Help! We’re Being Repressed!

[High Praise! to Liberal Logic 101]

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Hilarious! The OTHER Reason Biden Was Dumb for Telling Jill to Fire a Shotgun off the Balcony

[High Praise! to Pascale]


[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #944,995)

You’ve seen the Joe Biden shotgun interview before, but you need to sit through it again. I know it’s painful, but it’s a necessary preamble to what follows. Tough it out and just wait for the fun to start.

Unrelated question: the hapless Google intern who drew the short straw for the event (sitting to the left of Joe)… is that a nerd or a lesbian?

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The Planet Is Seared… Seared!

In John Kerry’s first major foreign policy speech he discussed global warming.

Shouldn’t he be addressing the warming of the earth under North Korea’s nuclear test?

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If Obama Were a Star Wars Character…

[High Praise! to Very Demotivational]

Yes, Obama is fighting to destroy the Empire. Which is a bad thing. Because…

We are Sith
[NOTE: contains adult language]

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Link of the Day: Sequestration is a Scary Word

[High Praise! to Nuking Politics]

Sequestration is a Scary Word

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

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Wisdom of the Day: Russian Apple Gaylord Warlock Tea

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Unconscionable Government Waste

A government auditor said the IRS wasted millions of dollars on smartphones that employees don’t need or even use.

Gee, that’s a shame. They could’ve spent it on racks and thumbscrews.

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Funny Conservatives

Aw. Jonah Goldberg called me a “writer.” I still think of myself as just “some guy on the internet,” but perhaps I have leveled-up.

Anyway, it’s nice to be on a list of funny conservatives. I really think we’re in a funny conservative Renaissance — mainly due to the internet which allows more conservatives to get their voice out there who wouldn’t have a platform before. And conservatives have more potential to be funny as they just don’t take politics as seriously as the left. While there are some, well… overly-dramatic conservatives, most of us have more important things to worry about that politics and can be a bit more detached. For the left, everyone’s lives and civil rights are on the line if we don’t raise taxes on the racists and we better do something about global warming change now or we’ll all die! Thus, there’s a certain dourness that interrupts their humor.

And really, why should conservatives ever worry about politics? If worse comes to worse, we have all the guns.

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Liberals Are In Charge of Everything. Now What?

[High Praise! to According to Hoyt]

The people who were so hot on getting into the cockpit are flying the plane right into the ground, because their little (red) religious book tells that that’s the way to gain altitude.

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Buzzsaw-Mouthed Sharks

Put this on the list of things we are glad are extinct: Sharks with buzzsaws for mouths:

All it needs is a laser mounted on its head and it will be the most fearsome creature ever.

All it needs is a laser mounted on its head and it will be the most fearsome creature ever.

Apparently, the weird spiral jaw of the helicoprion was found a long time ago, but scientists were never sure what exactly to make of it and what the creature actually looked like. For instance, here’s one attempted depiction I found on the net:

"Duh..."

“Duh…”

But now for some reason the scientists are pretty sure it looked like a shark with its bottom jaw basically a buzzsaw. It’s a shark with a buzzsaw for a mouth. Don’t know how that went extinct. Maybe it dominated the whole animal kingdom so much that eventually it just got bored. Perhaps it built rocket ships to attack other planets in space. There are numerous theories, all as likely correct as the other. You can never be sure with buzzsaw-mouthed sharks. I just hope we have the wisdom to mount rocket launchers on dinosaurs as a defense in case they ever come back.

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