Straight Line of the Day: President Obama Will Pick His Next Defense Secretary Based On…

Posted on January 9, 2013 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

President Obama will pick his next Defense Secretary based on…

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44 Responses to “Straight Line of the Day: President Obama Will Pick His Next Defense Secretary Based On…”

  1. Ian says:

    their top “Space Invaders” score.

  2. DamnCat says:

    …who Valerie Jerrett tells him to pick.

  3. Apostic says:

    …the candidates commitment to make the military a gun free zone.

  4. Mrs. C says:

    … the names within the grid on the white house lawn. BO just ate, so we should know any minute now.

  5. FormerHostage says:

    …eenie, meenie, minee, moe…

  6. rodney dill says:

    their ability to stop RG III

  7. rodney dill says:

    …by Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock.

  8. g says:

    … his deep seated insecurities and a need to compensate.

  9. NO_MO_BAMA says:

    his hatred of those damn JOOOOOOOOOOOOOS!!!!!

  10. rodney dill says:

    …someone Congress doesn’t want the haggle with…. (rimshot)

  11. Jimmy says:

    …by how much they hate Israel.

    Oh, wait. This is supposed to be funny.

  12. rodney dill says:

    …who is the best at NCIS trivia.

  13. Jimmy says:

    …how much he is despised by fellow Republicans.

    Oh. There I go again.

  14. Mrs. C says:

    … careful analysis of qualifications and consultation with foreign-policy experts interested in maintaining if-not improving USA’s security and influence in the world.
    Sorry, I thought you asked what Frank J. would do.

    … his earlier promise to have a cabinet the reflected the rich diversity of the people who elected him – or the old white guy, whatever.

  15. rodney dill says:

    …someone Congress doesn’t want to haggle with…. (rimshot)

    (corrected ‘the’ to ‘to’)

  16. rodney dill says:

    …he’ll flip a trillion dollar coin.

  17. Corsair says:

    His desire to defund it.

    The willingness to use the Defense department against civilians.

  18. Corsair says:

    Their horoscope.

    letting Michelle pick one out of a line-up

  19. FormerHostage says:

    …his ability to ensure gay servicepersons of color have access to affordable healthcare and birthcontrol and that generals pay their fair share.

  20. FormerHostage says:

    …nothing that could be described as common sense.

  21. rodney dill says:

    …by how photogenic they are in a tank helmet.

  22. rodney dill says:

    …by handing them an oar and seeing if they’ll whack a rabbit.

  23. rodney dill says:

    …ask them ‘What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?’

  24. Drew says:

    …who gives the funniest answer to the straight line “the real reason I hate Israel is…”

  25. Drew says:

    …the winner of the Electronic Battleship Tournament!

  26. Drew says:

    …their susceptablility to ailments such as flu, fainting, and blod clots, just in case something goes horribly wrong and they need to testify.

  27. plentyobailouts says:

    based on the number of strokes the caddy skimmed off the top.

    Secretary of what? Fore!

    his loyalty to marx

    weather his name is mohmmed, hussein, or bob.

  28. James says:

    . . . on their ability to keep guns out of the hands of the enemy uh militia uh citizens.

  29. DamnCat says:

    …his or her commitment to defending muslims.

  30. blarg says:

    40% eveningwear
    40% swimsuit
    20% talent

  31. HokieGomer says:

    …what the Magic 8-Ball says.

    …who can down an 8-ball of Old E the fastest.

    …reading the patterns in the Moochelles back hair.

  32. tomg51 says:

    whomever can distract the media from taxes, cliffs, O’care and Benghazi as long as possible..
    I’m putting my money on Miss Alabama right now….

  33. Dohtimes says:

    …his ability to keep Al Roker far away from him. And downwind.

    …an understanding of the importance of retroactive bayonet disarmament, and preemptive capitulation in modern warfare.

    …his dinner conversation with Antwann Z-Bug Jones, manufacturer of the all new single shot revolver hand gun, who hopes to do business with the Obama administration.

    …Biden’s demand that we start using adults in our ground forces and just get rid of the infantry all together.

  34. Dohtimes says:

    …his belief and her acceptance that protecting our borders from escaping taxpayers be the number one priority.

  35. Matt Musson says:

    their ability reach out to the Moslem community.

    He picked Chuck Hagel? See, I was right.

  36. rodney dill says:

    Two go in… One comes out.

  37. HokieGomer says:

    …whomever is willing to continue the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids.

  38. a guy named Rob says:

    his or her ability to identify all the channels on both DISH and Directv

  39. a guy named Rob says:

    …gag reflex, access to rubber bands, and fluency in Klingon, but he wont say why

  40. 5of7 says:

    “Can you handle responsibility?”
    “You bet! At every job I’ve ever had, when something went wrong, they said I was responsible!”

  41. Bob in Feenicks says:

    …how he or she will fit under the bus.

  42. Dohtimes says:

    …whether or not it comes with Kung Fu Grip.

  43. gsmtiger says:

    … Joe Biden’s new “Malarkey Meter”, the one with the lowest reading wins.

  44. IMAO » Blog Archive » You’ve Been Judged! links:

    […] Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “President Obama will pick his next Defense Secretary based on…” […]

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