10 Devastating Results of Sequestration Cuts

If the sequestration goes through, that’s 2% cut of the government’s budget. As we all know, the government very efficiently spends all its money, so any cut of that size means absolute devastation.

Here are some things that will result from the sequestration cuts:

* All prisons will be shut down and prisoners released. Even the most violent of criminals.

* Army bases will be closed in Hawaii and the islands will be surrendered to Japan.

* Medicare will be replaced with a hammer given to old people to kill themselves with.

* All zoos will be shut down and zoo animals released. Even the most violent of baboons.

* Our military will be armed with nothing but bayonets.

* All traffic lights will be turned off.

* No more money for cowboy poetry festivals, the only thing keeping cowboys from violence and thus the only thing keeping the wild west from breaking out again.

* Orphanages will be closed and all the orphans’ possessions will be thrown in the river.

* No more postage for strongly-worded letters sent to Iran and North Korea telling them to stop having nuclear weapons.

* Obama will only get five golf outings a month.

It may be possible to find some less devastating ways to make the cuts (which is more a reduction in increase to spending than actual cuts), but to do that would take so much time Obama would only get four golf outings in a month.

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23 Comments

  1. We love these lists, Frank.

    * All government cafeterias will be closed, causing massive weight loss of government fat Cats.

    * The U.S. Government stockpile of cheese will be allowed to build up again and ferment causing massive weight loss in school children. Cheese cutting will not be allowed.

    * Joe Biden will lose his toupee glue allowance. It’s going to get ugly.

    * The snail darter will be taken off the endangered species list, because “what difference does it make?” is now official government policy thanks to Hillary.

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  2. I know that I can be easily confused, but I’m trying to figure out where the “bad” is in that list.

    This one is my absolute favorite.

    No more money for cowboy poetry festivals, the only thing keeping cowboys from violence and thus the only thing keeping the wild west from breaking out again.

    I live in Arizona. The only bad part is I don’t have cowboy boots, but my pony is a Mustang GT, so it evens out.

    Are there any cuts in Indian Affairs?

    What good are violent cowboys without violent Injuns?

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  3. “* Army bases will be closed in Hawaii and the islands will be surrendered to Japan.”

    Army bases anywhere ELSE in this country may be closed…But he is not going to disrupt the economy of his next homeland.

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  4. Thank goodness Moochelle’s vacation budget isn’t getting cut!

    Veeshir says:
    Are there any cuts in Indian Affairs?

    Unknown. But it look like some senators will have to cut back on their Dominican hooker affairs.

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  5. Big Bird will have to share an apartment with Burt and Ernie.

    Joey will only be allowed two gaffes per outing

    moochele will only be allowed control pantyhose at official events. Thus making it impossible for her to vacation.

    General petreaus will only be able to see his mistress one day a week.

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  6. I propose that from now on, it’s referred to as “Obama’s Sequestration”.

    The media keeps trying to pin this on the GOP because people in general don’t like it, and we need to get into the habit of calling it what it is, refuting their lies every single time we mention it.

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  7. America will out-source the following agencies:

    *Nuclear Regulatory Committee to Iran
    *FAA to Al Queda
    *ATF to Mexico
    *U.S.Treasury to China (Actually, that transition is almost complete)
    *TSA to NAMBLA

    The Immigration Department will just be disbanded

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