Buzzsaw-Mouthed Sharks

Posted on February 28, 2013 1:00 pm

Put this on the list of things we are glad are extinct: Sharks with buzzsaws for mouths:

All it needs is a laser mounted on its head and it will be the most fearsome creature ever.

All it needs is a laser mounted on its head and it will be the most fearsome creature ever.

Apparently, the weird spiral jaw of the helicoprion was found a long time ago, but scientists were never sure what exactly to make of it and what the creature actually looked like. For instance, here’s one attempted depiction I found on the net:



But now for some reason the scientists are pretty sure it looked like a shark with its bottom jaw basically a buzzsaw. It’s a shark with a buzzsaw for a mouth. Don’t know how that went extinct. Maybe it dominated the whole animal kingdom so much that eventually it just got bored. Perhaps it built rocket ships to attack other planets in space. There are numerous theories, all as likely correct as the other. You can never be sure with buzzsaw-mouthed sharks. I just hope we have the wisdom to mount rocket launchers on dinosaurs as a defense in case they ever come back.

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14 Responses to “Buzzsaw-Mouthed Sharks”

  1. DamnCat says:

    This is a B-movie waiting to happen – “Buzz Jaw!”

  2. Jimmy says:

    Since one of the scientist’s name is “Ray Troll,” I’m willing to dismiss this as pure speculation

  3. Bunkerhillbilly says:

    The descendants of these fearsome piscine beasts can be found amongst the membership of the 50 state bar associations.

  4. CTCompromise says:

    As Bill Engvall says, Maybe they just found a Dork Shark.

  5. Basil says:

    That species works for Scotty Evil. It’s nearest relative, a species with frikkin’ laser beams, works for Dr. Evil.

  6. Dohtimes says:

    It is unlikely that they were nagged into extinction by moms constantly telling their kids to chew their food.

  7. Jimmy says:

    Is that the Swiss Army Knife of sharks? Where’s the bottle opener, screw driver and nail file? Oh, I see… one tool does it all. I’m postponing lunch.

  8. Apostic says:

    Don’t know how that went extinct.

    Prolly lost work to the more portable sawhark.

  9. Jimmy says:

    Perhaps it went extinct because it ate itself – kind of like the Republican Party.

  10. Nunya says:

    Okay, but is it more fearsome than Teh Fred Thompson? 😉

    (LOL Jimmy #9, no kidding!)

  11. Doug says:

    And the Circular Saw was born. Another human tool, adapted from nature, kinda like Velcro or Joe Biden.

  12. Les says:

    I, for one, welcome our new buzzsaw-mouthed shark overlords; they can’t be much worse than Chicago politicians.

  13. Son of Bob says:

    So, it’s an ugly creature that finds it painful to keep it’s mouth shut. Let’s rename it the Pelosi Shark.

  14. hatless in hattiesburg says:

    7.jimmy: well there are hammerheads and sawfish, and some shark eggs are shaped like drill bits. too bad there’s no such thing as a construction manager fish…

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