My Oscar Reactions

I didn’t watch the Oscars. I’m happy with that decision.

Didn’t see any of the pictures nominated for best film this year, and I don’t think that’s my fault. The thing about all the pictures that get most of the nominations is that they are no fun. Why isn’t fun a factor in picking the best film? Shouldn’t that be a main question when judging a movie: “Was it any fun?”

Like look at what won best picture in 1989: Rain Man. That was actually a pretty good pick considering how many other forgettable films no one ever talks about anymore have won. But it has the usual, boring stuff the Oscar people go for: dramatic pathos and what not. But what was really the best movie from the year Rain Man came out? Die Hard, obviously. People still watch Die Hard constantly, and it has influenced thousands of movies that came after it. And it was one of the most fun movies ever. It had everything a movie should have: explosions, gun fights, quips — all the things that wouldn’t work in a play but makes an awesome movie. So why didn’t it win best picture? Because obviously the Oscar people have no idea what a good movie is. And a big part of that is that a good movie should be fun.

So if the Oscars are dying to become more relevant, tell them that the first question they should ask about a movie is: Was it fun? They were debating whether Argo was better than Lincoln when absolutely everyone else was debating whether the Avengers is better than Dark Knight Rises. And frankly, everyone else is wiser here.

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  1. “Everybody knows you never go full retard…Check it out. Dustin Hoffman, ‘Rain Man,’ look retarded, act retarded, not retarded. Counted toothpicks, cheated cards. Autistic, sho’. Not retarded. You know Tom Hanks, ‘Forrest Gump.’ Slow, yes. Retarded, maybe. Braces on his legs. But he charmed the pants off Nixon and won a ping-pong competition. That ain’t retarded. Peter Sellers, “Being There.” Infantile, yes. Retarded, no. You went full retard, man. Never go full retard. You don’t buy that? Ask Sean Penn, 2001, “I Am Sam.” Remember? Went full retard, went home empty handed… ”
    – Kirk Lazarus –

  2. “Goodbye mama. Now you can have ice cream in Heaven. I’ll see you again tonight when I go to bed in my head movies. But this head movie makes my eyes rain.” – Tugg Speedman (as Simple Jack)

  3. …everyone else was debating whether the Avengers is better than Dark Knight Rises.

    There is debate over this? Seriously? I mean, Avengers was way more awesome than Dark Knight Rises (although they were both quite good). Avengers was excellent even though Scarlett Whats-her-libtard-face was in it as a token “female superhero” and didn’t die a gruesome death before the end.

  4. I stopped watching the Oscars when they stopped letting celebrities go on stage drunk and coked out of their gourds. I mean…without that, it’s just hours of self congratulatory back patting and no payoff for anyone who is not in that theater.

    You know what I did watch? The Daytona 500.

  5. Some years ago, I decided to watch all the movies that won Best Picture. Ever. And I did.

    I tell you this so you know that no one else will ever have to. It’s been done. Don’t do it. You’ll hate yourself and all humanity if you do. Trust me on this.

  6. Pingback: IMAO » Blog Archive » THIS Should’ve Won Best Picture

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