Straight Line of the Day: In Order to Meet New Fuel Economy Standards, Carmakers…

Posted on January 17, 2013 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

In order to meet new fuel economy standards, carmakers…

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58 Responses to “Straight Line of the Day: In Order to Meet New Fuel Economy Standards, Carmakers…”

  1. blarg says:

    …stopped making cars

    …are making mopeds

    …are now producing the Flintstone Mobile

  2. rodney dill says:

    …proposed that Obama issue an executive order to shorten the length of a mile by 10%.

  3. rodney dill says:

    …started a car design that would run on the endless supply of hot air available in Washington D.C.

  4. rodney dill says:

    …changed the subject to guns and mental illness…

  5. rodney dill says:

    …started creating cars meant to coast down a fiscal cliff…

  6. Jimmy says:

    …reportedly made a list of alternatives that actually included rubber bands and cutting a hole in the floor of the driver’s side.

  7. Scott says:

    …invested highly in a new material called “Unobtanium,” (strip)mined primarily in China.

  8. spacemonkey says:

    starting making cars out of a light disposable substance, Obama’s promises.

  9. Apostic says:

    …are unveiling Hamster-8 engines.

  10. blarg says:

    …are not rating engine output in hamster power

    …are replacing motors with hamster wheels

    …are only selling cars to agencies exempt from the standards

    …are labeling all cars “for off-road use only”

    …are building a privately-funded highway system that isn’t subject to government regulations…like race tracks. (actually that’s a pretty good idea)

    …are just signing over the bail-out checks to the UAW and not even making cars anymore

    …are getting out of the car business

    …experimenting with new fuels like rainbows and unicorn farts

    …started referring to gasoline as “enviro-fuel” effectively rendering the standards pointless since they now use NO gasoline at all! (actually ALSO a pretty good idea)

  11. DamnCat says:

    …are tooling up for buggy whip production.

  12. DamnCat says:

    …have opened R&D facilities in Lancaster, PA.

  13. Jimmy says:

    …considered alternative fuels such as coal but dismissed it because coal is black and bad.

  14. srm000 says:

    . . . were tricked into thinking that the government could buy their company and make more efficient cars. The new smart car is shaped like Obama’s head, and all new trucks come with a free driver, also shaped like Obama’s head.

  15. srm000 says:

    . . . Build cars strong enough to fall off cliffs, especially fiscal cliffs.

  16. blarg says:

    …shrugged and signed up for welfare.

  17. Son of Bob says:

    …have been donating heavily to the Democrat party.

  18. DamnCat says:

    …are telling customers to lose weight.

  19. Jimmy says:

    …dusted off all those independent carburetor designs that mysteriously disappear decades ago only to find out THEY WERE CRANKS!

  20. srm000 says:

    . . .Tried decreasing the weight by reducing the strength of the building material. However, Obama refuses to buy one because he accidentally hits his car so often with golf balls.

  21. g says:

    … are hanging old tires on the doors and reclassifying them as tug boats.

  22. Jimmy says:

    …consistent with a philosophy of “eliminating the middle man,” they eliminated the transmission between the engine and the wheels, and, voila!

  23. blarg says:

    …put wheels and a phone and created a car made for telecommuting.

  24. Dohtimes says:

    …are eliminating unneeded parts such as doors and brakes.

    …all models sold in Detroit will come already propped up on cinder blocks.

    …the presidents limo will have aerodynamic skirts fitted around Obama’s ears.

    …all models claiming to be 1/32 Cherokee will not have to meet any standards at all.

  25. Dohtimes says:

    …gun racks will hold only guns with smaller lighter magazines.

  26. James says:

    . . . have added a mandatory portion of baked beans to the corporate cafeteria menu.

  27. rodney dill says:

    …have added the use of highly energy efficient Trillion Dollar coins as wheels.

  28. rodney dill says:

    …have retained the consultation services of the ACME Corporation and Wile E. Coyote to alter the laws of physics for automobile operation.

  29. CarolyntheMommy says:

    … are saying ‘the heck with it’ and hitting the bar

  30. tomg51 says:

    ….have added sails

  31. Jimmy says:

    @CarolyntheMommy: There’s nothing inherently wrong with saying “to heck with it” and hitting the bar.

  32. tomg51 says:

    …are adding miles that the universe expands to the distance traveled.

  33. Crabby Old Bat says:

    . . . are following the examples of politicians and Occutards and are making wildly optimistic performance projections they cannot hope to meet, commitments they have no intention of honoring, and promises to deliver union votes to Democrats who will save them when unexpectedly and unforeseeably they are shocked – shocked! – to discover that a car powered by solar wind was not feasible after all.

  34. DamnCat says:

    …are breeding Huskies.

  35. rodney dill says:

    …responded to the President with, “You’ve upped our standards, so now up yours.”

  36. rodney dill says:

    …are adding the infinite improbability drive…

  37. Iowa Jim says:

    . . . simply have to make a large enough contribution to the Democratic Party; it’s the Chicago way.

  38. rodney dill says:

    @Jimmy and CarolyntheMommy –

    saying “to heck with it” and hitting the bar.

    Count me in.

  39. blarg says:

    …are installing new tire pressure monitors and automatic inflators because according to Obama, all we have to do is make sure our tire pressures are corect.

  40. blarg says:

    …created a new car that stops after 25 miles and says “get out and push” for the next 29.5 miles.

  41. Dohtimes says:

    …will count the distance to any model when Biden plays with his Matchbox cars and goes VROOM VROOM VROOOOOOOOM.

    …will cut guys some slack if they can get out of their car and walk straight into a “Roadhouse” bar and not get embarrassed or beaten up. The money these guys pay for low milage is just a testosterone tax.

  42. GrandLarsenE says:

    will eliminate engines

  43. Writer says:

    … adding real “Running Boards” so the driver can push it along like a scooter in slow traffic.

  44. Mrs. C says:

    … applied for a waiver from the new standards – they sent it in the same envelope as their DNC donation.

  45. Jimmy says:

    …are seriously considering nuclear power-driven steam turbines. Yes!

  46. CTCompromise says:

    In order to meet new fuel economy standards, carmakers……are just “fudging the numbers”, as they always have.

  47. CTCompromise says:

    In order to meet new fuel economy standards, carmakers……are asking Biden to do the math.

  48. CTCompromise says:

    In order to meet new fuel economy standards, carmakers……are building Richshaw assembly plants overseas.

  49. CTCompromise says:

    * Rickshaw*

  50. CTCompromise says:

    In order to meet new fuel economy standards, carmakers…..are now going to include a car-bomber’s version to every model, to help boost the “average M.P.G.”

  51. Drew says:

    …lobbied congress that all roads be built with only a downhill grade.

    …went into the bicycle business.

    …developed the Flinstone upgrade.

    …uh..uh..smaller magazines!

    …announced the new Corvette:

    http://braunphoto.wordpress.com/2011/01/10/no-phone-no-lights-no-motor-cars/

  52. Greg says:

    will come with a GPS unit tied into Skynet to scare you into NOT driving. Oh, wait…

  53. Harvey says:

    @51 – Drew – I used my magical editing powers to fix the link for you.

  54. Bob in Feenicks says:

    …are now intentionally building cars nobody wants to drive.

  55. tomg51 says:

    ..are evaluating undetectable gasoline additives from boutique chemical consultant Lance Armstrong.

  56. Dohtimes says:

    …introduced the new Manti Te’o model which get’s the best mileage imaginable.

  57. Tau Dades says:

    …created a new system of measure to confuse regulators.

  58. IMAO » Blog Archive » You’ve Been Judged! links:

    [...] Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “In order to meet new fuel economy standards, car makers…” [...]

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