Straight Line of the Day: The TSA Is Doing Away With Naked Body Scanners. They’ll Be Replaced By…

Posted on January 21, 2013 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

The TSA is doing away with naked body scanners. They’ll be replaced by…

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51 Responses to “Straight Line of the Day: The TSA Is Doing Away With Naked Body Scanners. They’ll Be Replaced By…”

  1. Uncle Kevvie, That's Who says:

    ……Citizens drawn from a lottery, at random.
    The winners get to ‘not come’ to the airport ,
    and the losers get to keep some ‘chotschkes’.[sic ?]
    The losers have to bring their own rubber gloves, speculums, and sanitizers….
    (Watch out for ‘Burrito Fridays’……….)

  2. blarg says:

    … Rubber gloves and KY jelly

    … A stage with a brass pole

  3. Sharky says:

    … Mandatory flight wear consisting of Saran Wrap scrubs.

  4. blarg says:

    … Pork products on every flight

    … Doctors who will ask if you’re carrying and weapons or explosives

  5. blarg says:

    … “Terrorist – free zone” signs at airports and on planes.

    … TSA agents will be serving pre-flight meals before groping you

  6. blarg says:

    … Colonoscopies! … Thanks to Obamacare flight security now falls under public health.

  7. john callow says:

    Vision impaired (blind) screeners, schooled in the art of brail…

  8. NoMoBama says:

    ….. a giant hole where the money spent to buy the stupid things used to be.

  9. g says:

    … by common sense and bacon. You don’t eat, you don’t fly.

  10. BigDNC says:

    …blind squirrels looking for nuts.

  11. Jimmy says:

    …very anal inspectors.

  12. tomg51 says:

    something slower, less effective, more costly, assembled by union hands and supplied by someone’s friend from Chicago

  13. FredKey says:

    –naked body feelers!

  14. jimbthepilot says:

    Guava scented personal lubricant and a DVD of “Naked Swedish Girl’s Beach Volleyball”

  15. Doug says:

    … hidden … naked body scanners, with greater detail and full color imaging. And a one button, ‘copy to Blu-ray’ feature.

  16. FormerHostage says:

    …peep holes in the bathroom.

    …free internet pron.

    …the TSA agent’s imagination.

  17. HokieGomer says:

    …Detective Frank Drebin.

  18. HokieGomer says:

    …Detective Frank Drebin with Nordberg standing in the background trying to pull on his gloves.

  19. plentyobailouts says:

    The TSA is doing away with naked body scanners. They’ll be replaced by…two midgets and a flashlight.

  20. CTCompromise says:

    …X-Ray glasses, as advertised in the back of a comic book.

  21. CTCompromise says:

    …The Tail Hook Convention attendees.

  22. Tau Dades says:

    Superman and his X-ray vision

  23. CTCompromise says:

    …arming every passenger, so potential hijackers will be out-numbered.

  24. Cyrus says:

    The Probulator!

  25. NoMoBama says:

    A fortune cookie with a list of all the terrorists they stopped.

  26. CTCompromise says:

    ….more (ineffective) TSA agents so Obama can brag about “jobs created”.

  27. Bob in Feenicks says:

    …declaring airplanes clothing-free zones.

  28. DamnCat says:

    …naked fraud, waste, and abuse.

  29. RogerJ says:

    … clothed TSA agents in the monitoring room.

  30. Genghis Khen says:

    …a requirement that you turn in nude photos of yourself.

  31. Mrs. C says:

    Requiring everyone to sign a paper promising they will not blow up the aircraft, or threaten to do so . . . or invade Poland.

  32. tomg51 says:

    barkers shouting “step right up…..get your 72 virgins……no death required!!!…praise allah!!..right this way to paradise…death to Israel!! thwak!!!

  33. rodney dill says:

    Naked TSA agents

  34. evenst4r says:

    Experts from the beef cattle industry trained in “Applied Reproductive Strategies”

  35. storm1911 says:

    Depending upon someone’s gender, the Bill Clinton / Barney Frank retirement job.

  36. john callow says:

    A six hundred dollar hammer…

  37. Manse says:

    Magicians that hypnotize and levitate all passengers. You will remember nothing.

  38. seanmahair says:

    …the Tingler

    ….new agents trained by George Michael and Pee Wee Herman

    …..that guy you knew in high school who had like 15 hands that you had to climb out of the window to avoid.

  39. RAML says:

    Cold fish of the groper Variety

  40. Writer says:

    . . . Volunteers from your local prison that have paid membership to NAMBLA.

  41. Grand Larsen E. says:

    Anal probes

  42. Corsair says:

    Knockout gas for all passengers.

  43. big al says:

    Bill Clinton

  44. HokieGomer says:

    …such diverse elements as fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion to the Obama, and nice red uniforms.

  45. HokieGomer says:

    …the Spanish Inquisition!!! Because NO ONE expects the Spanish Inquisition!

  46. spacemonkey says:

    …Mossad agents.

  47. jw says:

    bill clinton

  48. jw says:

    oops, sorry big al

  49. Dohtimes says:

    …rule that all passengers will have to purchase so much insurance that no one will care if the plane blows up.

  50. IMAO » Blog Archive » You’ve Been Judged! links:

    […] Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “The TSA is doing away with naked body scanners. They’ll be replaced by…” […]

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