Straight Line of the Day: Now That The Military Will Allow Women in Combat Roles…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Now that the military will allow women in combat roles…

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  1. It will really increase our military effectiveness by giving troops on the front lines increased physical capacity, less distractions, reduced unit tensions, simpler logistics, and less danger of brutal personal attacks at the hand of the enemey.

    Oh wait, it’ll actually do the opposite of all that. Well, at least it will make some hairy legged feminists (who have no intention of ever even being near the military) happy.

  2. . . . The Dirty Dozen will be re-filmed, with Nancy Pelosi, Hillary Clinton, Helen Thomas and Michelle Obama assuming the combat roles of Lee Marvin, Ernest Borgnine, Charles Bronson and James Brown, respectively. [You have to admit they are WAY scarier than the originals.]

  3. Women will play a significant role in the coming Civil War! That why Obama wants them. If given the chance the Lib Gals will go FREEKIN BESERK!

    That because Commie-Socialist-Liberal women will have NO problem at all launching unwarranted multiple warhead missile attacks on Christian Civilian areas (and whole states) that do not support Communism, Obamunism, Emperor Obama or President Hillary Rodham.

  4. …there will be no concessions to ability, no lowering of standards of performance, except “he was almost dead” and “but there was a spider in there” and “the terrorist left the toilet seat up” are legitimate excuses for mission failure.

    …the fact that every minute a woman spends in combat conditions makes her the perfect bloodthirsty tireless man killing machine a good thing.

  5. ….we will have commercial spin-offs of Various Other Military items,such-as :
    Dual-Use Kotex, for when you need a campfire starter and nothing else is around…..
    NAPALM-brand Moisturizer for hot and soft, pleasurable skin…..
    Old Navy-brand Birth-Control pills, for Every Kind of Voyage…….
    G I Jane-brand Swim-Wear, endorsed by Demi, her-own-self….with the Female SEAL of Approval……..

    (On a serious note, why did we wait until iraq was behind us and Afghanistan is about to be, to endorse this policy.
    Who would it have hurt to do it on 1/21/2009?)

  6. The WNBA will be the butt of significantly fewer jokes

    The company that makes those Hello Kitty AR15s will finally get that lucrative military contact

    The feminists can finally get back to hating the military for all the right reasons

    The feminists have announced their next target – those sexist “men” signs on bathroom doors. Why should only MEN be allowed in there?

  7. Now that the military will allow women in combat roles…..The next change will include “the 1st Battalion Transvestite Brigade Airborne Wing, parachuting in..with fantastic make-up!” (nods to Eddie Izzard)

  8. …Buck the Marine can return to finish his primary mission, killing foreigners without waiting for orders.

    …Ms. Magazine will have a soldier and the quote “Give me liberty or give me more comfortable boots” on the cover right before being raided by the irony police.

    …letting Janeane Garofalo enlist will be a war crime.

    …D-Day will be erased from history and replaced with Deloris Shot Him In The Face Day.

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