Straight Line of the Day: When Obama Goes Skeet Shooting…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
When Obama goes skeet shooting…
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January 29th, 2013 at 12:08 pm
even Dick Cheney runs for cover.
January 29th, 2013 at 12:09 pm
…his Secret Service protection have to shoot for him.
January 29th, 2013 at 12:09 pm
. . . he’s afraid that the skeet will shoot back.
. . . Valerie Jarrett has to turn the Wii on first for him.
January 29th, 2013 at 12:11 pm
…he does it like he governs… always going off half cocked.
January 29th, 2013 at 12:12 pm
…he uses drones as skeet.
January 29th, 2013 at 12:16 pm
…has now replaced the old saying “When pigs fly.”
January 29th, 2013 at 12:18 pm
When Obama goes skeet shooting…he says, “I go skeet shooting all the time.” which sounds a lot like Rush Limbaugh saying, “Some of my best friends are black.”
January 29th, 2013 at 12:18 pm
…the clay pidgeons are collected from and reused.
January 29th, 2013 at 12:19 pm
When Obama goes skeet shooting… Joe Biden keeps popping his head up from cover and says, “Neener neener.”
January 29th, 2013 at 12:20 pm
…the clay pidgeons are collected and reused.
…Bo hides under the porch.
January 29th, 2013 at 12:22 pm
…Roger Ailes refuses the invitation to joins him.
January 29th, 2013 at 12:22 pm
…it gets less messy than you’d expect.
January 29th, 2013 at 12:22 pm
…the skeet have nothing to fear
January 29th, 2013 at 12:23 pm
…instead of “Pull” he says, “First shalt thou cock the skeet, then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then releaseest thou thy skeet.”
January 29th, 2013 at 12:26 pm
…he goes to the situation room and watches SEAL Team 6 take out the skeet from there.
January 29th, 2013 at 12:28 pm
… he uses (green) Gummi Bear bullets because the shot in shotgun shells is harmful to the environment.
—————-
ASSESSMENT OF ECOLOGICAL RISK ASSOCIATED WITH
LEAD SHOT AT TRAP, SKEET & SPORTING CLAYS RANGES
Department of Environmental Protection
…
In general lead shot released at “shotgun practice ranges” poses risks to fish and wildlife by three exposure pathways:
1. Wildlife (mostly birds) may consume lead shot;
2. Lead may make its way into the food chain by consumption of lead present in or on food items or via incidental ingestion of soil/dust by prey organisms; and
3. Wildlife may be exposed to lead contamination via direct contact (e.g.,
burrowing) and/or incidental ingestion of sediment, soil, or surface water
contaminated with lead.
Current research indicates that the ingestion of shot by birds is the most significant ecological risk posed by lead shot. Consumption of one lead shot pellet can be fatal (Buerger et al. 1986).
Because lead shot consumption is a major ecological concern, it has been more thoroughly investigated than the other lead exposure routes mentioned above and is addressed in the greatest detail in this paper….
January 29th, 2013 at 12:30 pm
He uses only the latest in firearm technology offered by Nerf.
January 29th, 2013 at 12:40 pm
…..Obama first sets out skeet bait. Ya gotta attract the skeet to shoot it.
January 29th, 2013 at 12:45 pm
… the 12 year-olds he’s competing against with his X-box are totally impressed by his mad skills
January 29th, 2013 at 12:55 pm
…he invites the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy along.
…Barney Frank goes to a booby bar, Harry Reid does his job, a Clinton doesn’t lie, and Union teachers take a voluntary benefits cut for the children.
January 29th, 2013 at 12:56 pm
…he ends up on a snipe hunt.
January 29th, 2013 at 12:56 pm
…he shoots only union skeets.
January 29th, 2013 at 12:57 pm
…he looks even sillier than he did wearing that bike helmet.
January 29th, 2013 at 1:09 pm
…he uses an executive order to establish a ‘skeet free’ zone, then declares there are no skeet to shoot.
January 29th, 2013 at 1:10 pm
He eats what he shoots.
January 29th, 2013 at 1:17 pm
…he first has to find a place to plug in the Nintendo
January 29th, 2013 at 1:17 pm
@CCO #25 – …well that explains why his foot is alway in his mouth…
January 29th, 2013 at 1:21 pm
…no clay pidgeons are actually harmed during the event.
…has only one hole drilled in his bucket, it improves his aim.
…all the targets are on the right.
…hands Joe a bunch of targets and says “Run these out there and hold one up for me.”
January 29th, 2013 at 1:25 pm
… he uses drones
January 29th, 2013 at 1:37 pm
…he blames his failure on George Bush and a bunch of rednecks dressed in white skeets.
…first thing he does is yell “SHOTGUN!!!” and jump into the front seat of the limo.
…Michelle orders all the skeet out pumping gas to head over to the range.
January 29th, 2013 at 1:47 pm
When Obama Goes Skeet Shooting… he insists on being called Cleavon Little.
January 29th, 2013 at 1:48 pm
… he yells “Poll!” and demolishes a straw man, just like always.
January 29th, 2013 at 1:49 pm
…he can’t help but check his Blackberry while he and John Kerry crawl through the shrubs looking for skeet.
…he blames his turnovers and pitiful shooting percentage on poorly bouncing skeet.
January 29th, 2013 at 1:49 pm
…he makes sure all of Manti Te’o's girlfriends are there to watch.
January 29th, 2013 at 1:49 pm
… he comforts himself by meditating on Mao: “Political power grows out of the barrel of a gun.”
January 29th, 2013 at 1:55 pm
… he bows to the skeet, apologizes to it, renames the activity “kinetic recreation,” and accuses the Republicans of waging a war on skeet. Then, he uses taxpayer money to buy more “green” deftware dishes to replace common clay pigeons, as a “long-term investment in the future” of each skeet. Jeez I wish this weren’t parody!
January 29th, 2013 at 1:56 pm
(delftware)
January 29th, 2013 at 1:57 pm
He shoots all the witnesses which explains why nobody has actually seen him do it.
January 29th, 2013 at 2:06 pm
Keeps missing because he’s not a straight shooter.
Keeps missing because he doesn’t know how to lead.
January 29th, 2013 at 2:16 pm
he hopes to shoot better than the Special Olympics or something
January 29th, 2013 at 2:17 pm
…his stream tears the toilet paper to shreds and then he flushes.
January 29th, 2013 at 2:20 pm
…he can always count on the mainstream media to downplay the innocent civilians he kills.
January 29th, 2013 at 2:26 pm
Keeps missing after reading “PULL” from the teleprompter.
Was overheard saying “if I had a gun it would look like this.”
January 29th, 2013 at 2:32 pm
…the Secret Service detail only lets him carry one shell in his shirt breast pocket.
January 29th, 2013 at 2:37 pm
No snipe is safe.
January 29th, 2013 at 2:49 pm
….he enjoys the music of Nick Rivers.
January 29th, 2013 at 2:54 pm
No skeet get hurt
January 29th, 2013 at 3:07 pm
…he takes along Michelle as he possibly could hit the barn side of a broad.
January 29th, 2013 at 3:20 pm
…he does it like a real man, he retrieves his gun from behind the toilet in an Italian restaurant and then tells the skeet to say hello to his little friend.
…he puts on his spurs one uhhhh spur at a time like anyone else.
…with a Republican he brushes up on his Dick Cheney/Bobby Knight Gun Safety Course.
January 29th, 2013 at 4:52 pm
The current Bo gathers up those skeet lickety-split, and Michelle has a wonderful – and low fat – skeet stew she whips up. They’re firm believers in eating what you hunt.
(I stole this from Lactose, btw. But he doesn’t mind
January 29th, 2013 at 5:00 pm
he just points his thang at Michelle and yells “skeet! skeet! skeet!”
January 29th, 2013 at 5:00 pm
….he wears “mom” cammo.s
January 29th, 2013 at 5:00 pm
. . . OSHA regulations require everyone present to wear full bodt armor since the unfortunate accident in Februrary 2009.
January 29th, 2013 at 5:05 pm
….each clay pigeon is wrapped in the Constitution, to make them easier for him to aim at.
January 29th, 2013 at 5:11 pm
. . . the entire county is declared a “Hard Hat” area.
January 29th, 2013 at 5:12 pm
. . . Joe Biden throws the pigeons since downrange is the safest place to be.
January 29th, 2013 at 5:37 pm
…he must be on one of those >many” vacations at Camp David.
January 29th, 2013 at 5:40 pm
…..the clay pigeons are rigged to self desruct in 10 seconds.
January 29th, 2013 at 5:43 pm
…..”What is, in his dreams?”
January 29th, 2013 at 6:03 pm
…we wonders why the skeet don’t run from him, so he kicks them first and then shoots them.
January 29th, 2013 at 6:15 pm
……..he finds it hard to get the skeet into the needle. Oh yeah, I so did (finger snap).
January 29th, 2013 at 6:33 pm
He always takes plenty of journalists along as experienced skeet beaters.
January 29th, 2013 at 8:18 pm
He has yet to learn what one is.
January 29th, 2013 at 9:08 pm
Hell freezes over….
January 29th, 2013 at 9:31 pm
he uses a tennis racket
January 30th, 2013 at 2:22 pm
Set three clay pigeons on the ground and walked five whole feet away and still hit one and winged another. He had originally planned to shoot at more than three rounds but his wife got tired of having to drag him out from the bushes he hid behind after every shot because that mean ole shotgun makes such a scary noise and makes him cry.
January 30th, 2013 at 3:43 pm
…the pigs flying outta my butt are more likely to get shot than anything he aims at.
January 30th, 2013 at 7:04 pm
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