Archive for February, 2013

Help! We’re Being Repressed!

Thursday, February 28, 2013 10:00 pm

[High Praise! to Liberal Logic 101]

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Hilarious! The OTHER Reason Biden Was Dumb for Telling Jill to Fire a Shotgun off the Balcony

Thursday, February 28, 2013 9:00 pm

[High Praise! to Pascale]


[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #944,995)

You’ve seen the Joe Biden shotgun interview before, but you need to sit through it again. I know it’s painful, but it’s a necessary preamble to what follows. Tough it out and just wait for the fun to start.

Unrelated question: the hapless Google intern who drew the short straw for the event (sitting to the left of Joe)… is that a nerd or a lesbian?

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The Planet Is Seared… Seared!

Thursday, February 28, 2013 8:00 pm

In John Kerry’s first major foreign policy speech he discussed global warming.

Shouldn’t he be addressing the warming of the earth under North Korea’s nuclear test?

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If Obama Were a Star Wars Character…

Thursday, February 28, 2013 7:00 pm

[High Praise! to Very Demotivational]

Yes, Obama is fighting to destroy the Empire. Which is a bad thing. Because…

We are Sith
[NOTE: contains adult language]

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Link of the Day: Sequestration is a Scary Word

Thursday, February 28, 2013 6:00 pm

[High Praise! to Nuking Politics]

Sequestration is a Scary Word

[Think you have a link that's IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

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Wisdom of the Day: Russian Apple Gaylord Warlock Tea

Thursday, February 28, 2013 5:00 pm

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Unconscionable Government Waste

Thursday, February 28, 2013 4:00 pm

A government auditor said the IRS wasted millions of dollars on smartphones that employees don’t need or even use.

Gee, that’s a shame. They could’ve spent it on racks and thumbscrews.

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Funny Conservatives

Thursday, February 28, 2013 3:00 pm

Aw. Jonah Goldberg called me a “writer.” I still think of myself as just “some guy on the internet,” but perhaps I have leveled-up.

Anyway, it’s nice to be on a list of funny conservatives. I really think we’re in a funny conservative Renaissance — mainly due to the internet which allows more conservatives to get their voice out there who wouldn’t have a platform before. And conservatives have more potential to be funny as they just don’t take politics as seriously as the left. While there are some, well… overly-dramatic conservatives, most of us have more important things to worry about that politics and can be a bit more detached. For the left, everyone’s lives and civil rights are on the line if we don’t raise taxes on the racists and we better do something about global warming change now or we’ll all die! Thus, there’s a certain dourness that interrupts their humor.

And really, why should conservatives ever worry about politics? If worse comes to worse, we have all the guns.

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Liberals Are In Charge of Everything. Now What?

Thursday, February 28, 2013 2:00 pm

[High Praise! to According to Hoyt]

The people who were so hot on getting into the cockpit are flying the plane right into the ground, because their little (red) religious book tells that that’s the way to gain altitude.

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Buzzsaw-Mouthed Sharks

Thursday, February 28, 2013 1:00 pm

Put this on the list of things we are glad are extinct: Sharks with buzzsaws for mouths:

All it needs is a laser mounted on its head and it will be the most fearsome creature ever.

All it needs is a laser mounted on its head and it will be the most fearsome creature ever.

Apparently, the weird spiral jaw of the helicoprion was found a long time ago, but scientists were never sure what exactly to make of it and what the creature actually looked like. For instance, here’s one attempted depiction I found on the net:

"Duh..."

“Duh…”

But now for some reason the scientists are pretty sure it looked like a shark with its bottom jaw basically a buzzsaw. It’s a shark with a buzzsaw for a mouth. Don’t know how that went extinct. Maybe it dominated the whole animal kingdom so much that eventually it just got bored. Perhaps it built rocket ships to attack other planets in space. There are numerous theories, all as likely correct as the other. You can never be sure with buzzsaw-mouthed sharks. I just hope we have the wisdom to mount rocket launchers on dinosaurs as a defense in case they ever come back.

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Straight Line of the Day: If You Buy a $500,000 Meeting With Obama, It Includes…

Thursday, February 28, 2013 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

If you buy a $500,000 meeting with Obama, it includes…

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The Mystery of Donna Brazile’s Skyrocketing Health Care Premiums

Thursday, February 28, 2013 11:00 am

So Donna Brazile tweeted how she just got off the phone with her health care provider trying to figure out why her premiums went up. What in the world could have changed about health care to cause premiums to skyrocket? Was there maybe some law passed that put greater burdens on health care providers? Maybe a law Donna Brazile herself enthusiastically campaigned for?

I dunno. This is a huge mystery. Maybe we need to call in Sherlock Holmes (the good one from the modern series set in London — not the modern series in New York). And while he’s trying to solve that mystery, maybe he could look into the mystery of the disappearing jobs. Maybe it’s related somehow. Could someone be messing with both health care and the economy? But who?

Hmm. So who murdered Donna Brazile’s good health care rates? The thing with murder, is its usually done by someone you know. The culprit, Donna, is probably someone you are close to and thought was a friend.

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Random Thoughts: Hugo Awards, Humor, and Woodward

Thursday, February 28, 2013 10:25 am

Chris Christie often gets dis-invited from things, but it’s usually all you can eat buffets.

Most Gratuitous Explanation of Tech That Would Be Commonplace to Characters Within the Story #FakeHugoAwardCategories

Fantasy Names Hardest to Take Seriously #FakeHugoAwardCategories

Since I hope to be a published SF author soon, how does one get nominated for a Hugo and how much does it pay?

I wish I had to cut expenses by only 2%.

If Steam erased all local data, that would be a big deal. Kindle doing that means I lose about a minute downloading it again.

Well, I am reading a Sandman graphic novel. That would take longer.

Everyone has their vision of how things should be. The tough question is what can realistically be done to move in that direction.

I always love the occasional left-wing article on why conservatives can’t be funny. The left can be insecure about such things.

Admittedly, 75% of conservative humor is laughing at poor people falling down stairs.

It’s funny on a number of different levels. Like, how did poor people afford a place with a 2nd story?

I stand athwart history yelling, “Mop!” The best way to stop history is to confuse it.

Our generation isn’t tasked with beating the Nazis or the Soviets – we just need to cut government spending. And that’s too much to ask.

If someone is being forced to pay you more than your work is worth, then that’s just welfare.

So what’s next for the left to prop up Obama? Say Nixon was just a victim of the evil Woodward?

Oh. I also got an email from the WH saying, “You’ll regret doing this.” I just thought it was more of their fundraising spam.

Would have been cooler if the White House told Woodward that he’d, “Rue the day!”

A real White House threat would have involved killing Woodward’s cat with a drone strike.

Having finished 1st draft of another novel, I’m having fun writing a humorous SF short story. No idea what I’ll do with it when I’m done.

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Golf Is the New Fiddle

Thursday, February 28, 2013 8:00 am

During a Google hangout, President Obama explained that his problem is that he’s “not the emperor of the United States”.

Really? In that case, I’ll just say that I’ve never seen such an spot-on Nero impersonation.

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You’ve Been Judged!

Thursday, February 28, 2013 7:53 am

Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “How will DC Comics kill off Robin?

Click here to see if you made the cut.

If you did, you should probably email him about becoming a guest blogger there.

If you didn’t, he’s got another straight line for you to practice on.

Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.

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Planetary Destruction: Now Tastier!

Wednesday, February 27, 2013 10:00 pm

[High Praise! to Dude, I Want That]

Death Star lollipops

If only they came in bacon flavor…

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You’ve Been Judged!

Wednesday, February 27, 2013 9:15 pm

Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “The weirdest thing about Michelle Obama’s appearance at the Oscars…

Click here to see if you made the cut.

If you did, you should probably email him about becoming a guest blogger there.

If you didn’t, keep trying. No one likes a quitter.

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THIS Should’ve Won Best Picture

Wednesday, February 27, 2013 9:00 pm

Remember when Frank said movies should be fun?

This is the funnest movie I’ve seen in years. As in pure, silly, pointless, goofy fun from start to finish. Enjoy:


[Vimeo direct link]

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Resetting Smart Diplomacy

Wednesday, February 27, 2013 8:00 pm

One Russian politician is claiming that the meteor that hit their country was a US weapons test.

Ya know, if John Kerry were smart, he’d say “yes it was, so don’t get out of line”.

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Great Ideas of History: Banning Assault Rifles

Wednesday, February 27, 2013 7:00 pm

[High Praise! to I'm a Man! I'm 41!]

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