Frank J. for Senate

Posted on February 5, 2013 1:00 pm

We’re apparently having trouble getting a Republican to run in the special election for the Massachusetts special election, so I’m considering running. It pays $174,000 a year and has great benefits. And there is like zero responsibility. Only problem is that I really don’t want to live in either Massachusetts or D.C. But the main thing a Senator does is vote yes or no on stuff, so it seems almost wasteful to not telecommute for that. So I’m just going to stay in Idaho and whenever there is a vote I’ll just log into my computer and vote yes or no and then collect my salary. And I’m not going to give speeches or anything because those are pointless. I’ll stay our of your way and you can stay out of mine. Deal?

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18 Responses to “Frank J. for Senate”

  1. John D says:

    “And I’m not going to give speeches…”

    You’ve got my vote. Of course, I don’t live in Mass, but I doubt they would check my ID if I showed up to vote. It’s not like I’m buying a gun or a 32 ounce soda or something.

  2. CTCompromise says:

    ….How many votes do most Senators actually make, anyway? What with their busy schedules of campaining for the next election, junkets, fundraisers, visiting Beyonce and Jay-Z….who has time to get in and vote? That’s why Obama was always so proud to note that he was Present.

  3. mike says:

    I live in Mass. Maybe I should apply. I could probably keep my current job as well. I’d vote Harry Potter style by sending down my pet owl. There’s no way I’m taking a vacation day just for a vote.

  4. Son of Bob says:

    Some senators just vote “present” and no one seems to mind.

  5. Cosmo says:

    Be aware of the recent, illustrious record of our good senators from Idaho, though, Frank. Do you promise to provide us with either a “toe-tap” or “DUI” moment sometime in the future? I would love to cover your presser in front of the Wells Fargo building where you decry the “vicious attacks” from the Statesman and aver that you “…[are] not [insert scandal adjective here] and never have been [scandal adjective].”

    Of course, telecommuting and just voting “present” would work, too. But that may also disqualify you from Idaho service. Illinois would be a go, though.

  6. Oppo says:

    … there’s got to be a “Barney Frank J.” joke in there somewhere . . .

  7. CarolyntheMommy says:

    Is there a Republican with the last name “Kennedy”? That would cause voters in MA to spontaneously combust:

    “Hey! There’s a Kennedy on the ballot. This requires no thought at all because we just vote for a Kennedy if we see the name….. but there’s an ‘R’ there. A Kennedy Republican? Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh!!!!!!!” BOOM!

  8. Bouncing Beatnik says:

    We need the important info before we can be informed enough to make up our minds… what % Cherokee are you?

  9. Jimmy says:

    It is your turn to deal, Frank. But have you shuffled?

  10. Doug says:

    I’ll vote for you but it’ll have to be an absentee ballot (I live in Indiana) and the name on it can’t be Doug!

  11. FredKey says:

    Let’s do this thing!

    Voter fraud–it’s not just for Democrats anymore!

  12. Jimmy says:

    Prerequisites for Frank J. Senatorial campaign leading to 2016 Presidential run:

    1. Never held public office before. √
    2. Never campaigned before. √
    3. Likes to Tweet. √
    4. Has kids and kisses babies. √
    5. Engineering experience. √

    That’s the extent of my list. You’re in, Frank.

  13. mike says:

    Carolyn. You are a genius.

  14. Doug says:

    Great idea!, CarolyntheMommy!
    You Massachusetts GOP leaders reading IMAO (who doesn’t?) should take theMommy’s advice seriously! It’s a sure winner. Seriously. (and funny)(seriously)

  15. Jimmy says:

    To heck with Frank!

    CarolyntheMommy for Senator!

  16. Bunkerhillbilly says:

    Erm…whatever openly-GOP types that exist in Boston are cowering under their desks or in the back of their three-deckers, loathe to pop up in public lest they be assesed a fine for travelling in the wrong direction.

    Not even Knocko and Eddie McCormack’s Republican kin, black sheep that they are, can be talked into running.

    Joe Perry, a fundamentally conservative fellow despite being a longhaired FM rock-n-roller, who lives down the road in Brookline, is too busy touring or playing one of his seven-hundred guitars to be bothered to run.

    They could thaw out Teddy Ballgame’s cryogenically-frozen head and run that on the GOP ticket I suppose.

  17. Ernie Loco says:

    Forget it Frank, it’s Massachusetts.

  18. Bunkerhillbilly says:

    Just checked…Bobo Petricone isn’t doing much these days and even though his absence from the state was down to Whitey Bulger being at large…with Whitey doing an “Uncle Junior”, Bobo could easily mount a campaign from Howie Carr’s basement.

    Hey, his campaign slogan could be: From Winter Hill To Capitol Hill!

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