Straight Line of the Day: In Order to Meet New Fuel Economy Standards, Carmakers…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
In order to meet new fuel economy standards, carmakers…
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January 17th, 2013 at 12:02 pm
…stopped making cars
…are making mopeds
…are now producing the Flintstone Mobile
January 17th, 2013 at 12:03 pm
…proposed that Obama issue an executive order to shorten the length of a mile by 10%.
January 17th, 2013 at 12:04 pm
…started a car design that would run on the endless supply of hot air available in Washington D.C.
January 17th, 2013 at 12:05 pm
…changed the subject to guns and mental illness…
January 17th, 2013 at 12:05 pm
…started creating cars meant to coast down a fiscal cliff…
January 17th, 2013 at 12:08 pm
…reportedly made a list of alternatives that actually included rubber bands and cutting a hole in the floor of the driver’s side.
January 17th, 2013 at 12:10 pm
…invested highly in a new material called “Unobtanium,” (strip)mined primarily in China.
January 17th, 2013 at 12:12 pm
starting making cars out of a light disposable substance, Obama’s promises.
January 17th, 2013 at 12:13 pm
…are unveiling Hamster-8 engines.
January 17th, 2013 at 12:15 pm
…are not rating engine output in hamster power
…are replacing motors with hamster wheels
…are only selling cars to agencies exempt from the standards
…are labeling all cars “for off-road use only”
…are building a privately-funded highway system that isn’t subject to government regulations…like race tracks. (actually that’s a pretty good idea)
…are just signing over the bail-out checks to the UAW and not even making cars anymore
…are getting out of the car business
…experimenting with new fuels like rainbows and unicorn farts
…started referring to gasoline as “enviro-fuel” effectively rendering the standards pointless since they now use NO gasoline at all! (actually ALSO a pretty good idea)
January 17th, 2013 at 12:16 pm
…are tooling up for buggy whip production.
January 17th, 2013 at 12:18 pm
…have opened R&D facilities in Lancaster, PA.
January 17th, 2013 at 12:22 pm
…considered alternative fuels such as coal but dismissed it because coal is black and bad.
January 17th, 2013 at 12:29 pm
. . . were tricked into thinking that the government could buy their company and make more efficient cars. The new smart car is shaped like Obama’s head, and all new trucks come with a free driver, also shaped like Obama’s head.
January 17th, 2013 at 12:31 pm
. . . Build cars strong enough to fall off cliffs, especially fiscal cliffs.
January 17th, 2013 at 12:31 pm
…shrugged and signed up for welfare.
January 17th, 2013 at 12:33 pm
…have been donating heavily to the Democrat party.
January 17th, 2013 at 12:36 pm
…are telling customers to lose weight.
January 17th, 2013 at 12:46 pm
…dusted off all those independent carburetor designs that mysteriously disappear decades ago only to find out THEY WERE CRANKS!
January 17th, 2013 at 12:46 pm
. . .Tried decreasing the weight by reducing the strength of the building material. However, Obama refuses to buy one because he accidentally hits his car so often with golf balls.
January 17th, 2013 at 12:47 pm
… are hanging old tires on the doors and reclassifying them as tug boats.
January 17th, 2013 at 12:53 pm
…consistent with a philosophy of “eliminating the middle man,” they eliminated the transmission between the engine and the wheels, and, voila!
January 17th, 2013 at 1:04 pm
…put wheels and a phone and created a car made for telecommuting.
January 17th, 2013 at 1:15 pm
…are eliminating unneeded parts such as doors and brakes.
…all models sold in Detroit will come already propped up on cinder blocks.
…the presidents limo will have aerodynamic skirts fitted around Obama’s ears.
…all models claiming to be 1/32 Cherokee will not have to meet any standards at all.
January 17th, 2013 at 1:18 pm
…gun racks will hold only guns with smaller lighter magazines.
January 17th, 2013 at 1:23 pm
. . . have added a mandatory portion of baked beans to the corporate cafeteria menu.
January 17th, 2013 at 1:55 pm
…have added the use of highly energy efficient Trillion Dollar coins as wheels.
January 17th, 2013 at 1:57 pm
…have retained the consultation services of the ACME Corporation and Wile E. Coyote to alter the laws of physics for automobile operation.
January 17th, 2013 at 2:02 pm
… are saying ‘the heck with it’ and hitting the bar
January 17th, 2013 at 2:03 pm
….have added sails
January 17th, 2013 at 2:11 pm
@CarolyntheMommy: There’s nothing inherently wrong with saying “to heck with it” and hitting the bar.
January 17th, 2013 at 2:15 pm
…are adding miles that the universe expands to the distance traveled.
January 17th, 2013 at 2:32 pm
. . . are following the examples of politicians and Occutards and are making wildly optimistic performance projections they cannot hope to meet, commitments they have no intention of honoring, and promises to deliver union votes to Democrats who will save them when unexpectedly and unforeseeably they are shocked – shocked! – to discover that a car powered by solar wind was not feasible after all.
January 17th, 2013 at 2:45 pm
…are breeding Huskies.
January 17th, 2013 at 3:05 pm
…responded to the President with, “You’ve upped our standards, so now up yours.”
January 17th, 2013 at 3:06 pm
…are adding the infinite improbability drive…
January 17th, 2013 at 3:07 pm
. . . simply have to make a large enough contribution to the Democratic Party; it’s the Chicago way.
January 17th, 2013 at 3:09 pm
@Jimmy and CarolyntheMommy –
Count me in.
January 17th, 2013 at 3:30 pm
…are installing new tire pressure monitors and automatic inflators because according to Obama, all we have to do is make sure our tire pressures are corect.
January 17th, 2013 at 3:34 pm
…created a new car that stops after 25 miles and says “get out and push” for the next 29.5 miles.
January 17th, 2013 at 3:57 pm
…will count the distance to any model when Biden plays with his Matchbox cars and goes VROOM VROOM VROOOOOOOOM.
…will cut guys some slack if they can get out of their car and walk straight into a “Roadhouse” bar and not get embarrassed or beaten up. The money these guys pay for low milage is just a testosterone tax.
January 17th, 2013 at 4:23 pm
will eliminate engines
January 17th, 2013 at 5:00 pm
… adding real “Running Boards” so the driver can push it along like a scooter in slow traffic.
January 17th, 2013 at 5:14 pm
… applied for a waiver from the new standards – they sent it in the same envelope as their DNC donation.
January 17th, 2013 at 5:18 pm
…are seriously considering nuclear power-driven steam turbines. Yes!
January 17th, 2013 at 6:00 pm
In order to meet new fuel economy standards, carmakers……are just “fudging the numbers”, as they always have.
January 17th, 2013 at 6:01 pm
In order to meet new fuel economy standards, carmakers……are asking Biden to do the math.
January 17th, 2013 at 6:10 pm
In order to meet new fuel economy standards, carmakers……are building Richshaw assembly plants overseas.
January 17th, 2013 at 6:11 pm
* Rickshaw*
January 17th, 2013 at 6:18 pm
In order to meet new fuel economy standards, carmakers…..are now going to include a car-bomber’s version to every model, to help boost the “average M.P.G.”
January 17th, 2013 at 7:00 pm
…lobbied congress that all roads be built with only a downhill grade.
…went into the bicycle business.
…developed the Flinstone upgrade.
…uh..uh..smaller magazines!
…announced the new Corvette:
http://braunphoto.wordpress.com/2011/01/10/no-phone-no-lights-no-motor-cars/
January 17th, 2013 at 7:54 pm
will come with a GPS unit tied into Skynet to scare you into NOT driving. Oh, wait…
January 17th, 2013 at 8:27 pm
@51 – Drew – I used my magical editing powers to fix the link for you.
January 18th, 2013 at 2:54 am
…are now intentionally building cars nobody wants to drive.
January 18th, 2013 at 7:55 am
..are evaluating undetectable gasoline additives from boutique chemical consultant Lance Armstrong.
January 18th, 2013 at 2:30 pm
…introduced the new Manti Te’o model which get’s the best mileage imaginable.
January 18th, 2013 at 3:45 pm
…created a new system of measure to confuse regulators.
January 18th, 2013 at 8:14 pm
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