Straight Line of the Day: After Being Awarded Father of the Year, Bill Clinton…

Posted on January 11, 2013 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

After being awarded Father of the Year, Bill Clinton…

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51 Responses to “Straight Line of the Day: After Being Awarded Father of the Year, Bill Clinton…”

  1. Mr D says:

    … celebrated by taking Chelsea’s best friend out for drink.

  2. rodney dill says:

    …paid off the National Father’s Day Council for changing ‘ad’ in his award title to an ‘r’

  3. rodney dill says:

    …made his case that he should also be named 2013 Astronaut of the Year.

  4. rodney dill says:

    …offered Mitt Romney advice on how to raise his ‘boys.’

  5. blarg says:

    …bought a case of cigars

  6. blarg says:

    …won the Nobel Peace Prize

  7. blarg says:

    …said hey, how about that, first black president to win “father of the year”!

  8. Apostic says:

    …gave an impromptu two hour statement.

  9. Tau Dades says:

    was glad they never found out about his other children.

  10. Iowa Jim says:

    . . . made the scene at all the local singles’ bars

  11. blarg says:

    …took Chris Dodd out to La Brasserie for a celebratory Waitress Sandwich

  12. g says:

    … did like every other day, asked all the women he met “who’s your daddy?”

  13. blarg says:

    …went on a rant about gun control

  14. blarg says:

    …said “HAH! take that, Gore!”

  15. rodney dill says:

    …changed his name to Darth Bubba

  16. blarg says:

    …send copies of the award to Al Gore and John Edwards

    …explained the win by saying “well, it depends on what the meaning of the word “father” is”

    …said “wanna throw in one of those weight loss awards while youre at it?”

    …said “wait, I’m a FATHER????”

  17. Mrs. C says:

    was shocked; after all “I did not have sex with that woman.”

    tripped over the lowered bar for parental standards.

    thanked all the nannies, au pairs, and interns that made his fathering years so much less stressful.

  18. can of spam says:

    … celebrated the victory of quantity over quality.

  19. rodney dill says:

    …returned Chris Matthews leg tingle.

  20. rodney dill says:

    …said to Hillary, “I’ve upped my parenting standards, so now up yours.”

  21. FormerHostage says:

    …carries it around and uses it as a pick-up line.

    …had his **** bronzed.

    …tweeted “in your face!” to Travis Henry.

  22. Drew says:

    …said, they’re not all mine! Honestly!

    …thought to himself: huh, I didn’t even have *sex* with the year.

  23. Doug says:

    That should be, “Fodder of the Year”.

  24. DamnCat says:

    …celebrated by paying his “date” for some “extras”.

  25. plentyobailouts says:

    Said “see I told you hillary was straight, now where are the interns?”

  26. blarg says:

    …was impressed by the low-altitude flyover by a squdron of pigs in his honor.

  27. john callow says:

    …was asked by reporters,”how’s Hillary’s head”? to which he replied, “OK, but not as good as Monica”

  28. rodney dill says:

    @john callow, #27: Winner winner, chickenbacon dinner.

  29. Dohtimes says:

    …he zipped up his pants and said “You better put some ice on that”.

  30. Conservatarian says:

    …celebrated with a fine cigar.

  31. Conservatarian says:

    …thank the mothers’ of his children.

  32. Dohtimes says:

    …held up a paper bag and said “Heh, I had to use this when we conceived her too”.

    …professed some shock because most Democrats take a hands on approach to children.

    …just kept on ruining other peoples daughters.

    …tried to talk Chaz Bono into a dress and returned to humping the podium.

  33. Writer says:

    . . . began looking for more “mothers”.

  34. rodney dill says:

    …made a call out to Nadya Suleman

  35. Jimmy says:

    …turned yellow.

  36. Ironic Stompin' says:

    …pulled out the cigar, lit it, left a $100 bill on the nightstand, and walked out.

  37. FormerHostage says:

    …asked if that came with a “happy ending.”

  38. HokieGomer says:

    …held the award in his hand and replied “Only one?”

  39. Dennis says:

    Says a prayer of thanks for services rendered by the late Vince Foster.

  40. blarg says:

    … Was puzzled that the awards didn’t have a hole in it.

  41. Iowa Jim says:

    . . . went out to father more children.

  42. Anonymiss says:

    …immediately filed a lawsuit against TROJAN.

  43. Bob in Feenicks says:

    …thought about it for a moment then said, “Ah! You must be referring to Chelsea!”

  44. Grand Larsen E. says:

    Tried to start another family with an intern so he could win again next year.

  45. Maverick says:

    … asked Hillary for directions to that village that did all the work.

  46. John B says:

    ….began to once again ask any woman that crossed his path, “Who’s your daddy?”

  47. HokieGomer says:

    …immediately upgraded his Ashley Madison account to “Platinum” status.

    …immediately upgraded his Ashley Madison profile to “Stud Puppy” status.

  48. tanstaafl says:

    refused to pick up the award because there’s a dna test involved.

  49. a guy named Rob says:

    …immediately became the leading nominee for the “deadbeat dad of the year” award

    …smiled, said “ohhh yeah” nodded his head and had a cigar

    …called Obama and said “and now there’s one more thing you’ll never do as well as me”

    …called Gennifer Flowers and asked ” it wasn’t you, was it?”

  50. john callow says:

    Said,(with boyish charm,and a slow drawl)…”well, that depends on what the meaning of “OF”, is… B)

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