Straight Line of the Day: The TSA Is Doing Away With Naked Body Scanners. They’ll Be Replaced By…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
The TSA is doing away with naked body scanners. They’ll be replaced by…
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January 21st, 2013 at 12:12 pm
……Citizens drawn from a lottery, at random.
The winners get to ‘not come’ to the airport ,
and the losers get to keep some ‘chotschkes’.[sic ?]
The losers have to bring their own rubber gloves, speculums, and sanitizers….
(Watch out for ‘Burrito Fridays’……….)
January 21st, 2013 at 12:13 pm
… Rubber gloves and KY jelly
… A stage with a brass pole
January 21st, 2013 at 12:14 pm
… Mandatory flight wear consisting of Saran Wrap scrubs.
January 21st, 2013 at 12:17 pm
… Pork products on every flight
… Doctors who will ask if you’re carrying and weapons or explosives
January 21st, 2013 at 12:19 pm
… “Terrorist – free zone” signs at airports and on planes.
… TSA agents will be serving pre-flight meals before groping you
January 21st, 2013 at 12:23 pm
… Colonoscopies! … Thanks to Obamacare flight security now falls under public health.
January 21st, 2013 at 12:24 pm
Vision impaired (blind) screeners, schooled in the art of brail…
January 21st, 2013 at 12:24 pm
….. a giant hole where the money spent to buy the stupid things used to be.
January 21st, 2013 at 12:36 pm
… by common sense and bacon. You don’t eat, you don’t fly.
January 21st, 2013 at 12:40 pm
…blind squirrels looking for nuts.
January 21st, 2013 at 12:47 pm
…very anal inspectors.
January 21st, 2013 at 1:11 pm
something slower, less effective, more costly, assembled by union hands and supplied by someone’s friend from Chicago
January 21st, 2013 at 1:12 pm
–naked body feelers!
January 21st, 2013 at 1:20 pm
Guava scented personal lubricant and a DVD of “Naked Swedish Girl’s Beach Volleyball”
January 21st, 2013 at 1:27 pm
… hidden … naked body scanners, with greater detail and full color imaging. And a one button, ‘copy to Blu-ray’ feature.
January 21st, 2013 at 1:34 pm
…peep holes in the bathroom.
…free internet pron.
…the TSA agent’s imagination.
January 21st, 2013 at 1:38 pm
…Detective Frank Drebin.
January 21st, 2013 at 1:41 pm
…Detective Frank Drebin with Nordberg standing in the background trying to pull on his gloves.
January 21st, 2013 at 1:48 pm
The TSA is doing away with naked body scanners. They’ll be replaced by…two midgets and a flashlight.
January 21st, 2013 at 1:53 pm
…X-Ray glasses, as advertised in the back of a comic book.
January 21st, 2013 at 1:55 pm
…The Tail Hook Convention attendees.
January 21st, 2013 at 1:57 pm
Superman and his X-ray vision
January 21st, 2013 at 2:05 pm
…arming every passenger, so potential hijackers will be out-numbered.
January 21st, 2013 at 2:06 pm
The Probulator!
January 21st, 2013 at 2:09 pm
A fortune cookie with a list of all the terrorists they stopped.
January 21st, 2013 at 2:12 pm
….more (ineffective) TSA agents so Obama can brag about “jobs created”.
January 21st, 2013 at 2:26 pm
…declaring airplanes clothing-free zones.
January 21st, 2013 at 2:38 pm
…naked fraud, waste, and abuse.
January 21st, 2013 at 2:50 pm
… clothed TSA agents in the monitoring room.
January 21st, 2013 at 3:51 pm
…a requirement that you turn in nude photos of yourself.
January 21st, 2013 at 4:32 pm
Requiring everyone to sign a paper promising they will not blow up the aircraft, or threaten to do so . . . or invade Poland.
January 21st, 2013 at 4:40 pm
barkers shouting “step right up…..get your 72 virgins……no death required!!!…praise allah!!..right this way to paradise…death to Israel!! thwak!!!
January 21st, 2013 at 4:51 pm
Naked TSA agents
January 21st, 2013 at 4:59 pm
Experts from the beef cattle industry trained in “Applied Reproductive Strategies”
January 21st, 2013 at 5:07 pm
Depending upon someone’s gender, the Bill Clinton / Barney Frank retirement job.
January 21st, 2013 at 6:04 pm
A six hundred dollar hammer…
January 21st, 2013 at 6:14 pm
Magicians that hypnotize and levitate all passengers. You will remember nothing.
January 21st, 2013 at 6:24 pm
…the Tingler
….new agents trained by George Michael and Pee Wee Herman
…..that guy you knew in high school who had like 15 hands that you had to climb out of the window to avoid.
January 21st, 2013 at 9:08 pm
Cold fish of the groper Variety
January 21st, 2013 at 9:13 pm
. . . Volunteers from your local prison that have paid membership to NAMBLA.
January 21st, 2013 at 10:19 pm
Anal probes
January 21st, 2013 at 10:53 pm
Knockout gas for all passengers.
January 21st, 2013 at 11:31 pm
Bill Clinton
January 22nd, 2013 at 9:21 am
…such diverse elements as fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion to the Obama, and nice red uniforms.
January 22nd, 2013 at 9:23 am
…the Spanish Inquisition!!! Because NO ONE expects the Spanish Inquisition!
January 22nd, 2013 at 12:20 pm
…Mossad agents.
January 22nd, 2013 at 12:41 pm
bill clinton
January 22nd, 2013 at 12:42 pm
oops, sorry big al
January 22nd, 2013 at 1:31 pm
…rule that all passengers will have to purchase so much insurance that no one will care if the plane blows up.
January 22nd, 2013 at 7:47 pm
[...] Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “The TSA is doing away with naked body scanners. They’ll be replaced by…” [...]
January 22nd, 2013 at 8:02 pm
Bubba here.