Whenever I hear an uninteresting 80 year old woman tell an uninteresting story I think, “Wow, you must have been really hot.”
— Danny Zuker (@DannyZuker) January 16, 2013
Obama wants the CDC to “explore the impact of violent media & video games” on gun violence. THEY’RE GONNA TAKE AWAY MY 2ND PLAYER RIGHTS
— Erik (@torgospizza) January 16, 2013
Good luck taking my guns. They’re all glued into my action figures’ hands and mom won’t even let ME play with them if I don’t eat my apples.
— Eli Terry (@EliTerry) January 16, 2013
When someone asks for a pen, give them the pen but not the cap. That way, they won’t keep your pen.
— Nathan Fillion (@NathanFillion) January 16, 2013
Someone just dropped a coffee mug that says “Kekua” on the bottom.
— Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) January 16, 2013
My 2 year old is arguing with an iPad app that plays back everything she says. Guess I can go ahead and empty out her college fund.
— Fun_Beard (@Fun_Beard) January 17, 2013