Straight Line of the Day: Scientists Have Discovered Evidence There Could Be Life on Mars…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
Scientists have discovered evidence there could be life on Mars…
Send to Kindle
(3 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
January 23rd, 2013 at 12:06 pm
…and Chuck Schumer is already trying to figure out a way to tax it.
January 23rd, 2013 at 12:10 pm
…and Frank started to adjust the targeting systems of his nukes
January 23rd, 2013 at 12:10 pm
… Obama responded by saying “any chance it’s a new species of dog? Oh please let it be a new species of dog!”
… Obama said “you didn’t discover that, someone else made that happen”
… Whiny liberals immediately called for a ban
… It is not immediately clear if these are assault-style high capacity life forms
January 23rd, 2013 at 12:13 pm
…So Obama renamed it “the black planet” because everything black is good.
…But NASA is taxed too much to prove it.
…I thought that’s where Michelle is from.
…Turns out they were mistaken when reading a history textbook that was talking about when the British reached the new world, called the “red planet”.
January 23rd, 2013 at 12:13 pm
…and there is still no intelligent life in Washington DC.
January 23rd, 2013 at 12:14 pm
…If we are destroyed by them, its Bush’s fault.
January 23rd, 2013 at 12:14 pm
…but it turned out to just be a box of absentee ballots.
January 23rd, 2013 at 12:15 pm
… Joe keeps calling it “home”.
January 23rd, 2013 at 12:16 pm
… liberals want to start a campaign for “Martian Rights”.
January 23rd, 2013 at 12:16 pm
… Liberal activists are already registering them to vote
… Imagine – an entire planet of lifeforms who have never heard of Karl Marx
January 23rd, 2013 at 12:17 pm
… Michelle is heading over to force her nutrition beliefs on the Martians, too.
January 23rd, 2013 at 12:18 pm
… NASA wants to send a rocket there powered by the hot air in Washington DC.
January 23rd, 2013 at 12:20 pm
… when a stack of welfare and Obamaphone applications were delivered to the Curiosity rover.
January 23rd, 2013 at 12:23 pm
…they’ve discovered binder’s full of wookies.
January 23rd, 2013 at 12:23 pm
…The government is declaring
MartialMartian Law.January 23rd, 2013 at 12:24 pm
and liberals insist it shouldn’t be called life . . it could be just a bunch of cells.
January 23rd, 2013 at 12:24 pm
Once you grok with Biden its amazing the things you start to know.
January 23rd, 2013 at 12:26 pm
…Liberals are afraid it will shift the balance of power… it’s not called the Red planet for nuthin’.
January 23rd, 2013 at 12:26 pm
. . . president Osama immediatelybut it remains unable to calculate and pay its taxes. President Osama immediately recommended it for the position of Secretary of the Treasury.
January 23rd, 2013 at 12:29 pm
Now the big question becomes is it the Red Planet as in “Red States ” or “Red China”
January 23rd, 2013 at 12:31 pm
…and now Arizona claiming they not only need a wall around their state, but they need a roof as well.
January 23rd, 2013 at 12:40 pm
… Susan Rice is trying to cover that up, too.
January 23rd, 2013 at 12:41 pm
… Obama’s mouth is watering thinking of what kind of dogs they have there.
January 23rd, 2013 at 12:42 pm
… Feinstein is trying to see if they have ray guns with high-capacity magazines.
January 23rd, 2013 at 12:43 pm
… Unions are protesting because it wasn’t discovered by their members.
January 23rd, 2013 at 12:47 pm
Democrats immediately proposed a Martian path to citizenship.
January 23rd, 2013 at 12:47 pm
… liberals want to create a “Gun-Free Solar System”, so even other planets are glaring targets.
January 23rd, 2013 at 12:48 pm
…Hillary Clinton has been sent on a diplomatic mission to obtain the Illudium Pu-36 Explosive Space Modulator.
January 23rd, 2013 at 12:49 pm
…but anyone here that had checked out my eyes would already know that.
January 23rd, 2013 at 12:49 pm
… Mars was immedeately labeled a high capacity assault planet.
January 23rd, 2013 at 12:50 pm
…prompting Joe Biden to text Obama, “Will this be enough to save Uranus?”
January 23rd, 2013 at 12:50 pm
… And apparently, everyone speaks Arabic on Mars, so good call, Obama!
… Unable to fund any more scientific research NASA turned SETI to search the Twitters for alien signals. By God they found them.
January 23rd, 2013 at 12:56 pm
the Pentagon decided not to use Mars to test the Genesis device. Better luck with Ceres, guys!
January 23rd, 2013 at 12:58 pm
…*pop* and *pop* Planned Parent *pop* *pop* hood is building *pop* *pop* new facilities *pop* at a record rate *pop* *pop*.
…and NASA is now pressuring it’s al Qaeda wing to give them time to convert before sending the first wave of suicide bombers.
…prompting the US government to quickly determine any and all minorities that we can send checks to.
January 23rd, 2013 at 12:59 pm
. . . however it is decidedly unintelligent. This was deciphered using the fact that it is incapable of passing a budget.
January 23rd, 2013 at 12:59 pm
Prompting this joke from Biden: “A rabbi, a priest, and an Imam walk into a Barsoom.”
January 23rd, 2013 at 1:00 pm
Excellent… finally more ‘people’ that do not expect the Spanish Inquisition.
January 23rd, 2013 at 1:01 pm
…which means sensitive actors (a la Marlon Brando) might have to refuse accepting Oscars because of the way Martians have been portrayed in movies.
January 23rd, 2013 at 1:11 pm
Unfortunately, the proof has been a series radio transmissions, which some Russians are claiming are just some prank phone calls.
January 23rd, 2013 at 1:19 pm
Hello… this is Peggy… please hold.
January 23rd, 2013 at 1:29 pm
…and they have communicated their desire to only talk/’get tight’ to/with Victoria’s Secret Models,
Something about “We Like-’em” and “Where do they hang…? ”
The P S emphatically demanded: “NO Hillarys or Princess Nancys”.
Sounds pretty intelligent to me……….
January 23rd, 2013 at 1:47 pm
…based on a green, moldy substance on a Snickers and a Three Musketeers found in a JBL lab snack machine.
January 23rd, 2013 at 1:58 pm
…. and there’s some dude there in a helmet running around with a giant cannon pointed at Earth
January 23rd, 2013 at 2:06 pm
…and it began at conception.
January 23rd, 2013 at 2:14 pm
… and Bill Clinton’s called “dibs” on the females.
January 23rd, 2013 at 2:19 pm
You mean like the water/ice uncovered by our landers? The photographic evidence showing seasonal changes (vegetation)? Photos of surface water reflecting surrounding features. THAT discovered evidence?
January 23rd, 2013 at 2:29 pm
Scientists have discovered evidence there could be life on Mars…by the little green guys dancing and singing to the 90′s ” go Nasa! Go Nasa! its your birthday!”
January 23rd, 2013 at 2:32 pm
…and one of them is dating Manti T’eo.
January 23rd, 2013 at 2:36 pm
…while watching a tornado demolish a Martian trailer park. This prompted the snooty, arrogant, condescending spokesman to profess new hope to find intelligent life there.
…when it was discovered that most of the Cash For Clunkers payments were sent there. The interstellar spaceships that we purchased were unfortunately lost in China on the way from DC to Detroit.
…and are working to determine how many combined single cell organisms it might take to remove “getting a Martian Lewinsky” from Bill Clinton’s bucket list.
January 23rd, 2013 at 2:44 pm
…although the total extermination of advanced lifeforms we had contact with so far has been blamed on a YouTube video by Hilary Clinton.
January 23rd, 2013 at 2:47 pm
…and have sent Ted Williams and Walt Disney to head our diplomatic delegation.
January 23rd, 2013 at 2:48 pm
…they found a bunch of Obama bumper stickers. -But the search continues for intelligent life.
January 23rd, 2013 at 2:50 pm
Well, Mars is the “War Planet.”
So, if it’s WAR they want, it’s WAR their going to get!
January 23rd, 2013 at 4:07 pm
…then they found out it was a Facebook hoax.
January 23rd, 2013 at 4:10 pm
…and the popular girls STILL won’t go out with them!
January 23rd, 2013 at 4:25 pm
… And ‘War of the Worlds” is now classified as a hate-crime.
January 23rd, 2013 at 5:47 pm
. . . but the Obama 2012 bumper sticker they found proves the life there is not intelligent.
January 23rd, 2013 at 5:48 pm
. . . and Obama is calling for a much larger Rover to so it can act as a bus when it gets there.
January 23rd, 2013 at 6:10 pm
@58. Writer
….Ummm That isn’t why Obama is calling for a much bigger Rover–He likes leftovers when he raids the ‘fridge at midnight.
January 23rd, 2013 at 6:11 pm
Since it is the Red Planet, it’s probably got casinos already.
January 23rd, 2013 at 6:13 pm
Obama immediately named someone from Chicago as U.S. Ambassador to Mars.
January 23rd, 2013 at 6:35 pm
Settle down it’s only the Benghazi survivors. Hillary says it doesn’t matter.
January 23rd, 2013 at 7:16 pm
…by unleashing the awesome scientific power of the phrase “could be.”
With their next trillion-dollar grant, they plan to investigate the theory that there could *not* be life on Mars.
“This phrase, ‘could be,’ opens up a whole universe of possibilities,” said a scientist.
“Given more funding, we’d like to investigate the potentials of the terms ‘may’ and ‘might be’.”
January 23rd, 2013 at 8:23 pm
. . . it is based on the coelacanth they captured on film leaping out of a canal.
January 23rd, 2013 at 11:44 pm
CT – #60 I just choked on my drink laughing
January 24th, 2013 at 7:27 am
the nostromo is on its way to bring some back.
January 24th, 2013 at 8:23 am
…and they are already demanding that the Washington Redskins change their name.
January 24th, 2013 at 10:23 am
They found a giant ’42′ written across the back side o the planet.