Straight Line of the Day: Now That The Military Will Allow Women in Combat Roles…

Posted on January 25, 2013 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Now that the military will allow women in combat roles…

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51 Responses to “Straight Line of the Day: Now That The Military Will Allow Women in Combat Roles…”

  1. rodney dill says:

    Foxholes will have to be renamed.

  2. rodney dill says:

    …Going ‘Commando’ will no longer be permitted.

  3. rodney dill says:

    …The barracks/tent/quarters will start to smell like ‘The Body Shop.’

  4. rodney dill says:

    …Biden is re-upping.

  5. rodney dill says:

    …other Pre-Marital Prep courses will not be required.

  6. FredKey says:

    …Barry can go from hiding behind children to hiding behind women.

  7. Apostic says:

    Individual combat units might declare war on someone about once per month.

  8. Apostic says:

    …commercials for feminine hygine products during war movies won’t seem as out of place as they used to.

  9. Son of Bob says:

    Our front line troops will finally have someone to make them a sammich!

  10. tomg51 says:

    ….guys can get back to their true calling of drinking beer and watching football

  11. rodney dill says:

    Honey Boo Boo will have a chance to carry her notoriety into adult life.

  12. rodney dill says:

    Boobs won’t be just at the top of the chain of command.

  13. rodney dill says:

    ….we’re just one step closer to a new reality TV show.

  14. Dohtimes says:

    …tail gunner jokes will be be cause for court martial, even for civilians.

    …this is my rifle, this is my vajayjay will be heard in the next Tom Hanks movie. Probably said by Matt Damon.

  15. Ernie Loco says:

    It will really increase our military effectiveness by giving troops on the front lines increased physical capacity, less distractions, reduced unit tensions, simpler logistics, and less danger of brutal personal attacks at the hand of the enemey.

    Oh wait, it’ll actually do the opposite of all that. Well, at least it will make some hairy legged feminists (who have no intention of ever even being near the military) happy.

  16. Ernie Loco says:

    and yes, I do actually know how to spell “enemy”…

  17. Writer says:

    . . . Hollywood will have a fit of ecstasy as they can now expand War movies to show more women.

  18. Writer says:

    . . . more of the Metrosexuals can evade serving in combat.

  19. Writer says:

    . . . battles will occur in cycles.

  20. Writer says:

    . . . whole new meaning to “Drop and give me twenty”.

  21. zzyzx says:

    It’ll put new meaning in that old phrase…”Ah yer mudda wears combat boots!”

  22. Raving Lunatic says:

    ..there will be more front line visits by Bill Clinton

  23. Crabby Old Bat says:

    . . . The Dirty Dozen will be re-filmed, with Nancy Pelosi, Hillary Clinton, Helen Thomas and Michelle Obama assuming the combat roles of Lee Marvin, Ernest Borgnine, Charles Bronson and James Brown, respectively. [You have to admit they are WAY scarier than the originals.]

  24. Crabby Old Bat says:

    Writer says: . . . battles will occur in cycles.

    A bloated, mean, fightin’ machine. [Shamelessly stolen from Carrie Snow.]

  25. Apostic says:

    …there will be more interest in “plausible deniability” when units return from the field.

  26. HokieGomer says:

    …a new Corps will be formed with 28 divisions called the PMS Corps. Each will fight in rotation to maintain “maximum bitchy readiness”.

  27. Carpenter says:

    Women will play a significant role in the coming Civil War! That why Obama wants them. If given the chance the Lib Gals will go FREEKIN BESERK!

    That because Commie-Socialist-Liberal women will have NO problem at all launching unwarranted multiple warhead missile attacks on Christian Civilian areas (and whole states) that do not support Communism, Obamunism, Emperor Obama or President Hillary Rodham.

  28. gsmtiger says:

    … Hillary is shipping out with the next batallion, because “What does it matter?”

  29. Dohtimes says:

    …there will be no concessions to ability, no lowering of standards of performance, except “he was almost dead” and “but there was a spider in there” and “the terrorist left the toilet seat up” are legitimate excuses for mission failure.

    …the fact that every minute a woman spends in combat conditions makes her the perfect bloodthirsty tireless man killing machine a good thing.

  30. Uncle Kevvie, That's Who says:

    ….we will have commercial spin-offs of Various Other Military items,such-as :
    Dual-Use Kotex, for when you need a campfire starter and nothing else is around…..
    NAPALM-brand Moisturizer for hot and soft, pleasurable skin…..
    Old Navy-brand Birth-Control pills, for Every Kind of Voyage…….
    G I Jane-brand Swim-Wear, endorsed by Demi, her-own-self….with the Female SEAL of Approval……..

    (On a serious note, why did we wait until iraq was behind us and Afghanistan is about to be, to endorse this policy.
    Who would it have hurt to do it on 1/21/2009?)

  31. @boston_bubba says:

    Obama finally has a way to remove Hillary from her post.

  32. Dohtimes says:

    …it IS possible for Muslim men to be even more humiliated when we kick their asses.

    …bring your daughter to work day means lower mortality rate for Chicago children.

  33. Jimmy says:

    …male soldiers will get shot while glancing at their bent-over female couterparts.

  34. Mrs. C says:

    Bill Clinton is bucking for a military secretary cabinet position.

  35. Bob in Feenicks says:

    …the silent treatment is now being considered a valid military tactic.

  36. blarg says:

    The WNBA will be the butt of significantly fewer jokes

    The company that makes those Hello Kitty AR15s will finally get that lucrative military contact

    The feminists can finally get back to hating the military for all the right reasons

    The feminists have announced their next target – those sexist “men” signs on bathroom doors. Why should only MEN be allowed in there?

  37. Bob in Feenicks says:

    *as* a valid military tactic.

  38. Writer says:

    This will give those Militant Feminists access to better weapons than any legal-minded Right Wing Civillian will possess when the war comes against those silly Conservatives.

  39. CTCompromise says:

    Now that the military will allow women in combat roles…..The next change will include “the 1st Battalion Transvestite Brigade Airborne Wing, parachuting in..with fantastic make-up!” (nods to Eddie Izzard)

  40. CTCompromise says:

    …They’re going to remake “An Officer and a Gentlemen” with Debra Winger carrying Richard Gere off at the end.

  41. CTCompromise says:

    …dog tags will be issued in 14kt gold on a herringbone chain, available in 18″ or 20″‘ lengths.

  42. CTCompromise says:

    …..the term “Breeching the Dyke” has a WHOLE new meaning.

  43. Wiccapundit says:

    The term “MANPAD” will become … confusing.

  44. CarolyntheMommy says:

    … the person asking, “Does this make me look fat?” will be armed

  45. Jimmy says:

    CarolyntheSoldierMommy for the win!

    (Don’t point that at me, it’s got a nail on it!)

  46. Oppo says:

    …the term MOAB will actually work even better.

    …the movie “G.I. Jane” will suck for one less reason.

  47. Writer says:

    . . . gives the launch warning “White Rocket” an entirely new meaning.

  48. CaptMidnight says:

    That banging at the front lines is not necessarily the sounds of explosive ordinance.

  49. Dohtimes says:

    …Buck the Marine can return to finish his primary mission, killing foreigners without waiting for orders.

    …Ms. Magazine will have a soldier and the quote “Give me liberty or give me more comfortable boots” on the cover right before being raided by the irony police.

    …letting Janeane Garofalo enlist will be a war crime.

    …D-Day will be erased from history and replaced with Deloris Shot Him In The Face Day.

  50. john callow says:

    …all wars will end…AT THE WRONG TIME OF THE MONTH!

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