Poe.
So we’re at the point that 1 degree above freezing + clear skies = “It’s warm out; you don’t even need a coat.”