Straight Line of the Day: The Most Surprising Thing In Feinstein’s Gun Control Bill…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
The most surprising thing in Feinstein’s gun control bill…
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January 28th, 2013 at 12:06 pm
No mention of Phasers.
January 28th, 2013 at 12:06 pm
. . . is the provision that all firearms sold in the future must be fluorescent pink in color
. . . is the fact that it bans squirt guns, as well
January 28th, 2013 at 12:07 pm
..was how federal employees were allowed to have “assault weapons” but everybody else were not–oh, wait! This was supposed to be funny and fictional. Ne’er mind…
January 28th, 2013 at 12:10 pm
Is that it does nothing to actually keep guns out of the hands of criminals.
January 28th, 2013 at 12:10 pm
….is that it doesn’t regulate clips
January 28th, 2013 at 12:11 pm
it was printed all in German, with cute little swastickas on the borders.
January 28th, 2013 at 12:16 pm
…was the rider that regulates elective surgeries. (Only two cosmetic changes allowed…)
January 28th, 2013 at 12:16 pm
…was the provision that all assault rifles will be deported to Mexico by the Attorney General.
January 28th, 2013 at 12:19 pm
…was the translation into “Gang Banger” phrases so that they would know to get rid of their guns.
January 28th, 2013 at 12:21 pm
…was the complaint that came with it about how the Constitution is getting in the way, even though that’s exactly what its for.
January 28th, 2013 at 12:24 pm
…: Vera
January 28th, 2013 at 12:27 pm
…is that all confiscated guns are donated to The Muslim Brotherhood.
January 28th, 2013 at 12:29 pm
…was the section prohibiting rubber bands and paperclips.
…was the fact that no one was man enough to stuff it down her throat!
January 28th, 2013 at 12:31 pm
…was the frequent mentioning of “boom sticks”
January 28th, 2013 at 12:40 pm
…..was that it bans the American Sign Language letters “H” and “L” because they look too much like a gun.
January 28th, 2013 at 12:45 pm
…was that it was retroactive to 2002, so that the Dem.s could blame Bush.
January 28th, 2013 at 12:46 pm
is that the bill itself uses a portion of its energy to enter your home and confiscate “unsecured weapons” and extract you to jail.
January 28th, 2013 at 12:47 pm
was stating “people must not decide when others die; death is governmental jurisdiction.”
January 28th, 2013 at 12:48 pm
…is that in order to show the new priority, the former A.T.F will now be known as F.A.T.
January 28th, 2013 at 12:57 pm
…is a ban on the “Red Ryder carbine-action, two hundred shot Range Model air rifle with a compass in the stock and this thing which tells time”. It’s banning is the result of lobbying efforts by The National Optometrists Association.
January 28th, 2013 at 1:12 pm
None of this will ever happen! It is just a RED HERRING to draw attention away from the horrible failures of Obama.
“Imagine, if you will, a world”, a perfect world, with no need for guns, no police and no laws. A perfect Utopia where everyone is free to do as they please. A land with no sickness, no cold weather and the sun always shines. There are no wars, there is no racism and no societal classes. A wonderful world where everyone is happy and all share the goodness of man and his riches.
If you could just “step through a door and enter the vicinity of an area adjacent to a location in” the land of Utopia!
Do you know what you would find in this Utopia? There would be NO LIBERALS because no one would need them. There would be NO race hustlers like Al Sharpton and Jessie Jackson. And there would be NO Communist Healthcare propaganda because no one gets sick.
You see Obama needs people to get sick and die. He wants Healthcare costs to rise because then you will NEED HIM and his kind. He needs people to get shot with guns. He needs poverty to flourish. He needs racism.
Obama promotes Gun control because it will never happen and when it fails he will can blame us. Its just a RED HERRING
January 28th, 2013 at 1:13 pm
… were the words “you’ll shoot your eye out kids”
January 28th, 2013 at 1:27 pm
. . . were all the bullet points.
(sorry, couldn’t help it.)
January 28th, 2013 at 1:46 pm
The line about the number of people loaded in each boxcar was in small print.
January 28th, 2013 at 1:47 pm
…was that it failed to make an admiring mention of Michelle Obama’s arms.
…was that all future action films will be required to solve the differences between the (relative) good guy and the (misunderstood) bad guy with a conflict negotiator sidekick. “Do you feel like hashing out our differences in a government approved mediation session, punk—er citizen?”
January 28th, 2013 at 1:55 pm
…was the requirement that retroactively all movies and TV shows have all weapons digitally removed and replaced with a stern pointing finger.
January 28th, 2013 at 2:15 pm
A T-Rex with a rocket launcher is perfectly acceptable.
January 28th, 2013 at 2:16 pm
Due to a typeo each gun may carry no more 7 partridges… so basically we’re good to go.
January 28th, 2013 at 2:17 pm
#23 – Excellent
January 28th, 2013 at 2:18 pm
You need to know the words to ‘Happiness is a Warm Gun’ to qualify for a CPL.
January 28th, 2013 at 2:19 pm
Guns are actually for free in a ‘Gun Free Zone’
January 28th, 2013 at 2:21 pm
If guns cause crime, mine must be defective.
January 28th, 2013 at 2:26 pm
The Barney Fife amendment: You can have one bullet in your shirt pocket.
January 28th, 2013 at 2:31 pm
All bullets will have a warning label attached: Do not remove under penalty of law
January 28th, 2013 at 2:33 pm
Not to worry. After Spielberg removed a handgun from ET, my fellow bad movie fans and I jokingly figured Saving Private Ryan wouold be next, and the result would’ve been grown men running around WWII France, pointing their fingers and making “Bang Bang” noises. We seem to be safe thus far…
January 28th, 2013 at 2:36 pm
No Waffle Houses open past sunset or before sunrise.
January 28th, 2013 at 2:44 pm
..was that you get a “This home is gun-free!” yard sign with each scary weapon surrendered.
January 28th, 2013 at 2:44 pm
… is that they didn’t even try to hide that it was written in crayon.
January 28th, 2013 at 2:55 pm
We don’t know yet. We have to pass it to find out what’s in it.
January 28th, 2013 at 2:55 pm
the exemption for abortion providers.
January 28th, 2013 at 2:56 pm
Cold dead fingers will not be returned.
January 28th, 2013 at 3:00 pm
Doesn’t say anything about sling shots
January 28th, 2013 at 3:20 pm
…it was written with the blood of dead patriots instead of ink.
…it limits your use of articles in the Bill of Rights to six, violation of this provision will result in losing the right to bear arms.
… it maintains that “control” means that the government can cling to guns only if your hands are busy clinging to your religion: Multitasking is not a right but a mental illness.
…is failure to comply increases your likelihood of getting shot.
January 28th, 2013 at 3:23 pm
…is the plot line of how she didn’t die in the explosion at the end of Predator.
January 28th, 2013 at 3:26 pm
…that it exempts Dianne Feinstein from the WWII era tanks category.
January 28th, 2013 at 3:30 pm
The measurable tremor from the forefathers spinning in their graves every time someone reads the bill.
January 28th, 2013 at 3:33 pm
…is the Barney Frank ammendment which sets penalties for going off half-cocked.
January 28th, 2013 at 3:50 pm
is that Dick Cheney is still allowed to shoot a gun.
January 28th, 2013 at 3:51 pm
…is that it bans the instructions for using the Holy Handgrenade of Antioch.
January 28th, 2013 at 4:53 pm
…is that high capacity magazines will be authorized in case of zombie apocalypse.
January 28th, 2013 at 4:59 pm
…it defines a high capacity magazine by the number of pages in the December issue of Cosmo.
…the reminder that those are only bullet shaped Spencer’s Gifts items in your nightstand Nancy.
…is regulation that mandatory photo of Feinstein on ammo boxes may make purchaser suicidal warning that must be printed on ammo boxes.
January 28th, 2013 at 5:15 pm
…it makes it a federal offense to make Clint Eastwood’s day.
…”Hasta la vista, baby” and “I’ll be back” are considered assault phrases.
…all guns are required to have bullet counters so you will always know if you’ve fired six shots or only five.
January 28th, 2013 at 5:24 pm
Barney Frank Amendment pg.2 sec.3, see illustration. “all breech-loaded weapons shall be legal for private use”
January 28th, 2013 at 6:02 pm
Barney Frank is prohibited from using all pump-action rifles.
January 28th, 2013 at 6:23 pm
…is that it doesn’t ban those little thingys that help you aim… oh, yeah, “lasers.”
January 28th, 2013 at 6:54 pm
. . . is that it exempts Congress-Critters from the Mental Health bans on gun ownership.
January 28th, 2013 at 9:30 pm
The Most Surprising Thing In Feinstein’s Gun Control Bill…is that it did not tell anyone how to control a gun by way of legislation such as : “First shalt thou load thy magazines and shalt thou load ten rounds, no more, no less. Ten shall be the number thou shalt load, and the number of the loading shall be ten. Eleven shalt thou not load, neither load thou nine excepting that thou then proceed to Ten. Thirty is right out. Once the number ten, being the tenth number, be reached, then release thou thy safety, assumeth the proper firing stance, aimeht towards thy foe, who being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.”
January 28th, 2013 at 11:09 pm
It did not mention Rail Guns or Laser Pistols or Laser Rifles or for that mater Radioactive Paint Guns driven by a 5ok compressor.
January 29th, 2013 at 8:57 am
. . . is calling what you and I would call a trigger “that little thingy that makes the other little thingy come out of that long thingy with the hole in the end.”
Or perhaps that isn’t surprising at all.
January 29th, 2013 at 10:27 am
Why does she want to control gnus?
January 29th, 2013 at 7:46 pm
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