Straight Line of the Day: Scientists Have Discovered Evidence There Could Be Life on Mars…

Posted on January 23, 2013 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Scientists have discovered evidence there could be life on Mars…

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68 Responses to “Straight Line of the Day: Scientists Have Discovered Evidence There Could Be Life on Mars…”

  1. Son of Bob says:

    …and Chuck Schumer is already trying to figure out a way to tax it.

  2. Rich says:

    …and Frank started to adjust the targeting systems of his nukes

  3. blarg says:

    … Obama responded by saying “any chance it’s a new species of dog? Oh please let it be a new species of dog!”

    … Obama said “you didn’t discover that, someone else made that happen”

    … Whiny liberals immediately called for a ban

    … It is not immediately clear if these are assault-style high capacity life forms

  4. srm000 says:

    …So Obama renamed it “the black planet” because everything black is good.

    …But NASA is taxed too much to prove it.

    …I thought that’s where Michelle is from.

    …Turns out they were mistaken when reading a history textbook that was talking about when the British reached the new world, called the “red planet”.

  5. artvol11 says:

    …and there is still no intelligent life in Washington DC.

  6. srm000 says:

    …If we are destroyed by them, its Bush’s fault.

  7. willy says:

    …but it turned out to just be a box of absentee ballots.

  8. gsmtiger says:

    … Joe keeps calling it “home”.

  9. gsmtiger says:

    … liberals want to start a campaign for “Martian Rights”.

  10. blarg says:

    … Liberal activists are already registering them to vote
    … Imagine – an entire planet of lifeforms who have never heard of Karl Marx

  11. gsmtiger says:

    … Michelle is heading over to force her nutrition beliefs on the Martians, too.

  12. gsmtiger says:

    … NASA wants to send a rocket there powered by the hot air in Washington DC.

  13. blarg says:

    … when a stack of welfare and Obamaphone applications were delivered to the Curiosity rover.

  14. rodney dill says:

    …they’ve discovered binder’s full of wookies.

  15. srm000 says:

    …The government is declaring Martial Martian Law.

  16. Mrs. C says:

    and liberals insist it shouldn’t be called life . . it could be just a bunch of cells.

  17. rodney dill says:

    Once you grok with Biden its amazing the things you start to know.

  18. rodney dill says:

    …Liberals are afraid it will shift the balance of power… it’s not called the Red planet for nuthin’.

  19. Writer says:

    . . . president Osama immediatelybut it remains unable to calculate and pay its taxes. President Osama immediately recommended it for the position of Secretary of the Treasury.

  20. blarg says:

    Now the big question becomes is it the Red Planet as in “Red States ” or “Red China”

  21. rodney dill says:

    …and now Arizona claiming they not only need a wall around their state, but they need a roof as well.

  22. gsmtiger says:

    … Susan Rice is trying to cover that up, too.

  23. gsmtiger says:

    … Obama’s mouth is watering thinking of what kind of dogs they have there.

  24. gsmtiger says:

    … Feinstein is trying to see if they have ray guns with high-capacity magazines.

  25. gsmtiger says:

    … Unions are protesting because it wasn’t discovered by their members.

  26. Matt Musson says:

    Democrats immediately proposed a Martian path to citizenship.

  27. gsmtiger says:

    … liberals want to create a “Gun-Free Solar System”, so even other planets are glaring targets.

  28. rodney dill says:

    …Hillary Clinton has been sent on a diplomatic mission to obtain the Illudium Pu-36 Explosive Space Modulator.

  29. rodney dill says:

    …but anyone here that had checked out my eyes would already know that.

  30. gsmtiger says:

    … Mars was immedeately labeled a high capacity assault planet.

  31. rodney dill says:

    …prompting Joe Biden to text Obama, “Will this be enough to save Uranus?”

  32. blarg says:

    … And apparently, everyone speaks Arabic on Mars, so good call, Obama!

    … Unable to fund any more scientific research NASA turned SETI to search the Twitters for alien signals. By God they found them.

  33. Greg says:

    the Pentagon decided not to use Mars to test the Genesis device. Better luck with Ceres, guys!

  34. Dohtimes says:

    …*pop* and *pop* Planned Parent *pop* *pop* hood is building *pop* *pop* new facilities *pop* at a record rate *pop* *pop*.

    …and NASA is now pressuring it’s al Qaeda wing to give them time to convert before sending the first wave of suicide bombers.

    …prompting the US government to quickly determine any and all minorities that we can send checks to.

  35. Writer says:

    . . . however it is decidedly unintelligent. This was deciphered using the fact that it is incapable of passing a budget.

  36. rodney dill says:

    Prompting this joke from Biden: “A rabbi, a priest, and an Imam walk into a Barsoom.”

  37. rodney dill says:

    Excellent… finally more ‘people’ that do not expect the Spanish Inquisition.

  38. Apostic says:

    …which means sensitive actors (a la Marlon Brando) might have to refuse accepting Oscars because of the way Martians have been portrayed in movies.

  39. Apostic says:

    Unfortunately, the proof has been a series radio transmissions, which some Russians are claiming are just some prank phone calls.

  40. rodney dill says:

    which some Russians are claiming are just some prank phone calls.

    Hello… this is Peggy… please hold.

  41. Uncle Kevvie, That's Who says:

    …and they have communicated their desire to only talk/’get tight’ to/with Victoria’s Secret Models,
    Something about “We Like-’em” and “Where do they hang…? ”
    The P S emphatically demanded: “NO Hillarys or Princess Nancys”.

    Sounds pretty intelligent to me……….

  42. proof says:

    …based on a green, moldy substance on a Snickers and a Three Musketeers found in a JBL lab snack machine.

  43. CarolyntheMommy says:

    …. and there’s some dude there in a helmet running around with a giant cannon pointed at Earth

  44. FormerHostage says:

    …and it began at conception.

  45. Sharky says:

    … and Bill Clinton’s called “dibs” on the females.

  46. Doug says:

    You mean like the water/ice uncovered by our landers? The photographic evidence showing seasonal changes (vegetation)? Photos of surface water reflecting surrounding features. THAT discovered evidence?

  47. plentyobailouts says:

    Scientists have discovered evidence there could be life on Mars…by the little green guys dancing and singing to the 90′s ” go Nasa! Go Nasa! its your birthday!”

  48. FormerHostage says:

    …and one of them is dating Manti T’eo.

  49. Dohtimes says:

    …while watching a tornado demolish a Martian trailer park. This prompted the snooty, arrogant, condescending spokesman to profess new hope to find intelligent life there.

    …when it was discovered that most of the Cash For Clunkers payments were sent there. The interstellar spaceships that we purchased were unfortunately lost in China on the way from DC to Detroit.

    …and are working to determine how many combined single cell organisms it might take to remove “getting a Martian Lewinsky” from Bill Clinton’s bucket list.

  50. Dohtimes says:

    …although the total extermination of advanced lifeforms we had contact with so far has been blamed on a YouTube video by Hilary Clinton.

  51. Dohtimes says:

    …and have sent Ted Williams and Walt Disney to head our diplomatic delegation.

  52. Bob in Feenicks says:

    …they found a bunch of Obama bumper stickers. -But the search continues for intelligent life.

  53. Jimmy says:

    Well, Mars is the “War Planet.”

    So, if it’s WAR they want, it’s WAR their going to get!

  54. FormerHostage says:

    …then they found out it was a Facebook hoax.

  55. FormerHostage says:

    …and the popular girls STILL won’t go out with them!

  56. K says:

    … And ‘War of the Worlds” is now classified as a hate-crime.

  57. Writer says:

    . . . but the Obama 2012 bumper sticker they found proves the life there is not intelligent.

  58. Writer says:

    . . . and Obama is calling for a much larger Rover to so it can act as a bus when it gets there.

  59. CTCompromise says:

    @58. Writer

    ….Ummm That isn’t why Obama is calling for a much bigger Rover–He likes leftovers when he raids the ‘fridge at midnight.

  60. CTCompromise says:

    Since it is the Red Planet, it’s probably got casinos already.

  61. CTCompromise says:

    Obama immediately named someone from Chicago as U.S. Ambassador to Mars.

  62. Manse says:

    Settle down it’s only the Benghazi survivors. Hillary says it doesn’t matter.

  63. Oppo says:

    …by unleashing the awesome scientific power of the phrase “could be.”
    With their next trillion-dollar grant, they plan to investigate the theory that there could *not* be life on Mars.
    “This phrase, ‘could be,’ opens up a whole universe of possibilities,” said a scientist.
    “Given more funding, we’d like to investigate the potentials of the terms ‘may’ and ‘might be’.”

  64. Writer says:

    . . . it is based on the coelacanth they captured on film leaping out of a canal.

  65. CarolyntheMommy says:

    CT – #60 I just choked on my drink laughing

  66. tanstaafl says:

    the nostromo is on its way to bring some back.

  67. rodney dill says:

    …and they are already demanding that the Washington Redskins change their name.

  68. Matt Musson says:

    They found a giant ’42′ written across the back side o the planet.

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