Straight Line of the Day: At His Inauguration, Instead of a Bible, Obama Will Put His Hand…

Posted on January 14, 2013 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

At his inauguration, instead of a Bible, Obama will put his hand…

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56 Responses to “Straight Line of the Day: At His Inauguration, Instead of a Bible, Obama Will Put His Hand…”

  1. Jeff says:

    on a ‘Dumb and Dumber’ DVD.

  2. Apostic says:

    …on you wallet.

  3. Apostic says:

    (one of these days I’m gonna start proof reading my comments)

  4. rodney dill says:

    …a binder full of women (…that weren’t acceptable for his inner circle)

  5. rodney dill says:

    A CD copy of the Koran…. attendees will have a copy burned for them…

  6. FormerHostage says:

    At the risk of sounding like I’m ripping off Apostic….

    …in your pocket.

  7. rodney dill says:


    @Apostic – nothing quite kickstarts your internal spellchecker quite like hitting the ‘Submit Comment’ button.

  8. FormerHostage says:

    …on his crotch while saying “I got yer fiscal responsibility right here!’

  9. blarg says:

    Anything he can overreach

  10. rodney dill says:

    …on Joe Bidens steaming pile of malarky.

  11. Carpenter says:

    How to Become God by Michael Faust

  12. g says:

    … on his putter, a virtual hand will take the oath of office.

  13. gsmtiger says:

    … the ruins of the American economy, which looks suspiciously like a golf club.

  14. Tau Dades says:

    on the heads of his enemies

  15. rliz22 says:

    On Michelle’s butt

  16. rodney dill says:

    …we don’t know yet… he’ll take the oath on it, THEN we’ll get to read it.

  17. Scott says:

    At His Inauguration, Instead of a Bible, Obama Will Put His Hand…in a Wookie puppet.

  18. rodney dill says:

    a copy of Clifford The Big Red Dog.

  19. CTCompromise says:

    At his inauguration, instead of a Bible, Obama will put his hand…straight through the Constitution of the United States of America.

  20. CTCompromise says:

    At his inauguration, instead of a Bible, Obama will put his hand…on two Bibles, because all REAL liars say they “will swear on a stack of Bibles”.

  21. CTCompromise says:

    At his inauguration, instead of a Bible, Obama will put his hand…behind him with his fingers crossed, so the oath doesn’t “count”.

  22. can of spam says:

    … on a copy of Alinsky’s Rules for Radicals.

  23. CarolyntheMommy says:

    Boehner’s testicles

  24. Marc says:

    …the Quran
    …either a copy of “The Audacity of Hope” or “Dreams of My Father”
    …Chris Matthew’s knee giving him a real tingle down his leg

  25. Doug says:

    Behind his back with his fingers crossed.

  26. DamnCat says:

    …on George Soros’ package. His package of inauguration contributions. (seesh, you people!)

  27. Drew says:

    …on an icepack. You see, the Bible burns his hand when he touches it.

  28. FormerHostage says:

    …in the air to see which way the wind is blowing.

  29. FormerHostage says:

    …up his butt to scratch his nose.

  30. rodney dill says:

    on his forehead and say, “Wow, I coulda had a V-8.”

  31. motopolitico says:

    On the souls of the unborn dead.

  32. Jimmy says:

    …somewhere. We don’t know where that hand has been – or will go.

  33. Thor says:

    Wherever the teleprompter tells him to.

  34. Annie says:

    Up the country’s ass without a drop of KY.

  35. Carpenter says:

    well seeing how Obama is a “Divine Judgement” for America’s abandonment of GOD in favor of the Un-Biblical Humanistic Liberal-Commie-Homosexual Agenda, he just might go with the Bible! Why shouldn’t he?

    Barack Hussein Obama is the literal Biblical fulfillment of Gods Wrath by Abandonment. He is the instrument of Providence. We (the people) have been given over to Moral Depravity and Perversion. God has lifted his protective Grace on America and Obama is the result.

    Romans 1:24 NIV
    Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another.

  36. Mrs. C says:

    One hand on the bible, one hand behind his back . . finger’s crossed.

    There will be copies of any and all religious texts he can find, bible, quoran, torah, the works of Confucius, FSM doctrine, Alistair Crowley autobiography, a few fortune cookies . . . . all placed across, so nonoe coudl bee seen as superior.

  37. woody says:

    …on my wallet

  38. can of spam says:

    @CarolyntheMommy – that would be a neat trick, as I don’t think they exist

  39. Bob in Feenicks says:

    …on *a* bible, just the one written by Anton LeVey.

  40. rodney dill says:

    …on the back of the next one he’ll throw under the bus.

  41. Hunter says:

    Well, Apostic and FormerHostage grabbed the easy win I was hoping for, so I’m going to say;
    “…over the wrong side of his chest to cover his heart. With the wrong hand. Again.”

  42. Dohtimes says:

    …in his pocket, and yours and mine and heck, he will even put one hand in Alanis Morrisette’s pocket while flicking a cigarette, and then he will put it on the phone when his Imam calls to see if he has permission to continue the Jihad.

    …up to block the camera following Michelle around that’s filming the documentary “The Wookie Goes To Washington”.

    …on a faded Obama poster and “swear to that guy to uphold or hold up the Constitution”.

    …a copy of How to Make Friends and Influence People With Bus Wheels.

  43. Tinman says:

    On a first edition “How to wok your dog” cookbook.

  44. Jimmy says:

    @can of spam: How would you know if your hand hasn’t gone there?

    You are, of course, just speculating with the words “I don’t think they exist.”

    They don’t – for a fact.

  45. blarg says:

    On a stack of checks from his supporters

  46. tanstaafl says:

    on the button.

  47. Ernie Loco says:

    … up the skirt of some random intern. Oh wait, sorry, that’s what Bill Clinton will be doing.

  48. Ernie Loco says:

    … on a first edition of Marx’s Communist Manifesto.

  49. seanmahair says:

    …on Alinsky’s Rules for Radicals. It is after all Obama’s bible.

  50. arik says:

    On the only thing he truly believes in: Himself.

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