My Oscar Reactions
I didn’t watch the Oscars. I’m happy with that decision.
Didn’t see any of the pictures nominated for best film this year, and I don’t think that’s my fault. The thing about all the pictures that get most of the nominations is that they are no fun. Why isn’t fun a factor in picking the best film? Shouldn’t that be a main question when judging a movie: “Was it any fun?”
Like look at what won best picture in 1989: Rain Man. That was actually a pretty good pick considering how many other forgettable films no one ever talks about anymore have won. But it has the usual, boring stuff the Oscar people go for: dramatic pathos and what not. But what was really the best movie from the year Rain Man came out? Die Hard, obviously. People still watch Die Hard constantly, and it has influenced thousands of movies that came after it. And it was one of the most fun movies ever. It had everything a movie should have: explosions, gun fights, quips — all the things that wouldn’t work in a play but makes an awesome movie. So why didn’t it win best picture? Because obviously the Oscar people have no idea what a good movie is. And a big part of that is that a good movie should be fun.
So if the Oscars are dying to become more relevant, tell them that the first question they should ask about a movie is: Was it fun? They were debating whether Argo was better than Lincoln when absolutely everyone else was debating whether the Avengers is better than Dark Knight Rises. And frankly, everyone else is wiser here.
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February 25th, 2013 at 11:44 am
“Everybody knows you never go full retard…Check it out. Dustin Hoffman, ‘Rain Man,’ look retarded, act retarded, not retarded. Counted toothpicks, cheated cards. Autistic, sho’. Not retarded. You know Tom Hanks, ‘Forrest Gump.’ Slow, yes. Retarded, maybe. Braces on his legs. But he charmed the pants off Nixon and won a ping-pong competition. That ain’t retarded. Peter Sellers, “Being There.” Infantile, yes. Retarded, no. You went full retard, man. Never go full retard. You don’t buy that? Ask Sean Penn, 2001, “I Am Sam.” Remember? Went full retard, went home empty handed… ”
– Kirk Lazarus -
February 25th, 2013 at 11:53 am
And here all this time I’ve been under the impression that Sean Penn is…a full retard.
February 25th, 2013 at 12:08 pm
“Goodbye mama. Now you can have ice cream in Heaven. I’ll see you again tonight when I go to bed in my head movies. But this head movie makes my eyes rain.” – Tugg Speedman (as Simple Jack)
February 25th, 2013 at 12:11 pm
I stopped caring about the Oscars when Shakespeare in Love beat Saving Private Ryan.
February 25th, 2013 at 12:34 pm
Hollywood hates us. I say we hate ‘em right back.
February 25th, 2013 at 12:52 pm
My Oscar reaction: “Why don’t they pat themselves on the back, already?!”
February 25th, 2013 at 1:25 pm
There is debate over this? Seriously? I mean, Avengers was way more awesome than Dark Knight Rises (although they were both quite good). Avengers was excellent even though Scarlett Whats-her-libtard-face was in it as a token “female superhero” and didn’t die a gruesome death before the end.
February 25th, 2013 at 2:11 pm
That is a perfect, succinct explanation of what makes a film “the best”.
February 25th, 2013 at 4:32 pm
I stopped watching the Oscars when they stopped letting celebrities go on stage drunk and coked out of their gourds. I mean…without that, it’s just hours of self congratulatory back patting and no payoff for anyone who is not in that theater.
You know what I did watch? The Daytona 500.
February 25th, 2013 at 4:57 pm
Some years ago, I decided to watch all the movies that won Best Picture. Ever. And I did.
I tell you this so you know that no one else will ever have to. It’s been done. Don’t do it. You’ll hate yourself and all humanity if you do. Trust me on this.
February 25th, 2013 at 5:11 pm
@10 – With the exception of 1934′s “It Happened One Night”, every time I’ve risked watching a movie solely because it won “Best Picture”, I’ve been grievously disappointed.
February 25th, 2013 at 7:14 pm
The simple truth is that Oscar is allergic to success. He will only hop into the lap of someone involved with a second-rate flick.
February 25th, 2013 at 8:39 pm
…And the winner in the category Worst Movie Ever is!…Manos Hands of Fate.
February 25th, 2013 at 10:27 pm
@13 – I respectfully disagree.
It’s “The Beast of Yucca Flats”
(“Flag on the moon. How did it get there?”)
February 26th, 2013 at 2:29 pm
Weird Al’s UHF came out in 1989. It should have won something, it’s way better than a lot of stuff out there.
February 27th, 2013 at 9:00 pm
[...] Remember when Frank said movies should be fun? [...]