Comments on: DHS Sniffs Glue, Recommends Scissors

By: Oppo

Oppo — Tue, 05 Feb 2013 12:37:03 +0000

From Janet Napolitano:

Big Scissors watching.

By: Karen

Karen — Tue, 05 Feb 2013 07:41:21 +0000

But where do I mount the gernade launcher?

By: Toadroller

Toadroller — Tue, 05 Feb 2013 03:44:56 +0000

@Blarg, Elmers isn’t gluten free ( you can’t have glue without the gluten) and has probaby been banned as well.

Gosh, homeschooling makes more sense every day. Not a gun free zone.

By: Jimmy

Jimmy — Tue, 05 Feb 2013 00:34:14 +0000

Carolyn, you can have you some Jimmies. (They go good on ice cream). And if you’re really good, I’ll give you some Jammies to go with them. Then you’ll have Jimmie Jammies. Just as long as you don’t get the heebie jeebies.

By: Rayfan87

Rayfan87 — Mon, 04 Feb 2013 22:31:06 +0000

I say the best thing to throw is a chair, then bum rush him while he’s ducking said chair. Then you can either try to grab. The gun or just beat the living hell out of the shooter.

By: Dohtimes

Dohtimes — Mon, 04 Feb 2013 21:44:46 +0000

Coming to you soon will be a scissors free school zone and the first expulsion for violating the zero tolerance policy which now includes peace signs.

By: Matt Musson

Matt Musson — Mon, 04 Feb 2013 20:50:44 +0000

If you are in an Airport you are SOL. The TSA will take away your scissors.

By: Son of Bob

Son of Bob — Mon, 04 Feb 2013 19:31:25 +0000

Jimmy,

Scissors don’t cut paper, people cut paper.

By: CarolyntheMommy

CarolyntheMommy — Mon, 04 Feb 2013 19:15:05 +0000

Jimmy does it again! Sigh. I love me some Jimmy (note: that’s NOT a racist reference).

Anyhow, why does anyone NEED scissors with points? As a lefty I can assure you that those annoying, green-handled ones they give left-handed kids in school cut paper just fine. You don’t NEED to return aggression against an attcker; just duck and cover or extend the hand of friendship to the person breaking into your home.

By: Manolo

Manolo — Mon, 04 Feb 2013 18:40:52 +0000

It’s actually a pretty smart idea: You point the scissors at the teacher, you get expelled, the school district provides you with a teacher to home school you, and you’re safe at home getting a quality private education when the lunatic visits the unprotected school.

It’s brilliant, I tell ya’!

By: Jimmy

Jimmy — Mon, 04 Feb 2013 18:38:32 +0000

Ban assault scissors!

By: Manolo

Manolo — Mon, 04 Feb 2013 18:37:10 +0000

It’s so you can cut out paper snowflakes. When you get enough snowflakes, you make a snowball and throw it at the bad person with the gun.

By: blarg

blarg — Mon, 04 Feb 2013 18:35:30 +0000

…. And if you’re in one of those schools where scissors have been banned over safety concerns you can just cover a patch of floor with Elmer’s glue and wait for the shooter to step in it and glue themselves to the floor.

By: Zaklog the Great

Zaklog the Great — Mon, 04 Feb 2013 18:35:26 +0000

To be fair, scissors are a great defense . . . against oppressive government regulations. “This Obamacare crap is completely non-sensical. 2000 pages of it? Man, I need some big scissors here.”

By: Dohtimes

Dohtimes — Mon, 04 Feb 2013 18:33:01 +0000

Next holding your breath until you turn blue will be a liberal argument AND your best defense against chemical/biological terrorist attacks. By the way, that is a great line: – even if the paper is a gun control law.

By: Carpenter

Carpenter — Mon, 04 Feb 2013 18:33:01 +0000

VICTIMS! It’s the VICTIMS, stooopid.

Don’t you get it yet? The left needs a steady source of VICTIMS to use as human shields against reality.

They want people to get shot. They want women to be raped. They want teenagers to get pregnant. They want societal decay, social rot and sexual perversion to be normalized at the GRADE SCHOOL LEVEL because VICTIMS will always vote for Democrats! And when you are convinced that bizarre sexual perversion is totally normal behavior before puberty there is a 75% chance that you WILL BE A VICTIM too.

It’s the VICTIMS, stooopid. They need more victims.

By: CTCompromise

CTCompromise — Mon, 04 Feb 2013 18:08:01 +0000

Does that mean we have to WALK away from a mass shooter because we have scissors in our hand?

By: Zaklog the Great

Zaklog the Great — Mon, 04 Feb 2013 18:06:40 +0000

If scissors are a tool of self-defense, does that make a paper shredder an assault weapon?

If we’re supposed to use scissors, are we allowed to run with them? I’m pretty sure running would be a crucial part of any self-defense based on scissors.

By: Son of Bob

Son of Bob — Mon, 04 Feb 2013 18:06:27 +0000

I worry about scissors in the hands of someone who’s not a “trained professional.”

By: Zaklog the Great

Zaklog the Great — Mon, 04 Feb 2013 18:05:25 +0000

Liberal Die Hard: “Now I have self-defense scissors. Ho ho ho.”

Dirty Harry: “I know what you’re thinking: Did he cut six pieces of paper, or only five? Honestly, in all the excitement I kind of lost track myself.”