Straight Line of the Day: In Order to Meet New Fuel Economy Standards, Carmakers…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

In order to meet new fuel economy standards, carmakers…

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58 Comments

  1. …reportedly made a list of alternatives that actually included rubber bands and cutting a hole in the floor of the driver’s side.

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  2. …are not rating engine output in hamster power

    …are replacing motors with hamster wheels

    …are only selling cars to agencies exempt from the standards

    …are labeling all cars “for off-road use only”

    …are building a privately-funded highway system that isn’t subject to government regulations…like race tracks. (actually that’s a pretty good idea)

    …are just signing over the bail-out checks to the UAW and not even making cars anymore

    …are getting out of the car business

    …experimenting with new fuels like rainbows and unicorn farts

    …started referring to gasoline as “enviro-fuel” effectively rendering the standards pointless since they now use NO gasoline at all! (actually ALSO a pretty good idea)

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  3. . . . were tricked into thinking that the government could buy their company and make more efficient cars. The new smart car is shaped like Obama’s head, and all new trucks come with a free driver, also shaped like Obama’s head.

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  4. …dusted off all those independent carburetor designs that mysteriously disappear decades ago only to find out THEY WERE CRANKS!

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  5. . . .Tried decreasing the weight by reducing the strength of the building material. However, Obama refuses to buy one because he accidentally hits his car so often with golf balls.

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  6. …consistent with a philosophy of “eliminating the middle man,” they eliminated the transmission between the engine and the wheels, and, voila!

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  7. …are eliminating unneeded parts such as doors and brakes.

    …all models sold in Detroit will come already propped up on cinder blocks.

    …the presidents limo will have aerodynamic skirts fitted around Obama’s ears.

    …all models claiming to be 1/32 Cherokee will not have to meet any standards at all.

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  8. @CarolyntheMommy: There’s nothing inherently wrong with saying “to heck with it” and hitting the bar.

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  9. . . . are following the examples of politicians and Occutards and are making wildly optimistic performance projections they cannot hope to meet, commitments they have no intention of honoring, and promises to deliver union votes to Democrats who will save them when unexpectedly and unforeseeably they are shocked – shocked! – to discover that a car powered by solar wind was not feasible after all.

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  10. . . . simply have to make a large enough contribution to the Democratic Party; it’s the Chicago way.

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  11. …are installing new tire pressure monitors and automatic inflators because according to Obama, all we have to do is make sure our tire pressures are corect.

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  12. …will count the distance to any model when Biden plays with his Matchbox cars and goes VROOM VROOM VROOOOOOOOM.

    …will cut guys some slack if they can get out of their car and walk straight into a “Roadhouse” bar and not get embarrassed or beaten up. The money these guys pay for low milage is just a testosterone tax.

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  13. In order to meet new fuel economy standards, carmakers……are just “fudging the numbers”, as they always have.

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  14. In order to meet new fuel economy standards, carmakers……are building Richshaw assembly plants overseas.

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  15. In order to meet new fuel economy standards, carmakers…..are now going to include a car-bomber’s version to every model, to help boost the “average M.P.G.”

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  16. Pingback: IMAO » Blog Archive » You’ve Been Judged!

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