Frank J. for Senate
We’re apparently having trouble getting a Republican to run in the special election for the Massachusetts special election, so I’m considering running. It pays $174,000 a year and has great benefits. And there is like zero responsibility. Only problem is that I really don’t want to live in either Massachusetts or D.C. But the main thing a Senator does is vote yes or no on stuff, so it seems almost wasteful to not telecommute for that. So I’m just going to stay in Idaho and whenever there is a vote I’ll just log into my computer and vote yes or no and then collect my salary. And I’m not going to give speeches or anything because those are pointless. I’ll stay our of your way and you can stay out of mine. Deal?
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(7 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
February 5th, 2013 at 1:04 pm
“And I’m not going to give speeches…”
You’ve got my vote. Of course, I don’t live in Mass, but I doubt they would check my ID if I showed up to vote. It’s not like I’m buying a gun or a 32 ounce soda or something.
February 5th, 2013 at 1:10 pm
….How many votes do most Senators actually make, anyway? What with their busy schedules of campaining for the next election, junkets, fundraisers, visiting Beyonce and Jay-Z….who has time to get in and vote? That’s why Obama was always so proud to note that he was Present.
February 5th, 2013 at 1:11 pm
I live in Mass. Maybe I should apply. I could probably keep my current job as well. I’d vote Harry Potter style by sending down my pet owl. There’s no way I’m taking a vacation day just for a vote.
February 5th, 2013 at 1:12 pm
Some senators just vote “present” and no one seems to mind.
February 5th, 2013 at 1:14 pm
Be aware of the recent, illustrious record of our good senators from Idaho, though, Frank. Do you promise to provide us with either a “toe-tap” or “DUI” moment sometime in the future? I would love to cover your presser in front of the Wells Fargo building where you decry the “vicious attacks” from the Statesman and aver that you “…[are] not [insert scandal adjective here] and never have been [scandal adjective].”
Of course, telecommuting and just voting “present” would work, too. But that may also disqualify you from Idaho service. Illinois would be a go, though.
February 5th, 2013 at 1:18 pm
… there’s got to be a “Barney Frank J.” joke in there somewhere . . .
February 5th, 2013 at 1:43 pm
Is there a Republican with the last name “Kennedy”? That would cause voters in MA to spontaneously combust:
“Hey! There’s a Kennedy on the ballot. This requires no thought at all because we just vote for a Kennedy if we see the name….. but there’s an ‘R’ there. A Kennedy Republican? Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh!!!!!!!” BOOM!
February 5th, 2013 at 1:48 pm
We need the important info before we can be informed enough to make up our minds… what % Cherokee are you?
February 5th, 2013 at 1:52 pm
It is your turn to deal, Frank. But have you shuffled?
February 5th, 2013 at 1:57 pm
I’ll vote for you but it’ll have to be an absentee ballot (I live in Indiana) and the name on it can’t be Doug!
February 5th, 2013 at 2:01 pm
Let’s do this thing!
Voter fraud–it’s not just for Democrats anymore!
February 5th, 2013 at 2:01 pm
Prerequisites for Frank J. Senatorial campaign leading to 2016 Presidential run:
1. Never held public office before. √
2. Never campaigned before. √
3. Likes to Tweet. √
4. Has kids and kisses babies. √
5. Engineering experience. √
That’s the extent of my list. You’re in, Frank.
February 5th, 2013 at 2:01 pm
Carolyn. You are a genius.
February 5th, 2013 at 2:38 pm
Great idea!, CarolyntheMommy!
You Massachusetts GOP leaders reading IMAO (who doesn’t?) should take theMommy’s advice seriously! It’s a sure winner. Seriously. (and funny)(seriously)
February 5th, 2013 at 3:12 pm
To heck with Frank!
CarolyntheMommy for Senator!
February 5th, 2013 at 4:00 pm
Erm…whatever openly-GOP types that exist in Boston are cowering under their desks or in the back of their three-deckers, loathe to pop up in public lest they be assesed a fine for travelling in the wrong direction.
Not even Knocko and Eddie McCormack’s Republican kin, black sheep that they are, can be talked into running.
Joe Perry, a fundamentally conservative fellow despite being a longhaired FM rock-n-roller, who lives down the road in Brookline, is too busy touring or playing one of his seven-hundred guitars to be bothered to run.
They could thaw out Teddy Ballgame’s cryogenically-frozen head and run that on the GOP ticket I suppose.
February 6th, 2013 at 1:38 pm
Forget it Frank, it’s Massachusetts.
February 6th, 2013 at 4:41 pm
Just checked…Bobo Petricone isn’t doing much these days and even though his absence from the state was down to Whitey Bulger being at large…with Whitey doing an “Uncle Junior”, Bobo could easily mount a campaign from Howie Carr’s basement.
Hey, his campaign slogan could be: From Winter Hill To Capitol Hill!