Straight Line of the Day: Why Didn’t You Make It To Obama’s Inauguration?

Posted on January 22, 2013 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Why didn’t you make it to Obama’s inauguration?

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82 Responses to “Straight Line of the Day: Why Didn’t You Make It To Obama’s Inauguration?”

  1. DamnCat says:

    I had better things to do – like hacking up a hairball – less disgusting too.

  2. artvol11 says:

    I was getting my wisdom teeth taken out.
    I was getting a root canal.
    I just couldn’t miss my European history test.

  3. AwesometificAmerican says:

    I had to work to help pay for it.

  4. Mrs. C says:

    I didn’t pass the security/credit check.

    I have a job, and since I’m interested in paying my bills, I have to show up, like, every day.

  5. Critter says:

    I was busy excercising my 2nd Amendment rights.
    I was out hunting with my trusty AR15.
    This recipe for wild pig is very involved.

  6. srm000 says:

    I lost the car keys on purpose

    I don’t like to be around drunk people who have lost their sense

    My doctor says that to control my anger problems, I need to avoid situations that will make me angry, stressed, or disappointed, and the Inauguration would have made me all three

    I was at the local range, shooting my Glock.

  7. gsmtiger says:

    I was trying to figure out a good Straight Line of the Day.

  8. rodney dill says:

    I was too busy playing caption contests on teh innertubes

  9. rodney dill says:

    …I got my directions to attend from Joe Biden.

  10. holmes says:

    The ceremony, and the country’s political system, were unworthy of him

  11. rodney dill says:

    …I don’t like to wok the dog.

  12. rodney dill says:

    …I was too busy styling Chewbaccas hair to look like Michelles…. after that 5 minutes I figured the rest of the weekend was shot.

  13. rodney dill says:

    …I already had an exciting weekend planned at Bernies.

  14. DamnCat says:

    I’ll go when Ted Nugent plays one.

  15. spacemonkey says:

    i was laughing to hard at the idea of Biden making another run for the presidency.

  16. rodney dill says:

    Michigan Open Carry, Inc. was not invited.

  17. rodney dill says:

    I thought they said, ‘Innoculation,’ and I responded that I’d already had my flu shot.

  18. blarg says:

    …cause I’m a racist.

  19. jw says:

    i was making wine and had to stay home and bleach my feet

  20. rodney dill says:

    It was this last weekend?

  21. tanstaafl44 says:

    i was trying to waft myself to barsoom a la john carter

  22. rodney dill says:

    …I hurt my voice practicing my Vogon poetry and they had to pull my recital at the last minute.

  23. blarg says:

    …the line at the airport was too long

    …cause some of us still have to show up to work on a Monday

    …I was standing in line waiting to sign a secession petition – it was a very long line.

    …seemed like too much effort to see a rerun

  24. DamnCat says:

    I had to cut travel budget to pay for my tax increases.

  25. PeteSF says:

    My dog was teaching me differential calculus.

  26. blarg says:

    …I caught it on the satellite feed last week when it was distributed to the networks to run on Monday

    …you’ve seen one communnist come to power, you’ve seen them all

  27. gsmtiger says:

    I was hangning with Mitt Romney, like a lot of the left seems to think we were.

  28. Son of Bob says:

    I hated the Star Wars bar scene the first time I saw it.

  29. Manse says:

    They threw out all the homeless people. I could not walk back to D.C. in time for the party.

  30. HokieGomer says:

    Honest… I ran out of gas. I… I had a flat tire. I didn’t have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn’t come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts! IT WASN’T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD!

  31. Dohtimes says:

    …like all who used Google Maps directions, we were met on the Damascus Road and got chatted up by Obama himself, and then we all found our wallets missing and are now living in a homeless shelter sharing bunks with former campaign workers and those who survived the bus wheel squashing of political expedience.

  32. Dohtimes says:

    …I was talking Pogo down off the ledge of a tall building while he had a gun to his head and a noose around his neck and had taken eight fatal drug overdoses and nine kinds of poison. I finally gave up when he started playing a YouTube video of Frank and spacemonkey doing their Gangnam style dance.

  33. Carpenter says:

    1. because Barrack Obama is actually a Kenyan named Barry Sotero

    2. and because he the so-called President of a country that now only exists Geographically. The USA, as founded disappeared many decades ago.

    3. and I don’t recognize him to be anything other than a fraud, a tyrant and a communist infiltrator posing as the legally elected President

    I didn’t make It To Obama’s Inauguration because he is NOT the President of the United States of America.

  34. Apostic says:

    Won’t mess with a sequel when the original was hours of my life I’ll never get back.

  35. FormerHostage says:

    For the same reason I don’t stare at car accidents.

    I didn’t want my IQ to drop.

  36. FormerHostage says:

    I waited for the government bus to take me to DC but it didn’t show up.

  37. Apostic says:

    Because phony displays of patriotism make me ill.

  38. jack says:

    I was taking my family to Isengard…gard…gard…gard…gard… Washington…ton…ton…ton…ton when we ran into Sauron’s Obama’s legions of mindless minions. It was touch and go but finally we made it past them… but then…A balrog of Morgoth Nancy Pelosi devoured several miles of highway and all the poor fools upon it. We were this close …. () to winding up as just another pocket of cellulite on her pimple pocked ass. “What did you say?” a pocket of cellulite on her pimple pocked ass… but after some back-country mudding we just squeezed by, whew! Discretion being the better part of valor and all, at this point we decided that the coronation inauguration would do just fine without us.

    [Reference link -Harvey]

  39. Manse says:

    There were no flights out of Guantanamo.

  40. CCO says:

    I don’t go see stuff that makes me want to cry except funerals.

  41. rodney dill says:

    What? I thought the Mayan apocalypse had been cancelled.

  42. rodney dill says:

    @HokieGomer #30 – you were on a mission from god.

  43. rodney dill says:

    I figured I’d catch the next one.

  44. Manse says:

    I stepped in a bear trap. Decided not to chew my leg off.

  45. Sharky says:

    Are you kidding? Since Obama’s been president it’s 80-hour weeks with no vacation allowed hear at ACME Ammunition!

  46. Sharky says:

    Are you kidding? Since Obama’s been president it’s 80-hour weeks with no vacation allowed here at ACME Ammunition!

  47. HokieGomer says:

    @ Rodney Dill – HAVE YOU SEEEEN THE LIGHT!!! (I don’t think I could have put it better any other way. Being in Chicago was a bonus for that)

  48. DamnCat says:

    I tried to hitchhike there but all the cars on the highway were headed for Texas.

  49. rodney dill says:

    …I decided a hunting trip with Dick Cheney would be a better bet.

  50. rodney dill says:

    …I decided to pass on the Lemming migration this year.

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